Laying Out
It's not news. Holly has told most of the mutual folks that we know, and the odds of somebody not knowing by now are pretty low - but yeah... Holly and I are getting a divorce.
It's a painful, sad and miserable experience. I sat on the couch today and talked with my daughter. I know the words mean very little to her right now, but I am her father. More than anybody, she deserves to hear me explain the reasons and assure her that her future is bright and full of two parents that love her above everything else - even life itself.
I hold no regrets for what has been more than four years of great memories and emotions. I know when Holly and I got married there were many folks who said we would not last. I wish I could say I definitively proved them wrong, but I obviously didn't. My only sadness in all of it is the feeling that the same things that brought us together so closely were ultimately what also changed me into the person I am today... and that is no longer the man that Holly got married to.
I think I understand her feelings. Honestly, I'm not sure most days because she and I have been growing slowly apart for awhile now, it just took a few things snapping for us to both realize it. I want my wife to be happy. I want to be happy. More than anything, I want my daughter to be happy. None of that is going to happen if we stay together. I've always preached about being mature, progressive and willing to make the hard choices in life. If any of you ever thought I didn't mean it... well here we are.
2009 is going to suck in a lot of ways. I thought that with my departure from MTAC I was taking the biggest step I needed to in order to get my life back on track. I was wrong. But now my baby girl, my art and a few special relationships hold all of my focus.
I'm always going to miss my Holly though. I wish we had been able to hold on to who we were for just a little bit longer. Life did that thing it does - it changed. And with those changes you have to decide if you're going to be left in the dust, living in the past and telling yourself lies so you can cope OR you move on. You change with it and you find a new balance to life.
Every new world has its own horizon... and mine is waiting for me, as a father and as a musician. It's what life has given me as the building blocks for the next chapter of my life.
I've started with less. I'll end with more.
It's a painful, sad and miserable experience. I sat on the couch today and talked with my daughter. I know the words mean very little to her right now, but I am her father. More than anybody, she deserves to hear me explain the reasons and assure her that her future is bright and full of two parents that love her above everything else - even life itself.
I hold no regrets for what has been more than four years of great memories and emotions. I know when Holly and I got married there were many folks who said we would not last. I wish I could say I definitively proved them wrong, but I obviously didn't. My only sadness in all of it is the feeling that the same things that brought us together so closely were ultimately what also changed me into the person I am today... and that is no longer the man that Holly got married to.
I think I understand her feelings. Honestly, I'm not sure most days because she and I have been growing slowly apart for awhile now, it just took a few things snapping for us to both realize it. I want my wife to be happy. I want to be happy. More than anything, I want my daughter to be happy. None of that is going to happen if we stay together. I've always preached about being mature, progressive and willing to make the hard choices in life. If any of you ever thought I didn't mean it... well here we are.
2009 is going to suck in a lot of ways. I thought that with my departure from MTAC I was taking the biggest step I needed to in order to get my life back on track. I was wrong. But now my baby girl, my art and a few special relationships hold all of my focus.
I'm always going to miss my Holly though. I wish we had been able to hold on to who we were for just a little bit longer. Life did that thing it does - it changed. And with those changes you have to decide if you're going to be left in the dust, living in the past and telling yourself lies so you can cope OR you move on. You change with it and you find a new balance to life.
Every new world has its own horizon... and mine is waiting for me, as a father and as a musician. It's what life has given me as the building blocks for the next chapter of my life.
I've started with less. I'll end with more.