going back a lil, and reflecting...
i feel impelled to bring up my post from april 17th:
"i want the fairy tale. i've always wanted the fairy tale...it's just really hard for me to except the fact that it doesn't exist. it's not real. it is what it is...a fairy tale. fantasy. fiction. fables. stories that were written by people who had so many dreams that they just wrote them down, and they couldn't even see the truth because they were blinded by all of these hopes and wishes that can never come true in our world.
we see what we want to see. we believe what we want to believe. this is what i see...i see myself a few years down the road. graduated from college. working my life away. being alone and unhappy because i don't know what i'm looking for. i used to be the definition of a "dreamer"...but i don't have time for that stupid crap anymore...i'm being forced to grow up. i have to grow up. i can't keep wishing, hoping, and praying for things to work out because it just doesn't happen that way. giving up seems like such an easy option these days...i guess it's only a matter of time now.
time...fuck time. always screwing me up. doesn't let me go backward or forward. makes me sit through it. drains me until nothing matters anymore. doesn't give me enough to do what i have to do. yeah, fuck you time. fuck you fairy tales. fuck the free world and all of its hopeless posibilities. movies, books, songs, fuck you too. you talk about love and relationships like it all ends happily ever after, but what about the space between?"
how do i begin to reflect upon this? it's still relatively precise as to how i'm feeling now. i still want the fairy tale (even though i know it doesn't exist), i'm still being forced (and forcing myself) to grow up, and i still hate time. how do so many movies, books, and songs fit almost perfectly into my puzzle? how do they know what i'm going through? i guess we're not all as different as we would like to be. it's almost like we all end up changing and having pretty close to the same guidelines. we go through the same ordeals, and we either get out of them or get stuck in them at least a couple times in our lives, and there's only a limited amount of ways to experience either one. when people tell you that they know what you mean, chances are they're not lying because they probably went through the same damn thing, or at least along the lines of it...oh well, so much for being an "original"