update
Please support if you can. Without legal protections, our relationships are viewed as invalid, and this is part of why queer rights and marriage rights are so important. Spread the word. Thirteen more days remain to pledge.
In other news...I used to say (mostly as a joke)that the only diet that worked for me was depression and not eating. Over the past two years, I have fought like I've fought nothing else in my entire life to get my weight down--which is near to impossible when I can't just go out and run or even go out and walk most days. In those two years, I've lost one full dress size. I thought it was a small accomplishment, but definite forward progress.
In the past three months, I've lost another full size. Nobody cheer--this is because eating is something I surface to do by making myself. In fact, yesterday was the first time I've had a serious appetite for anything in those past three months. (I make a mean navy bean soup.)
But now I'm going to try to take the life back, again. Heartbreak makes me avoid food, makes me avoid contact, makes me get infinitely wrapped in self-reflection like a jagged spiral, but I can't live there forever. I can't, and yesterday told me that if I keep on like this, I'm going to damage something.
Beginning of next week, I take the library books back that I've renewed over the past two months rather than leave the house. I don't have a steady reason to go out on Thursdays; maybe I'll invent one. Or pick a new day. And those days I can, I'm going to try to move as much as I can, and do chair exercises when I can't.
In the meantime, if anyone knows any free patterns for underwear (seriously not kidding on that), let me know? I still don't have the sewing machine up and running, so everything's taking longer, but so far I've made one floor-length skirt out of scrap fabric, I'm in process on another one (about a third finished on that), and I've taken in six pairs of underwear so that they fit better. I have maybe another half size before my bras stop fitting, but I found a good starter resource to go through when they do. I'm having to struggle to take up pants--everything is so loose it's scary; I feel like if I inhale my jeans are going to hit the floor!) but I'm trying to dig out old sashes to tie things in place until I figure out a better plan.
Would be easier with a budget, but hey, whatever works. We have money now and again for thread and elastic and such; everything else I can do on my own, or--in a pinch--convince the girls to go down to the Sal Army depot where they sell shirts and pants by the pound.
I know I get through this. I have no doubt whatsoever I get through this. I've been through worse things in my life than another male breaking my heart, and catdancer and NeoGabi are supporting me as much as they can, and I them. The biggest thing is keeping my hands busy, keeping me active as much as possible, and forcing myself to eat whether I want to or not, at least every five hours. I'm working on that.
Everything else will resolve. And no, this isn't another Terminus filter broadcast, because I'm hoping someone has better Google-fu on patterns than I've had.
In other news...I used to say (mostly as a joke)that the only diet that worked for me was depression and not eating. Over the past two years, I have fought like I've fought nothing else in my entire life to get my weight down--which is near to impossible when I can't just go out and run or even go out and walk most days. In those two years, I've lost one full dress size. I thought it was a small accomplishment, but definite forward progress.
In the past three months, I've lost another full size. Nobody cheer--this is because eating is something I surface to do by making myself. In fact, yesterday was the first time I've had a serious appetite for anything in those past three months. (I make a mean navy bean soup.)
But now I'm going to try to take the life back, again. Heartbreak makes me avoid food, makes me avoid contact, makes me get infinitely wrapped in self-reflection like a jagged spiral, but I can't live there forever. I can't, and yesterday told me that if I keep on like this, I'm going to damage something.
Beginning of next week, I take the library books back that I've renewed over the past two months rather than leave the house. I don't have a steady reason to go out on Thursdays; maybe I'll invent one. Or pick a new day. And those days I can, I'm going to try to move as much as I can, and do chair exercises when I can't.
In the meantime, if anyone knows any free patterns for underwear (seriously not kidding on that), let me know? I still don't have the sewing machine up and running, so everything's taking longer, but so far I've made one floor-length skirt out of scrap fabric, I'm in process on another one (about a third finished on that), and I've taken in six pairs of underwear so that they fit better. I have maybe another half size before my bras stop fitting, but I found a good starter resource to go through when they do. I'm having to struggle to take up pants--everything is so loose it's scary; I feel like if I inhale my jeans are going to hit the floor!) but I'm trying to dig out old sashes to tie things in place until I figure out a better plan.
Would be easier with a budget, but hey, whatever works. We have money now and again for thread and elastic and such; everything else I can do on my own, or--in a pinch--convince the girls to go down to the Sal Army depot where they sell shirts and pants by the pound.
I know I get through this. I have no doubt whatsoever I get through this. I've been through worse things in my life than another male breaking my heart, and catdancer and NeoGabi are supporting me as much as they can, and I them. The biggest thing is keeping my hands busy, keeping me active as much as possible, and forcing myself to eat whether I want to or not, at least every five hours. I'm working on that.
Everything else will resolve. And no, this isn't another Terminus filter broadcast, because I'm hoping someone has better Google-fu on patterns than I've had.