It's okay to dump your boyfriend.
The following is a speech I have given many times, and I will probably give it many more times in my life (much to my dismay). I don't know why my mind is making me type this right now, but something tells me I should have it on file somewhere I can refer to for future conversations. Feel free to ignore it if that's your prerogative.
It's okay to dump your boyfriend. You don't have to wait for him to dump you. There is a myth that has been constantly perpetuated that a lady never dumps. And yeah, I see the truth in it, at least in the subcultures that are considered less "socially acceptable": the gamers, the otakus, the fangirls, the nerds. We are often told (subconsciously through media and interactions with others) that we should be grateful that we even have a boyfriend, that our lives have been made infinitely better because we have a boyfriend, and that to turn down such a gift would be cruel and wasteful when others have no such joy. This is bullshit. Looking beyond the fact that men are apparently supposed to be a gift, there is no reason why women (especially women of subcultures) should view their lives as less meaningful/wonderful/important if there is not another person in it.
It's okay to dump your boyfriend because there is nothing wrong with being single. Being with someone does not make you better then anyone else, and it does not make you happier then anyone else. Television has told us that we must be paired up in order to find life fulfillment, because strong female characters that aren't also desperately in need of a man to show them the ways of love are an endangered species. But in truth being with another human being is just that. A relationship with another human being. A human being who is just as flawed and lost and confused as you are. You can't find absolute happiness in that. There can be some joy, but it isn't a life-fulfilling sort of happiness that is instantly going to make up for all the inadequacies in your life. You are afraid of being alone, but you have no reason to be. There are billions of people in the world. You are not alone, and you are wonderful. Maybe a relationship is in your future, maybe not, but you are still wonderful and you don't need a man to make you that way because you already are.
It's okay to dump your boyfriend, even if you think you can save him. If you have reason to doubt it's not going to work, go with your gut. Girls like a project. It's generally been shown that women who are insecure gravitate to "bad" boys because they believe they can fix them. I've been there. I've done that. It never happens. Women waste their lives trying to clean up the acts of men who will never be better because men are not a rotting piece of furniture that needs a little TLC. Men are humans, and they make their own choices based on their own lives. If you are staying with a guy because he's going to change eventually, then you're waiting for a train that is never going to come. Change is not something you can force on a guy, and it's not something that will magically happen because you will it to. If he wants to change something about himself for you, he will actually make attempts to do it because he wants to do it. Not just because you want him to do it, but because he wants to do it. So if this is an ongoing thing, if you're thinking that change is right around the corner even though he's shown no signs up until that point, you have the right to get the fuck out of there.
It's okay to dump your boyfriend for any reason. You don't have to wait for him to hurt you. If you don't like the way things are going with a boyfriend, that is reason enough to leave him. Some girls think that they need an extreme reason to leave a guy. He needs to cheat on her, or get caught looking at porn, or start doing drugs, or hit her, or something so drastic that others can only wonder why she didn't leave sooner. Do not wait for that. If you are unhappy for any reason, and I do mean any reason, you can leave. You can dump him for his bad taste in music, or his horrible fashion sense, or his obsession with WoW, or just because you're tired of looking at him. Yes, these are all petty but you have that right. We have been told that we should be grateful to be dating anyone, and so to dump someone for anything less then a felony or at least a serious breach of personal trust feels like a betrayal. You know what else is a betrayal? Letting yourself stay with some loser because you're waiting for him to really screw up before you leave him.
It's okay to dump your boyfriend because no one would think twice if he dumped you. Men make these sorts of choices all the time, and women just sit back and accept it as something that men do. Men ask women out, men propose, and men dump women. You are allowed to have a say in how your romantic life plays out. If you are unhappy you have the right to leave. You are the master of your life, not men. We are done with being told that we need to take care of men, that we need to save them from themselves. that they are somehow going to make us better, that we can never abandon them short of for fear of our lives. We are done feeling guilty or miserable over relationships with men because we are amazing, with or without them.
And that's the goddamn truth.
It's okay to dump your boyfriend. You don't have to wait for him to dump you. There is a myth that has been constantly perpetuated that a lady never dumps. And yeah, I see the truth in it, at least in the subcultures that are considered less "socially acceptable": the gamers, the otakus, the fangirls, the nerds. We are often told (subconsciously through media and interactions with others) that we should be grateful that we even have a boyfriend, that our lives have been made infinitely better because we have a boyfriend, and that to turn down such a gift would be cruel and wasteful when others have no such joy. This is bullshit. Looking beyond the fact that men are apparently supposed to be a gift, there is no reason why women (especially women of subcultures) should view their lives as less meaningful/wonderful/important if there is not another person in it.
It's okay to dump your boyfriend because there is nothing wrong with being single. Being with someone does not make you better then anyone else, and it does not make you happier then anyone else. Television has told us that we must be paired up in order to find life fulfillment, because strong female characters that aren't also desperately in need of a man to show them the ways of love are an endangered species. But in truth being with another human being is just that. A relationship with another human being. A human being who is just as flawed and lost and confused as you are. You can't find absolute happiness in that. There can be some joy, but it isn't a life-fulfilling sort of happiness that is instantly going to make up for all the inadequacies in your life. You are afraid of being alone, but you have no reason to be. There are billions of people in the world. You are not alone, and you are wonderful. Maybe a relationship is in your future, maybe not, but you are still wonderful and you don't need a man to make you that way because you already are.
It's okay to dump your boyfriend, even if you think you can save him. If you have reason to doubt it's not going to work, go with your gut. Girls like a project. It's generally been shown that women who are insecure gravitate to "bad" boys because they believe they can fix them. I've been there. I've done that. It never happens. Women waste their lives trying to clean up the acts of men who will never be better because men are not a rotting piece of furniture that needs a little TLC. Men are humans, and they make their own choices based on their own lives. If you are staying with a guy because he's going to change eventually, then you're waiting for a train that is never going to come. Change is not something you can force on a guy, and it's not something that will magically happen because you will it to. If he wants to change something about himself for you, he will actually make attempts to do it because he wants to do it. Not just because you want him to do it, but because he wants to do it. So if this is an ongoing thing, if you're thinking that change is right around the corner even though he's shown no signs up until that point, you have the right to get the fuck out of there.
It's okay to dump your boyfriend for any reason. You don't have to wait for him to hurt you. If you don't like the way things are going with a boyfriend, that is reason enough to leave him. Some girls think that they need an extreme reason to leave a guy. He needs to cheat on her, or get caught looking at porn, or start doing drugs, or hit her, or something so drastic that others can only wonder why she didn't leave sooner. Do not wait for that. If you are unhappy for any reason, and I do mean any reason, you can leave. You can dump him for his bad taste in music, or his horrible fashion sense, or his obsession with WoW, or just because you're tired of looking at him. Yes, these are all petty but you have that right. We have been told that we should be grateful to be dating anyone, and so to dump someone for anything less then a felony or at least a serious breach of personal trust feels like a betrayal. You know what else is a betrayal? Letting yourself stay with some loser because you're waiting for him to really screw up before you leave him.
It's okay to dump your boyfriend because no one would think twice if he dumped you. Men make these sorts of choices all the time, and women just sit back and accept it as something that men do. Men ask women out, men propose, and men dump women. You are allowed to have a say in how your romantic life plays out. If you are unhappy you have the right to leave. You are the master of your life, not men. We are done with being told that we need to take care of men, that we need to save them from themselves. that they are somehow going to make us better, that we can never abandon them short of for fear of our lives. We are done feeling guilty or miserable over relationships with men because we are amazing, with or without them.
And that's the goddamn truth.