I never know what to say
Its been a while since I posted in here. I keep my Myspace more up to date than this, and even its pretty barren.
I think my problem is, I never know how to explain whats going on in my life, because when I look at myself, I don't see much. I have a very negative self image, and so I have very negative image of my actions.
I sleep. I eat. I go to work. I interact with friends every once in a while. I yell at the cat. I feel like my life is one big circle, and I can't break the pattern.
I could quit my job, find a new one. That would spice things up for a while. But, despite how much I complain about it, I kind of like my job. And I kind of like the people I work with.
I just don't know what to do with myself anymore, and it leads to me feeling very, very neutral. Nothings good or bad in my life right now, it feels, just very boring.
Then again, it depends on when you catch me. There are times, depending on who I'm around, who I'm talking to, when everything in my life seems okay. I'm happy, I'm normal, I'm accepted. Then there are other times when I hate the world, and everyone in it.
I don't like feeling so bored and unmotivated when it comes to everything. I have an above average vocabulary, but the most I can ever say about my life is "meh."
On top of that, I think I'm falling for someone, and I know it won't end well. I've already told her, and I already know she doesn't feel the same, but I keep feeling more and more drawn to her. I've always told myself when my feeling sin the past led to bad results that it was alright, because no matter what I felt, it wasn't love. Because when I finally found that right person, she'd be someone I could open up to, and talk to, and laugh with, rather than freeze up the way I usually do with girls I like.
And thats what this is. She's an amazing friend, and I have so much fun just being with her. Normally I would be petrified to talk to her, given what I feel, but everything seems so natural. And thats what hurts the most. Because I feel like this might be something real, and it will never have a chance.
I hope everyone is doing okay. Have a wonderful Christmas, if I don't get a chance to talk to you. Drop me an email or AIM me from time to time.
I think my problem is, I never know how to explain whats going on in my life, because when I look at myself, I don't see much. I have a very negative self image, and so I have very negative image of my actions.
I sleep. I eat. I go to work. I interact with friends every once in a while. I yell at the cat. I feel like my life is one big circle, and I can't break the pattern.
I could quit my job, find a new one. That would spice things up for a while. But, despite how much I complain about it, I kind of like my job. And I kind of like the people I work with.
I just don't know what to do with myself anymore, and it leads to me feeling very, very neutral. Nothings good or bad in my life right now, it feels, just very boring.
Then again, it depends on when you catch me. There are times, depending on who I'm around, who I'm talking to, when everything in my life seems okay. I'm happy, I'm normal, I'm accepted. Then there are other times when I hate the world, and everyone in it.
I don't like feeling so bored and unmotivated when it comes to everything. I have an above average vocabulary, but the most I can ever say about my life is "meh."
On top of that, I think I'm falling for someone, and I know it won't end well. I've already told her, and I already know she doesn't feel the same, but I keep feeling more and more drawn to her. I've always told myself when my feeling sin the past led to bad results that it was alright, because no matter what I felt, it wasn't love. Because when I finally found that right person, she'd be someone I could open up to, and talk to, and laugh with, rather than freeze up the way I usually do with girls I like.
And thats what this is. She's an amazing friend, and I have so much fun just being with her. Normally I would be petrified to talk to her, given what I feel, but everything seems so natural. And thats what hurts the most. Because I feel like this might be something real, and it will never have a chance.
I hope everyone is doing okay. Have a wonderful Christmas, if I don't get a chance to talk to you. Drop me an email or AIM me from time to time.