The Animal Within
A good friend recently said something that has been giving me a lot to think about. He said that when he gets aroused his personality changes. He notices a difference and it can be hard to control, and I realized it’s the same fore me. It was like something clicked, at least in my head it felt like it did. For a very long time now I have contemplated the juxtaposition of societal views on sex and my own personal choices and the opinion of my generation. Finally the question has boiled down to what does it really matter? Society, religious or not, tends to lean conservatively towards sex and sexual behavior. For example, two people who don’t know each other spend the night together on New Years Eve. Society views them as deviants, people like my mother call them “hosebags”.
It’s this opinion that nags at me. Men are also looked down upon for this type of “sexual deviancy” but it’s socially acceptable for men. What was the entire women’s liberation movement for if not to at least give both genders an equal playing field socially? Granted that safe sex isn’t 100% safe, there are still dangerous to living a sexually free lifestyle. However, it still comes down to the individual’s right to choose how they live. My generation seems to be more open towards this sexually free ideal and I would like to think that the men in my generation don’t see women as hosebags, but rather as equals.
In my own pursuits for affection I have often come across a phenomenon where men desire me sexually but they aren’t interested in anything else. Not that I have the free time or desire for a clingy, committed relationship, I just can’t fathom that anyone would want to get naked and fuck someone they aren’t even remotely interested in hanging out with. A fuck buddy just isn’t any fun unless you can enjoy their company. No one likes the friend that only comes around when they want something. There are names for those kinds of friends, fair-weather friends. This is where my own personal desires blur the line between casual sex and relationship. It makes things difficult to define what I want. I just want to feel close to people and to enjoy their company. No social constraints or definitions just two people enjoying a friendship. Is that even possible anymore?
Then there’s the whole other ball of wax where emotions get involved. Emotions are complicated and extremely difficult to ever fully explain, comprehend or control. Perhaps this is why society feels the need to define what is acceptable for relationships. Even the casual encounter has to go somewhere, even if it ends in a fair-weather friendship. So what is a smarter choice, what is the “right” thing to do? It always comes back to the individual. What is wrong with a person who leads with their heart, which gives love freely and in many forms and that does not worry what other people think about any of it? Absolutely nothing, if we all lived this way there wouldn’t be the need to lie.