Stress is a Mess...
It's amazing how feelings and emotions can change from one week to the next. Stress pops up out of nowhere, but I know taking off school on Friday because of a Temperature of 100.6 was the better choice. I cannot be an effective student if I'm sick, but I feel that I was responsible in letting my two Instructors know I wouldn't be in and that I had a way to get the assignments in that were due despite the inability to make it in to class. But somehow, over the weekend and throughout the day on Monday, I just found more and more incidents that made me feel poor, worth less than others, and guilty. I seem to have also made my Roommate; Krystal; and my friend; Joanna; sick with the cold that I had started to feel on Thursday. With that, Krystal's stress level has risen because of being sick and knowing that it has to be the one day she can't miss that she feels the worst on. Again, I sort of feel like that's my fault, but I know I can't control that, just try to encourage her to work through it.
As for feeling poor, I need a simple, black, Prismacolor marker to replace the one that all my classes and assignments have made me use the ink from for the last week and a half. But so many people I know have already said that they can just ask Dad, or Mom, or can get the money from their job/paycheck and not be out anything. Whereas I ask Mom for money for lunch every day and I know by Friday we're essentially broke. The next week's money comes from my stepdad; Mike's; paycheck and that's not usually a ton to spend since we also need groceries for the house... I need gas to get to school, I still have a letter to send and a package to return that are very overdue at being shopped out for lack of money to just go and do so. It really feels like I'd have to choose between buying lunch or getting a little gas or a spare marker to finish a project/assignment. It just doesn't feel fair and I hate this. I've lived like this for a long time and it's highly aggravating when that situation is shown to me again. While it's a motivation to come to school, do the work, learn, get the degree, and get a nice job in a field I like, the fact is that it's also a kick in the stomach to realize that right now, there's not a lot that I can do. I know from experience that I cannot hold a part-time job and go to school. My sleeping habits, and the lack of space to do much of my work at home also adds to that. I stay after classes quite often with Joanna and Krystal... Not only to do work, but because it's also a very comfortable environment and I relly feel like I get more done when I stay and work on something there than when I come home. Finishing an assignment that I had to do here at home, I cursed more times than I care to count while trying to finish it. But due to lack of space, I will have to hand in an assignment that I screwed up because my arm was hit by a cat that I had no control over. It mad a mark I couldn't fix because I was using marker. Little things frustrated me all day today...
I do know that I will get past it, and move on, but sometimes it just feels like it won't pass and maybe this time it'll be too much. But at least by this point in my life, I have realized that when I feel that way, I have to do something to make myself feel better, or find a way to deal with it.
So far, note-taking has come into play, but only in the sense that I worry because I take so few; and do what I always did. (That is, I pay attention to the lecture/discussion and I usually do rather well on quizzes.)
It hit me today I have like three or four things due on the 31st... Only ONE of which I have done... It seems like a lot, and I guess I had expected farther away deadlines that became shorter/closer and closer as you progressed so that by the end of your 6 Terms/18 months, you'd be worked up and used to like... 48-hour deadlines from the time an assignment is due. I realize that it isn't that way, and I do my best to keep up with them. However, I've found myself having to choose between sleeping more than 4 hours or so and not finishing an assignment that's due the next day. It's probably part of what let me catch that cold in the first place, but I don't want to fail because of not doing assignments. If I'm going to fail at all, it will be because my work is not up to par, not because I didn't do my best on it and turn it in on time.
--Jess "School is Fun, It's Home That Sucks" Markius
As for feeling poor, I need a simple, black, Prismacolor marker to replace the one that all my classes and assignments have made me use the ink from for the last week and a half. But so many people I know have already said that they can just ask Dad, or Mom, or can get the money from their job/paycheck and not be out anything. Whereas I ask Mom for money for lunch every day and I know by Friday we're essentially broke. The next week's money comes from my stepdad; Mike's; paycheck and that's not usually a ton to spend since we also need groceries for the house... I need gas to get to school, I still have a letter to send and a package to return that are very overdue at being shopped out for lack of money to just go and do so. It really feels like I'd have to choose between buying lunch or getting a little gas or a spare marker to finish a project/assignment. It just doesn't feel fair and I hate this. I've lived like this for a long time and it's highly aggravating when that situation is shown to me again. While it's a motivation to come to school, do the work, learn, get the degree, and get a nice job in a field I like, the fact is that it's also a kick in the stomach to realize that right now, there's not a lot that I can do. I know from experience that I cannot hold a part-time job and go to school. My sleeping habits, and the lack of space to do much of my work at home also adds to that. I stay after classes quite often with Joanna and Krystal... Not only to do work, but because it's also a very comfortable environment and I relly feel like I get more done when I stay and work on something there than when I come home. Finishing an assignment that I had to do here at home, I cursed more times than I care to count while trying to finish it. But due to lack of space, I will have to hand in an assignment that I screwed up because my arm was hit by a cat that I had no control over. It mad a mark I couldn't fix because I was using marker. Little things frustrated me all day today...
I do know that I will get past it, and move on, but sometimes it just feels like it won't pass and maybe this time it'll be too much. But at least by this point in my life, I have realized that when I feel that way, I have to do something to make myself feel better, or find a way to deal with it.
So far, note-taking has come into play, but only in the sense that I worry because I take so few; and do what I always did. (That is, I pay attention to the lecture/discussion and I usually do rather well on quizzes.)
It hit me today I have like three or four things due on the 31st... Only ONE of which I have done... It seems like a lot, and I guess I had expected farther away deadlines that became shorter/closer and closer as you progressed so that by the end of your 6 Terms/18 months, you'd be worked up and used to like... 48-hour deadlines from the time an assignment is due. I realize that it isn't that way, and I do my best to keep up with them. However, I've found myself having to choose between sleeping more than 4 hours or so and not finishing an assignment that's due the next day. It's probably part of what let me catch that cold in the first place, but I don't want to fail because of not doing assignments. If I'm going to fail at all, it will be because my work is not up to par, not because I didn't do my best on it and turn it in on time.
--Jess "School is Fun, It's Home That Sucks" Markius