Update
There have been some major changes in my life as of late. New job, new relationship status, new hair and new look at life. Most of these things happened in the same month. I was laid off (not fired, they were quick to assure me), and given $6,000 this summer due to a need for a change in the way the office was structured. They wanted someone to do my job,and be a realtor at the same time. Needless to say I thought they were crazy, but the way they structure their office is their business. I did feel really bad for the lady I worked with there. She was looking particularly stressed by the end of it, and i thought she was angry at me for a while. As it turns out, she knew what their plan was and felt horrible for me. I reasured her that there was no need, and that I'd be on EI in no time, and that there was pleanty of work. (EI being employment insurance. It's something we Canadians pay into for when we are not able to work for a while. Something to get us by between jobs. Not wealfare I must add, there are rules for EI that only someone in the market for a job can adhear to). Also thanks to the generous severance I recieved, I would be able to look for a job I wanted, instead of taking the first thing that came along. I have since started working for a large organization in Yellowknife, but will not say which one. Only that it's ripe with jobs and I was offered 7 to choose from with out applying on any of them and that the benefits of this new occupation are well worth the crazyness that is going on there at the moment.
Really, it was a good thing that I had the extra cash, as I wound up taking off longer than I had planned to, due to the second afore mentioned major change. I am now, horribly single. The(ex)Hubby has decided that he no longer wishes to be with me. The reasons are hazy, but have to do with a drifting apart and a need to be on his own for a while. I have some very angry oppinions on both of these reasons, but will refrain from bringing them up here. Mainly because I don't know if he takes the time to read this journal or not. I've been on something of an emotional roller coaster, and in the low points, instead of taking my frustration and derpession out on him, I've been writting letters that I'll never send. I have a folder of them now on my computer that I can't bring myself to delete. We are still living together, he in the bed and I on the couch. (Why is it IN the bed but ON the couch when we are doing the same thing in both cases?) Before any 'femanists' get their dander up about how I should have the bed because I was the one hurt, I volunteered to take the couch, as it was near my computer and I stay up later than he. Also the couch is better for my back to sleep on. I have to point out here that we are still on good terms with each other. We'll be living with each other till well into spring when we can sell the place. I'm hoping during that time we can form a good friendship. It's a depressing to think that after all that time together, that we would lose contact completely. I will miss gaming with him and such. i love my friends, but none of them are good for a game of Settlers or anything beyond Crib really. My hope is that he'll still invite me to play games with he and his friends.
The hair change was mainly due to frustration. It was down to my lower back and I left it out one day for a wedding...and was not able to get it back into the usualy pigtail braids I kept it in, so I took siccors and cut it off just below my ears. Later on I bleached and dyed it as red as the blush on a fire ant. I am still quite happy with that change and intend to keep it short for at least a year.
As a result of, and possibly 'thanks' to, the recent changes in life, I have been given to thoughts of what I want my life to be like. When we sell the house and split that cash, after paying mutual debts, I will have no finacial ties to anything, will be able to dictate where I choose to live and will be on my own for the first time...ever. It's something of a thrilling prospect. When I tell people about the last 6 months of my life, the usual response is pitty, which I loath, or to offer me a drink (why is it that when people think you're depressed, they offer you a depressant?), which I usually refuse due to medical reasons. Once I got over the whole 'I must have no worth and must be a horrible person for him to not love me anymore' thing, I started to think about this as an adventure and opportunity for changes to be made. Changes that I wanted to happen but never had the gumption to get in gear about it. (Don't you just love the word 'gumption'). I have already started making plans about what I want my new place to be like. This new outlook came from a few places incuding advice from The(ex)Hubby. He was trying to calm my sobbing (yus he was actually there for me in my time of need, even though he was the cause of the crisis in emotion) and after hearing me say that it would be something of an adventure to live on my own for a while, he said that I should focus on that whenever I'm feeling bad about things. So now when the 'I'm worthless' blues start creeping up on me, I start thinking about how good it will be to have the freedom to explore my worth and see how far I can take myself. Now, some will say that I'm running from my sorrow. Not at all, I was never one to run from my feelings, I am always the first to analyse myslef. If the down and out feeling is more than a passing bubble of emotion, but instead is an over extended and far stretched water balloon of salty sorrow driven tears, then I'm ready with an analytical pin to prick it and let the pent up fears doubts and self pitty to wash over me, knowing full well that with the release, I will be left feeling oddly refreshed and ready to once again look towards the future, instead of wrongly regretting the past.
Another quesiton I get a lot is "what about TheKid?". She is taking the change well enough. She's over 10 now, and has a good head on her shoulders and knows that it's not the end of the world. I will be petitioning to have her every weekend (that's the least The(ex)Hubby and the RealMom could do, as I raised her and played a large roll in The(ex)Hubby gaining access to her in the first place.) I would much rather have her for longer periods of time, but considering she is already being shared between two house holds, it would be difficult to justify, to myself as well as others, that a three way split won't be disruptive to her. So I have resigned myself to playing the part of the fun parent who has her on the days off. Kinda like a young hip Grandma. I'll be the one teaching her how to bake, how to cook and how to do crafts, aswell as hopefully many other important life lessons that weekday parenting doesn't always allow for. It would also allow for us to continue to do the videos we were doing before all these life changes occured. I recieved a very expensive video camera from Mommy <3 for Christmas and plan on putting it to good use with the help of my little ham actor.
Anywho, I just reread all of this and realized that it's WAY TO FREAKING LONG! I'm nto going to shorten it though, as it all fits together, all should be said and also I'm feeling lazy at the moment. I will hopefully be posting more, and much shorting, updates and oddities in future. I'm looking forward to writting again. For now, i'm off to make myself some steak and potaotes. Yummers!
-Luggy
P.S. I know there are several slepping and grammatical errors in this post, but, as I said I'm feeling lazy and not on my computer, so I don't feel like going through and correcting them the way that LiveJournal presents the corrections....so pppptttttt :P
Really, it was a good thing that I had the extra cash, as I wound up taking off longer than I had planned to, due to the second afore mentioned major change. I am now, horribly single. The(ex)Hubby has decided that he no longer wishes to be with me. The reasons are hazy, but have to do with a drifting apart and a need to be on his own for a while. I have some very angry oppinions on both of these reasons, but will refrain from bringing them up here. Mainly because I don't know if he takes the time to read this journal or not. I've been on something of an emotional roller coaster, and in the low points, instead of taking my frustration and derpession out on him, I've been writting letters that I'll never send. I have a folder of them now on my computer that I can't bring myself to delete. We are still living together, he in the bed and I on the couch. (Why is it IN the bed but ON the couch when we are doing the same thing in both cases?) Before any 'femanists' get their dander up about how I should have the bed because I was the one hurt, I volunteered to take the couch, as it was near my computer and I stay up later than he. Also the couch is better for my back to sleep on. I have to point out here that we are still on good terms with each other. We'll be living with each other till well into spring when we can sell the place. I'm hoping during that time we can form a good friendship. It's a depressing to think that after all that time together, that we would lose contact completely. I will miss gaming with him and such. i love my friends, but none of them are good for a game of Settlers or anything beyond Crib really. My hope is that he'll still invite me to play games with he and his friends.
The hair change was mainly due to frustration. It was down to my lower back and I left it out one day for a wedding...and was not able to get it back into the usualy pigtail braids I kept it in, so I took siccors and cut it off just below my ears. Later on I bleached and dyed it as red as the blush on a fire ant. I am still quite happy with that change and intend to keep it short for at least a year.
As a result of, and possibly 'thanks' to, the recent changes in life, I have been given to thoughts of what I want my life to be like. When we sell the house and split that cash, after paying mutual debts, I will have no finacial ties to anything, will be able to dictate where I choose to live and will be on my own for the first time...ever. It's something of a thrilling prospect. When I tell people about the last 6 months of my life, the usual response is pitty, which I loath, or to offer me a drink (why is it that when people think you're depressed, they offer you a depressant?), which I usually refuse due to medical reasons. Once I got over the whole 'I must have no worth and must be a horrible person for him to not love me anymore' thing, I started to think about this as an adventure and opportunity for changes to be made. Changes that I wanted to happen but never had the gumption to get in gear about it. (Don't you just love the word 'gumption'). I have already started making plans about what I want my new place to be like. This new outlook came from a few places incuding advice from The(ex)Hubby. He was trying to calm my sobbing (yus he was actually there for me in my time of need, even though he was the cause of the crisis in emotion) and after hearing me say that it would be something of an adventure to live on my own for a while, he said that I should focus on that whenever I'm feeling bad about things. So now when the 'I'm worthless' blues start creeping up on me, I start thinking about how good it will be to have the freedom to explore my worth and see how far I can take myself. Now, some will say that I'm running from my sorrow. Not at all, I was never one to run from my feelings, I am always the first to analyse myslef. If the down and out feeling is more than a passing bubble of emotion, but instead is an over extended and far stretched water balloon of salty sorrow driven tears, then I'm ready with an analytical pin to prick it and let the pent up fears doubts and self pitty to wash over me, knowing full well that with the release, I will be left feeling oddly refreshed and ready to once again look towards the future, instead of wrongly regretting the past.
Another quesiton I get a lot is "what about TheKid?". She is taking the change well enough. She's over 10 now, and has a good head on her shoulders and knows that it's not the end of the world. I will be petitioning to have her every weekend (that's the least The(ex)Hubby and the RealMom could do, as I raised her and played a large roll in The(ex)Hubby gaining access to her in the first place.) I would much rather have her for longer periods of time, but considering she is already being shared between two house holds, it would be difficult to justify, to myself as well as others, that a three way split won't be disruptive to her. So I have resigned myself to playing the part of the fun parent who has her on the days off. Kinda like a young hip Grandma. I'll be the one teaching her how to bake, how to cook and how to do crafts, aswell as hopefully many other important life lessons that weekday parenting doesn't always allow for. It would also allow for us to continue to do the videos we were doing before all these life changes occured. I recieved a very expensive video camera from Mommy <3 for Christmas and plan on putting it to good use with the help of my little ham actor.
Anywho, I just reread all of this and realized that it's WAY TO FREAKING LONG! I'm nto going to shorten it though, as it all fits together, all should be said and also I'm feeling lazy at the moment. I will hopefully be posting more, and much shorting, updates and oddities in future. I'm looking forward to writting again. For now, i'm off to make myself some steak and potaotes. Yummers!
-Luggy
P.S. I know there are several slepping and grammatical errors in this post, but, as I said I'm feeling lazy and not on my computer, so I don't feel like going through and correcting them the way that LiveJournal presents the corrections....so pppptttttt :P