sleep comes uneasily this evening
late into the hour thought it is, my mind is unsettled and scattered. unfortunately, my mentor and adviser Ed Naghtreehoe appears to be occupied for the foreseeable future. Thus i am left to deal with the shallow pool of latent thoughts and fragmented visions.
i cant help but wonder about my future. i realize that all have flaws and i have found many but the one i have guarded unknowingly appears to be my greatest. is it possible for someone to be so quick to open his heart? i am faced with the reality that my soul is old and my heart golden, genuine care and compassion for my fellow man appears to have struck me quickly and deeply. as though unwilled, this fatal flaw has presented itself to me in such a way that i can not deny it and that acceptance is only allowing it to take a strangle hold over me. i do not wish for my actions to be corrupted by its presense or its mastery over me. undoubtedly i will one day have to let it but it appears i can stave it off for a while longer.
oddly enough, it is that same weakness that i have come to over the years protect has also left me brittle. unlike most who expose the weakness to the fire and forge it anew with great strength and resolve, i have left this cold forged iron weak and ill equiped against the forces of the world. not unlike the titanic, i feel as though the strength is unsurmountable but i do not see the iceberg waiting in with but a tip revealing itself as it plunges deep into my shell. so much for an endless voyage.
i realize that although late in the game so to speak, i must muster courage and place my brittle iron into the fires and see how hot she can burn. i will be punished for not releasing this latent shield and building upon it. alas, i will find myself in strange and painful situations needing tending. i hope that Ed has shown me enough wisdom from his years to truly understand the meaning of it all.
i cant help but wonder about my future. i realize that all have flaws and i have found many but the one i have guarded unknowingly appears to be my greatest. is it possible for someone to be so quick to open his heart? i am faced with the reality that my soul is old and my heart golden, genuine care and compassion for my fellow man appears to have struck me quickly and deeply. as though unwilled, this fatal flaw has presented itself to me in such a way that i can not deny it and that acceptance is only allowing it to take a strangle hold over me. i do not wish for my actions to be corrupted by its presense or its mastery over me. undoubtedly i will one day have to let it but it appears i can stave it off for a while longer.
oddly enough, it is that same weakness that i have come to over the years protect has also left me brittle. unlike most who expose the weakness to the fire and forge it anew with great strength and resolve, i have left this cold forged iron weak and ill equiped against the forces of the world. not unlike the titanic, i feel as though the strength is unsurmountable but i do not see the iceberg waiting in with but a tip revealing itself as it plunges deep into my shell. so much for an endless voyage.
i realize that although late in the game so to speak, i must muster courage and place my brittle iron into the fires and see how hot she can burn. i will be punished for not releasing this latent shield and building upon it. alas, i will find myself in strange and painful situations needing tending. i hope that Ed has shown me enough wisdom from his years to truly understand the meaning of it all.