Wow

[nekokitana]

I don't know why, but phoenix amazes me more and more as time goes by. He is such a wonderful boyfriend. I wouldn't trade him for the world. He was so intent on seeing me today, that even though he hadn't slept in over 24 hours, he still showed up at my doorstep this evening to visit. Now, I call that dedication. I was so worried about him though because he looked exhausted. I was so thankful that he arrived here, and at his home unharmed. I care about him soooo much. He is perfect, everything that I have ever asked for, and prayed for, when I used to pray that is, I don't pray anymore. I just don't know what is out there. I am sure that one day, I will find some higher existence to believe in, but for now, I am happy in just being a drifter. But, if I did have to pick a religion, I think that maybe I would choose wiccan, because it is starting to call towards my direction. I am sure that if indeed that is what I chose to believe in, phoenix wouldn't mind too much. He says that he is afraid to lose me. I don't know why he would be, after all, I have assured him that I am the most unique girl in the universe, and that only 2 things would ever make me go away, and those are cheating and lying. And by lying, I don't mean the little white ones used to make a chick feel better when she is down. What I mean is the real ones that leave someone hurt in the end. And I don't think that he is even capable of either one. Other than that, nothing in the universe could ever make me leave his side. Not even death. Funny thing, every time he looks into my eyes, he looks as though he wants to tell me something, but he just doesn't say a word. I know that he is falling for me hard. Just as I am for him. I know that I shouldn't feel this way for him so soon, but there is just something about him that causes all of these heart-felt emotions to rise up in my soul, and I don't know why. But I think that I feel the same way about him that he feels for me. Funny thing is that I almost let one certain word slip tonight as we parted, I can't believe that that feeling is rushing to me so quickly. I can safely say that I have never felt this much for someone as quickly as I have fallen for phoenix. I also know what words he is wanting to say, but stops right at the last second. I feel the same way, and I almost slipped up and said the words myself, but I jsut don't want to be the first person to say them this time, I would like to hear them first this time. And be different for a change. I just don't know how long I can hold out on saying how I really feel, even though he feels the same way. I know I feel this because every time we are together, everything feels right, perfect. And when I am in his arms, I am blown away with emotion. And I know that I won't be able to hide that forever either. I just don't want to seem too willing. I would like to give him a challenge, so to speak, lol, but I just don't know how much longer I can last. I just wonder whose cup will overflow first, I get chills just talking about how perfect we are together. I think that he may just be the one for me. Someone that I could spend my life with. After all, I am so tired of the dating scene. For once in my life, I am with someone who makes sense, and that I can relate to and who generally cares about me, and also someone who I care about. I don't want to lose him. I just don't want to do anything stupid to fuck all this perfectness up. But I am not going to let him go. He is too perfect. He is everything to me. When I wake up, I think of him, during the time I am awake, I think of him, and when I lay down to sleep he is on my mind. I am even starting to dream about him. I just cant' get enough of him. I hope that we are together forever. I don't know how I ever functioned without him, and I know that if I were to lose him, that I would never be able to function normally again. I mean, all I have to do is think about him, and even my job isn't as bad. What did I ever do to deserve such a wonderful person?? I would do anything to make him happy . I would go to no end to see his gorgeous smile, I am even starting to think that I would give up my cat for him. lol
Well, I guess I am going to head off of here.
Love to all, hugs to most, and kisses to my wonderful phoenix he who makes my life complete who deserves all the wonders of heaven and earth. He, the thief, who has stolen my heart deserves to be mine and mine alone. I will not share!!!