[Thread] Nun versuchst Du Deinen Weg zu erkennen...

[bezejmenny]

Who: Johan and Nataku.
Where: Elysium, the Liebert manor.
When: Early afternoon.
Summary: Johan finally has some time at home. Nataku is so happy about this.
Rating: PG-13.
Other: Eek.

Comments

[soulparadox]

He remembered what Alucard had said about Johan's demons. Still wondered about them and wondered if he should ask on them. If they would be something that Nataku would be able to help his father with or not. But he still could not find the time that would be best to bring up such a topic. Not so much respecting the Senator's privacy but simply unsure how to word the question in a way that made sense to the both of them.

These thoughts faded quickly after the comment on the roses. Nataku responded instantly to the tone. His head lowering in apology. Wondering if he should go to get new flowers or retrieve a watering can so that they would appear as they should. However, logically, he knew that that was pointless. The state that they were now in for Johan to see had already been seen. "My apologies." The obvious statement that he would do better for his surrogate father.

"Papa." Instant concern as he fretted on what to do. Drew closer to Johan with hands poised slightly over the injured hand, but his overall expression only changed slightly from its usual blank one. Slight turn of the head and small differences that meant a lot in terms of his ability to actually convey his emotions. "Shall I get a bandage for you?"

[bezejmenny]

"It's alright, Nataku," Johan replied. Whether he meant it in response to the apology or the offer was left vague while he brought his injured finger to his mouth, pressing it to his tongue. His own blood tasted strange to him. Dull. But the look on Nataku's face made up for it. There didn't need to be any great contortion of his features for the expression to catch Johan's eyes. It was enough that he could get the rise he was looking for. In every person, that varied.

When he pulled the finger from his mouth, blood still welled up at the cut. He examined it, then seemed to dismiss it, but in reality he expected to see Nataku do something about it. Make a fuss in his little way. This foolish child, always scrambling to please. Sometimes it was too much fun, playing with him like this. And Johan knew Alucard enjoyed it too. Naughty Alucard.

[soulparadox]

Nataku took the answer to be to both statements. Wondering if it was all right for him to do so, but Johan was perhaps one of the few people that he questioned or asked to explain himself. The reason that he reacted so was somewhat of a mystery to him. No, Johan was his father and he responded as he believed that he should do so. Watched quietly as he dealt with the small injury on his own, but seeing that it did very little to actually stop the bleeding.

"Unacceptable." He muttered to himself. His hand went down to his scarf to cut a small portion of it off with his power. Holding it up for Johan to take. "If you please." Did not think that he had to explain what it was that he was doing, but still spoke politely as to not seem too forward with his offering.

[bezejmenny]

A smile spread slowly over Johan's lips, one that was very faint but which would undoubtedly be enough to catch the attention of this child who loved his Papa so. What would it be like if Nataku contradicted him more? Was there a way to get him to be more like Alucard? Even better, a way to do it so that Nataku was tortured with guilt over it?

Maybe someday. Right now he preferred to keep Nataku as a loyal pet. If only for the sake of playing another game.

"Thank you," Johan murmured, taking the proffered bandage. As he wrapped his finger, he continued to speak to Nataku, "I have been so busy with my work, I feel I've neglected you and your sister. How is Alucard? Have you two been playing well together?"

[soulparadox]

"You are welcome."

"It is all right." Did he feel neglected? He supposed that that was the best explanation for his feelings. And he was troubled by them slightly. Someone would say that they were not feeling in that manner, would they not? But that would be a lie. He saw no reason why he should lie about something of that nature. Or really any topic, unless he was told to do so.

He did not realize that he flinched but looked up in a manner which could be described as sheepish. "I believe that Alucard is all right. She was eaten by shadow and bugs. But that may have been a hallucination." A brief pause. "We were concerned about the demons that you may have." Not much of a good segway into the question that he had, but he did not see why that mattered. They were on a topic that was somewhat relevant to the topic, anyway.

[bezejmenny]

None of this seemed to strike Johan as odd. That was probably because he knew exactly what Nataku was talking about. He had seen it clearly, even though Nataku's memory itself was a drugged haze. His smile was the sort that would be directed at a small child talking about a strange dream he had, not perplexed but rather charmed at such creativity. Oh the things that sprouted from the minds of children.

"My demons," Johan repeated. He adjusted the bandage around his finger, nodded slightly, then asked, "When Alucard told you that, what sorts of demons did you imagine? Are you afraid... that I might be haunted by terrible things?"

[soulparadox]

"The only demons that I am aware of are those that are fictional." A pause as he recalled the conversation with Vergil. "Incorrect statement. I believed that they were fictional, but I recently began a conversation with a person who claims to be a demon. We are currently debating if he does or does not exist. Given that he continues to speak to me and I have not had any previous episodes of hallucination or delusions, I shall say that he exists. However, I do not know what he looks like, but the idea is that they would be grotesque."

He looked slightly to the left; surprised a little that he was speaking so much even if it was with his surrogate father. Was that actually a good sign or not? Also, he did not answer the second part of the question in all that he was saying. "Haunted by terrible things? Perhaps. I do not know what your demons are and I do not know if I can do anything to destroy metaphorical creatures." Still, there was something in his tone that suggested that he would still try, as childish and illogical such an thought was.

[bezejmenny]

Johan emitted the softest giggle, head bowed just slightly. It wasn't the cruel sort of laughter, not so much mocking Nataku's ignorance as he was delighted by it. Nataku was a blank slate anyone could write on, not just Johan. How sweet.

"No, indeed, demons are quite real," Johan assured. "Although it's a bad idea to admit such knowledge in public, as most believe as you did, that they are fictional. However, I have known many demons, and actually they're not so grotesque in appearance." Johan smiled again, this one darker, but the secrets and implications in it would probably go unnoticed by the child.

"However, the demons I have known are not those that Alucard spoke of. They are not my demons." He turned his head, looking down the corridor. "I wonder, would she truly be capable of identifying mine?"

[soulparadox]

"I was unaware." This he had established, but it did mean that he would have to talk to Vergil again in believing that he did exist. Would he apologize for not quite believing it to be true? No. As polite as it would be to do so, it seemed as though the demon did not care if he believed it or not.

"I see." He nodded once, not questioning it too much further about Johan knowing demons. The belief that they were evil seemed subjective. Why were they considered such? He did not know. "But they have not harmed you, correct?" This was a rising concern for him.

"Oh." Nataku craned his neck to look down the corridor, wondering what Johan was looking and like always wishing to see what his surrogate father saw. "I do not know. If you are asking me such. I do not know if I can identify them as well, which is obvious by my lack of knowledge on them. If you tell me what they are..." Would I understand them?

[bezejmenny]

Johan's gaze was distant. He seemed to be looking not at the hall itself but into another world entirely, past this one or deeper than it. Whatever he was seeing, it brought tranquility to his features. Even this talk of demons did not threaten to strip that away.

"No, they have not harmed me," Johan replied after a moment's consideration. The same could not be said for those around Johan. However, he kept that to himself. Nataku wouldn't understand. He wouldn't understand any of it, really. He didn't even know what they were talking about right now. Sometimes Johan wanted to reach over, to clutch the child's face and show him everything until he was wrecked, truly wrecked, because even the things that went on in this house were not the worst nightmares their world had to offer.

Yet Nataku was not worthy of that vision. He was worth so little. Johan turned and gave him a look that said as much. "Maybe Alucard can explain it to you," he murmured softly, by which he meant that Alucard was better. And he turned, intending to leave at that.

[soulparadox]

No. He could not see anything that his father was. Just the empty hallway. It did not make much sense to him and turned to stare at Johan's face to further bring an understanding that he would not be able to see as he did. Was that sad? Perhaps. But did he need to see? Would it not just be better if he could just stay at his side and allow Johan to see whatever world he wished? That seemed fine to him.

"Understood." He wondered if they ever would bring harm to Johan. But that was why Genkaku was present in the manor, correct? Genkaku was his bodyguard and would protect him from such an occurence happening. Even if just a few moments before that he wanted to destroy the metaphorical demons himself, he realized that that was not his purpose. His purpose in the house was to do as he was told by the others; to make their wishes become actuality. If one of those wishes was to destroy such creatures, he would do so. It was that simple, was it not? "If your will becomes that they are taken from your sight, let me know, if you please."

Nataku did not have more that he wanted to say, but he felt that he had said something incorrect, regardless. The look that Johan had given him was enough for him to look down at the floor, breaking eye contact so that he would not continue to see such an expression. "I will ask her."

It was not so much a hint of anger in his voice as his ribbon beginning to twist in the air -- showing his displeasure of how much Johan liked Alucard more than himself. An emotion that he himself could not understand and as such address. He liked his sister, even if he did try to kill her on occasion. To be without her would be painful, would it not? He actually was not sure but nodded all the same. Wondering if he should take his disappear now to find her or at least, tend to the flowers in the manor.