The Cheese Legacy - Generation 4.1
1.1
2.1 | 2.2 | 2.3 | 2.4 | 2.5 | 2.6
3.1 | 3.2 | 3.3 | 3.4 | 3.5 | 3.6 | 3.7 | 3.8
With our college days over, we grabbed the nearest taxi and returned home to start our adult life.
By "we", of course, I mean me and my sister Liptauer, of course (Hi, I'm Gruyère, by the way, in case you didn't know that already). Emmental, Jarlsberger and Lancashire decided to buy a place for themselves in the northern side, while the two of us chose to stay behind with Mum and Dad and our faithful servo.
Speaking of Mum and Dad, when we arrived they were doing what they always do - get frisky out in the street where the neighbours can see, and wearing nothing but their PJs.
Liptauer decided that it was about time she could provide some entertainment to the neighbours as well and called our old dormie Apollo...
...inviting him in her very characteristic way to move in with us.
He was so excited with the invitation that he promptly lost all his sense of style...
...though he quickly regained it.
Then, he and Liptauer decided to celebrate the start of a new life...
...by accidentally creating one.
Mom and Dad were completely unfazed by this turn of events, however, and carried on as if nothing had happened.
Well... now that I think about it, I think the news that a complete stranger had moved in and had knocked up his half-alien daughter might have been the reason why Dad suddenly began to act as a glowy ballerina.
Incidentally, Apollo? Is a big nerd. All he wants in life is to max out his skills, and is always rushing to a bookcase to study, or playing with the exercise machine.
He thinks he looks fit and "smexy" (his word, not mine) after using the thing, but to me it looks more as if he's constipated.
Meanwhile, on our very first night back, Grandpa John decided to drop by.
He spent a long time playing with the table lamps...
...and then decided to greet Apollo into the family.
"Hello there, complete stranger living in sin with my strangely-coloured grandchild. BOOOO!"
Apollo didn't seem to mind, though.
"That was awesome!"
See? Nerd.
"You know, Gru, woohooing with your sister is great!"
"Can we talk of something else, please?"
His enthusiasm gave me an idea, though.
I decided to call Zeeshan, the hot Polynesian guy I used to date, and invited him to spend some time over here in Springcheese.
Since he was living in Twiikii Island and it's a long flight from there, I spent the time waiting for his arrival preparing myself for the job I got as a dancer. I worked on my charisma...
...and exercised myself on the odd occasion Apollo left the damned machine to do something else.
Eventually, the plane from Twiikii Island arrived at Springcheese Airport, and Zeeshan was here.
We greeted each other warmly...
...and then I popped the question. "Living in sin," as Grandpa puts it, is all fine and dandy, but my boy has some family values and principles.
He said yes, by the way.
I was so happy! I now had a gorgeous, elegant Polynesian fiancé I could flaunt to all my friends.
Back to the nerd, he got a job in the gaming industry, doing sim!god knows what. All I know is that he has to go to work on a rackety old car that seems to shout "Hello, I'm an old tin can with wheels! Step inside me and get botulism!"
An hour later came Mum's ride, a snappy yellow Ferrari. Imagine my surprise when I realized that it was driven by the same guy who was in Apollo's tin can.
Now that I think about it, this is the same guy who used to drive the schoolbus when I was a kid.
Ah well, at least it's not Amy Winehouse.
As soon as Mum was gone, Liptauer started to throw up. A lot.
She was so bad she got even on the broken bathtub when an attempt to have a soothing bubble bath resulted in a flood.
Luckily, she then remembered of the sauna nobody uses, and recovered in a second.
Anyway, in the evening came the big moment: my wedding.
Well, Zeeshan was there as well, obviously, and with that pink tuxedo every eye was on him.
It was a lovely ceremony.
But not as lovely as what happened next...
...and the inevitable consequences.
But my wedding wasn't the only event of the evening. First of all, Liptauer's accident became noticeable...
...much to Apollo's delight.
And then, it was time for a double birthday! First, Dad.
Incidentally, the glowy ballerina syndrome? Still going strong, even if to show that he's now a Mature Yet Still Sexy Actor (though thinking of my father as sexy? Ewwww).
Then it was Mum's turn - and she was just as sparkly.
In order not to show her age, she started to dye her hair black. I must admit she did a great job with her roots, but she forgot her eyebrows. Dead giveaway, Mum.
And then the two of them started to get all slobbery and disgusting again.
But before I could tell them to get a room, Grandpa showed up and started to complain about not being invited to the wedding. I wish he didn't go through my husband to do this, though. He could have given me a heart attack - or made me lose the baby!
Incidentally, Dad then did a makeover in order to make himself look even more respectable and attractive - something to do with a role he was given after Sean Smonnery became unavailable.
Old age didn't change Mum one single bit. She's still the awesome woman I've known all my life.
When dawn broke, what did you think she'd do? Sit on a couch and knit like any traditional grandmother-to-be? Of course not!
She went to our garage and rocked the hell out of my old guitar. You go, Mum!
Ever since Dad became old, he began to burst into autonomous serenades on an alarming regular basis - and Mum, rather than being worried, was smitten by this. One time she was so touched she rammed her hands against the computer keyboard and didn't feel a thing.
But then again, Mum is a tough lady who can carry grown men as if they were shopping bags.
And speaking of age, Cheeseburger is still a pup, even though he's been with us ever since I can remember.
Another one who is still a child (though only at heart) is Zeeshan, who seems to see everything with a constant sense of awe. For example, there was the time when he discovered Grandma Bianca's old jack-in-the-box.
I've never seen him so delighted in his life.
But don't think for a minute that he's dumb - he's so good at multitasking that he can play chess (and beat me!) and study parenting at the same time.
Those studies were to come in handy very soon, since the baby kept on getting bigger and bigger.
I'm so glad I had Zeeshan around - he's the best husband I could ask for.
(And yes, we're wearing matching jammies. We're that kind of couple. Are you jealous yet?)
But if I looked big, then Liptauer looked huge. Being a trimester more advanced than me, she was like a green balloon wrapped in lace.
And yet, she still managed to cook for the entire family.
Living with a sister in the same condition was as helpful as having Zeeshan around. We encouraged and supported each other.
What did not help was having our grandparents paying visits from beyond the grave.
They seem determined to scare the living bejeebus out of the fathers of our unborn children.
But the most frustrating thing is that there was someone in the house who actually wanted to see them...
...and yet, she was the only one they never tried to reach.
"[bored mode] I wish something would happen to wake me out of this very human-like sense of ennui... [/bored mode]"
And something indeed happened.
Liptauer woke up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain. The baby was coming!
Soon, chaos occurred.
"I do not possess a midwifery program. What shall I do?"
"EEK! I'm going to be a father!"
"Hold on, Lippy! Super Granddad to the rescue!"
The only one who seemed calm was Zeeshan.
"La la la, I'm in my happy place. Palm trees, the ocean, my wife in a grass skirt and coconut bra, la la..."
But everything turned out all right, and Liptauer gave birth to a baby girl, Red Leicester.
Apollo was beside himself.
"Hello, baby! I'm your daddy!"
But I feel that he might have been just a little too excited.
"Hey, Lippy, wanna come here and make another one?"
I've got to hand it to the nerd, though - he's a great dad.
The rest of my own pregnancy was uneventful. I couldn't go to work (and even if I could, can you imagine the spectacle? I'd look like one of those hippos from that Walt Smisney movie!) so I got even on the piano.
But eventually, it happened.
"Ow. Something's wrong with me."
"It feels like a giant is trying to pass through a keyhole! YEAAAAAARGH!"
And it didn't help things that I seemed to have a chorus of panicked cheerleaders by my side.
"Eek!"
"Eek!"
"Eek!"
"Phew."
"Phew."
"Phew."
Thanks a lot, you guys.
Unfortunately, Super Granddad was asleep this time. Fortunately, Mum rocks.
"I'm coming, Gru!"
And thanks to Mum's help I gave birth to a pretty little girl, Brie, with daddy's brown hair and purple eyes.
This was the happiest day of my life.
Well, that's all for now. If you'll excuse me, Zeeshan wants us to try and have another one.
Nothing has happened so far, but at least it's not for lack of trying.
See you soon!