friends,foes, family and other life forms

[nehani36]

*sigh* ok, so the new year is starting off rocky to say the very least. It seems to me that people arent playing very nice in their shared sandboxes and arent willing to just take their toys and leave or to share and be big boys and girls

Comments

[nehani36]

home shouldnt feel unsafe which is kind of what I was getting at guys.
While I wasnt talking about your issues specifically, you both have kind of made that the topic and as such I feel it necessary to say that everyone needs to just chill out! For goodness sake what the heck could cause such a harsh strain between everyone that makes it impossible for those who were once good friends to sit down and at least make amends and if necessary go in separate directions BUT at least maintain a friendship that wont turn hostile when youre in the same room together.
Everyone of you is an adult. Each of you has the responsibility of acting like one. This isnt high school and you cant run away from your lives. Sooner or later everyone needs to face everyone else and either start fresh or repair damage done. No one should feel unsafe returning home though, especially since it seems that it safety issues shouldnt even be the issue.

On a side note, as I stated from the start, this post really had very little to do with your issues but rather things in general.

[nusciencegirl]

I couldn't agree with you more, Donna. Home shouldn't feel safe. But, I was put into a situation where I was trapped in my own room while someone decided to scream at me and call me names. I admit that screaming back probably wasn't the best idea, but I've apologized for reacting badly. I never should have been put in that situation in the first place. The someone else decided to scream and yell at me. That one I ignored because I don't need that kind of verbal abuse in my life at the moment. And all of the LJ comments I have read from the past two days are angry and hostile, and yet *someone* thinks I'm actually going to listen to her threats and come home. Now, does walking in that house sound like a very smart idea? I think not.

[nusciencegirl]

Correction for typo: Home SHOULD feel safe.

[nehani36]

ok... since apparently things wont be resolved while sitting at home... can I suggest a meeting of the minds in a public place where everyone has to kind of mind their P's and Q's?
You shouldnt have to do this but if home isnt safe and things need to be said, public places may be the next best option...
I have to say though that personal issues shouldnt have to be expressed on LJ is a verbally aggressive way that is hurtful to everyone involved.
I understand that everyone is angry and everyone feels they are justified in their actions BUT at some point someone needs to be the first to put down their defenses a bit.
You are all friends and you all need to take a look back at what made you friends in the first place and enough with the nasty comments and empty or otherwise threats.
Yes, you may need to leave the house and seek an address elsewhere BUT I would hope for the sake of your friendships that you might be able to mend enough fences to say Im sorry to each other and call this issue quits.

[nusciencegirl]

I don't know about the friends issue anymore. The Super Witches are dead, and they have been for a while. This has gone too far, and I'm not sure I can forgive and forget that easily.

[nehani36]

theres a difference between forgiving and forgetting.
You may not have a friendship like you had at one time however through all of this you are forgetting the one big thing that you ALL have a connection to and that is FCOW.
If you dont come to some reasonable truce then how on earth are all of you going to work together as bards? How are you going to sit in sacred space together?
Whether you choose to forgive or not is irrelevant though at this point I guess, but you do ALL need to say whats on your minds in an adult manner and handle the words spoken by the other without losing your cool.
This may be the end of an era for you but it shouldnt end in such a way that none of you can stand being in the same room with one another... you still have too many connections to one another to fully ever walk away.

[indigofish911]

I'm sorry I raised my voice. I was frustrated that you felt you had done your part for the previous showing when I had spent 3 tiring hours getting the house ready. I truly felt that you did not keep up your end of the deal because there was trash in your room, the litter box in there needed to be cleaned badly, there was some clutter of yours in the den, etc. etc. I think this is even more frustrating because when you first moved in you said that you were a neat freak and I have not seen that at all. I was also frustrated because you had said that you would take care of the litter box and such that morning, and when I came back up it was not done and it seemed you had not intention of doing it. To me, that's lying. As far as blocking the door, I did not even think of that or look at it from that perspective at all.

[nusciencegirl]

I appreciate your apology. But again, I was sick on Sunday, and we had 30 minutes notice. That's not an attack; that's what the situation was. I didn't have the energy to do much of anything Sunday morning. I have been sick since before the holidays. As far as being a neat freak goes, you haven't seen it because by the time you come home on the weekends, the place is a mess, and very little of it is mine. I'm getting frustrated because selling the house is really more yours and Sarah's issue, not mine. And yet, for the vast majority of the showings, Elena and I have spent hours getting the place ready because no one else was there to do it. We have been doing our part, whether you have seen it or not. Elena frequently spends her days off doing dishes, and I know there have been as many as 4 loads of dishes in the sink. I rarely eat eat at home, so I know that a lot of that is not mine. I have spent my days off vacuuming, dusting, and other things that need to be done, in addition to dishes. So, being yelled and screamed at and told that I'm not neat really hurt. I also might add that it's a bit hard to keep a place clean when I've had very little storage space, since I have not had use of my closet since the day I moved in, which is where the majority of my stuff would be if that was available.

[nehani36]

thank you Katie.
I'm glad at least one person is hearing me and starting to clear the air some.
Living with people who arent your blood relatives can be trying sometimes. Dealing with less than ideal situations in a time of stress makes it that much harder.
But, being able to see situations from as many angles as possible before totally blowing things out of proportion may keep some of the stress down to a more managable level.
Ok, so you felt you had done the lions share of cleaning and you were frustrated that stuff hadnt been done that was necessary before having your house shown. Thats understandable believe me, I've been there but raising voices in anger certainly wont help the situation.. learned this too... while it would have helped to know in advance that people were coming, you cant change the past and all you can do is a quick clean and hope for the best without losing your cool with others because youre rushed.
Susan had said she was feeling ill and that the weekend had been a not so great one for her... this being said, was anyone else aware that she was so off her usual self and did anyone ask if A. they could help or B. what was the matter?
We have to be somewhat sensitive to the changes in our roomies behavior just as we would in our blood family because afterall in a way YOU ARE FAMILY to each other and you depend on each other in good or bad.
I appreciate your chiming in Katie even if this blurb didnt start off intending the way that it did

[nehani36]

would it help if you broke down the household chores into blocks of who will do what? You could alternate the chores monthly or whatever so that everyone is responsible for something...
Katie, your gone all week but you could handle something that needs to only be done once a week like dusting.
Everyone should be responsible for dishes when they are done with them.
General stuff like laundry, each do your own.
Breaking it down may make it more clear who needs to do what regardless of where they spend their time because the house is everyones issue regardless of who is there the most.