The Cheese Legacy - Generation 6.2
1.1
2.1 | 2.2 | 2.3 | 2.4 | 2.5 | 2.6
3.1 | 3.2 | 3.3 | 3.4 | 3.5 | 3.6 | 3.7 | 3.8
4.1 | 4.2 | 4.3 | 4.4 | 4.5 | 4.6 | 4.7 | 4.8 | 4.9
5.1 | 5.2 | 5.3 | 5.4 | 5.5 | 5.6 | 5.7 | 5.8 | 5.9 | 5.10
6.1
Hello, there. It's Cheshire Cheese again. As you can see, back when we last left I was expecting my first child...
...but, as you can clearly see, my pregnancy was not exactly a calm, pleasant experience.
Yes, only a few days after Mum was struck by lightning, the same thing happened to me. However, while Mum only needed a quick shower to compose herself afterwards, my condition turned this incident into the catalyst of an epic drama that makes The Towering Inferno look like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
And, as if that wasn't enough...
"What? Matchmaker? Look, I am filthy, uncomfortable, and I have something inside me that seems to enjoy break-dancing - so no, I don't want to enjoy your two-for-one promotion. Talk to my mother. ...What? No, that's not what's growing inside me - I'm pregnant, you pervert!"
Ah well, nothing like a nice bubble bath to soothe a distressed body.
Too bad it can't help soothe the mind.
Meanwhile, the rest of the family remained unaware of my troubles.
Crackers bought herself a set of Simpson dolls for the children, but began to become a little obsessed with them herself.
"Greetings, Mistress Red Leicester. This is my new best friend, Lisa Simpson by PlushSimToys Limited."
"Now look at this, Best Friend Lisa Simpson by PlushSimToys Limited. Isn't it a fascinating program?"
"Hey, tin girl - could you please take your stupid doll and watch that somewhere else? There's people trying to sleep in here!"
"Apologies, Master Danish Blue, but the level of enjoyment of this program is not as high if I'm not disturbing anyone's recharging program."
On the other side of the house, Mum was trying hard to become a good grandmother.
"Now, what should I do to nurture my babies?"
"Oh, I know. I'll put this one here on the floor. It's good for one's back and helps build character - or so the Sunday comics say."
"Um. Help?"
Yeah - you can see by this prime example of common knowledge that we were raised by our grandparents while Mum entertained her male friends, can't you?
"Hello, my name is Lisa Simpson and I want to tell you about the joys of recycling."
Those dolls are getting on my nerves, people.
"Ewww, this baby stinks!"
"Then you should have changed my diaper instead of putting me on the floor, you stupid cow!"
Again - the woman avoided us until we were toddlers. What can you expect?
In the meantime, my fiancé continued to be made of win.
And our baby kept on growing, thankfully unaffected by the lightning.
"I'm going to play with this Bart doll because I'm mad at nothing in particular."
"That's right, I said nothing in particular!"
"Erm, hello there. I'd hate to interrupt this moment of insanity, but I have an announcement to make."
And what is it, brother-in-law of mine?
*POP*
Ah, I see. Well, carry on.
And in the "my fiancé is made of win" vein, here's something only he could accomplish: becoming fit by earning money! I sure hope he'll teach me a few pointers, as I'll surely need to get back to my figure once the baby is born.
But Genghis is not the only one who is finding enjoyment in what he does for a living - Danish Blue is always sporting a huge smile on his face when he leaves for work!
"Yay! Off to feast on people's pain and misery I go! Don't wait up!"
And because he works at such odd hours, we decided to celebrate his daughters' birthday late at night, in order to ensure he could be there for them. First, Dorset Blue Vinney.
Isn't she precious?
Um, maybe "precious" is not the right word. "Evil-looking", perhaps.
In between blowing out candles, I was pleased to see Mum and Genghis engaged in a pleasant conversation.
It's always so nice to see your mother getting along with the man you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with.
And then, it was time to celebrate White Stilton's birthday.
Now in this case, "precious" is the correct word. She reminds me of uncle Red Windsor, in a way - maybe it's the big anime eyes.
After the girls' birthday party, I decided to go to bed and catch some sleep, but the baby had other plans.
Say hello to my son, Roquefort. He has my eyes, but looks like Genghis in every other aspect.
Speaking of Genghis, he was delighted.
"Hmm, babies are sure-fire chick magnets. I wonder how many I can pull if I take my boy to the park some day..."
All this baby-related events seems to have made my brother and his husband very frisky.
I wish they had thought of locking the door first, though.
"Daddy? Daddy? Whatcha doin', Daddy? Read me story please, Daddy? ...Daddy?"
Oh dear.
But apart from that little snag, Danish Blue and Lorin are actually very good parents.
Which is a good thing, considering how they keep on making babies.
I just wish the ones they already have could get along better.
"Huggle, sis?"
"NO!"
"But whyyyyyy?"
Oh, poor baby.
"Oh, Bart. You my only fwiend."
Well, I guess that explains it.
But Dorset Blue Vinney's somewhat antisocial behaviour only manifests itself when in contact with her sister or with the Bart Simpson doll. She usually gets as much attention as White Stilton.
Sometimes even more.
And soon, more competition for her parents' attention arrived, as Lorin gave birth to...
...a redheaded boy called Pont l'Eveque.
Needless to say, everybody was excited with the new arrival.
All except Genghis, that is, who only had eyes for our little Roquefort.
He even rushed to bring him to his birthday cake, even if he didn't seem very excited by this.
Yes, my little boy was growing up...
...and becoming more beautiful every day.
And so, time went by, and our lives seemed to be driven by the children with increasing intensity.
"There you go, Ponty. Drink your milk for Daddy."
"Disgusted mode: activated."
We still found time for a bit of fun, though.
"I wonder if Cheshire would lend me her toy for a while..."
And the children kept on growing and showing more signs of strength and intelligence.
Then one day, the unexpected happened. Danish Blue decided to do some stargazing in order to improve his logic skills and...
...well, you can guess what happened.
"Lorin, help!"
"Ack, I can't look! What can I do?"
"Oh, I know! I can... do some ballet!"
My family, ladies and gentlemen.
Tragic as this was, we could do nothing but wait. So, I went back inside and focused on potty-training Roquefort.
"Nice potty..."
Beautiful and smart, isn't he?
Eventually, Danish Blue came back.
"Great-grandma was nice, but her friend did... things to my... grah, I don't want to talk about it!"
"Hey, White Stilton, Daddy needs a hug right now. Can you help me?"
"Yes, Daddy!"
"I love you, sweetheart."
Luckily, a hug from his daughter was all he needed to get back up on his feet, as his carpool arrived as soon as dawn broke.
And things went back to normal. The babies kept on being adorable...
...and Mum was a little more successful in her attempts to become a good grandmother.
Well, almost.
"Come on, you little brat, sit on the potty!"
"Noooo..."
I know I'm a bit biased, but I hope you won't mind my repeating myself: my son is beautiful.
"Helloooooo! Yes, I'm back and everything's okay! No problems from last night's incident!"
You were saying?
"Bleurg..."
"Ugh, my back. What is wrong with me?"
Oh, please, Dane. You gave birth once, and you don't recognize the signals?
"I don't know what you're talking about, sis."
Riiiiiiight...
Anyway, it was soon birthday time. First, White Stilton.
Still as beautiful (and big-eyed) as before.
And next, Dorset Blue Vinney.
Who now looks much less evil than she did as a toddler.
Here are the girls. Beautiful, aren't they?
The next day, they rushed to the school bus with a smile on their faces, eager to learn. I foresee a great future for those two.
And hopefully, their brother will follow the same path.
Okay, okay, I know what you're thinking - I criticized Danish Blue and Lorin above for not locking the door, and here am I making the same mistake. It was an accident, all right?
Now this clearly wasn't. I wish I knew who this guy is and why he thought hitting our trashcan was funny. Probably one of Mum's exes.
But the worst thing was, nobody around seemed to have noticed him.
Meanwhile, these kids came home with the girls, and immediately started to play very loudly... in my brother's bedroom.
"Help! These noisy kids are making me more indisposed than I was before!"
I don't think that was the kids' doing, Dane...
*POP*
See?
"Wow, that was a neat trick, Mr. C! Do it again!"
Anyway, Danish Blue soon overcame the shock that he had been impregnated by one of great-grandma's friends by focusing on the birthday of his son.
And here we are: Pont l'Eveque and his big hair!
Tune in next time to see how he'll turn out.