(no subject)
It is interesting the things that people will do because they consider them to be a joke, but it is even funnier when the reaction they get is not laughter.
I think that a few weeks ago I said something about a young man by the name of Glenn McCray. I have worked with him for nearly two years now. In this past year we have gotten to know eachother in a much deeper way. I have to the conclusion that I really like him. I enjoy talking to him. He is funny. We laugh and joke around when we are together. I want him to like me in return.
Well, to keep a very long story short...a few weeks ago it came up that other people are perceiving that maybe we like eachother. Well, I know him well enough to know that even if he were interested in me he wouldn't say it in a conversation like this. He may trust me with a lot of things, but his immediate feelings like that would be a lot. Not to mention it wasn't as much a conversation about us as much as it was a conversation about other people's perceptions of us. In the end he said, "We are friends within a working relationships." This shook me hard. I felt like my heart had been broken...and maybe it was...and maybe with good reason.
Well, I am the point keeper for a basketball team that he plays on. So, I have seen him nearly every Sunday in some capacity for the past four weeks (not to mention that I have seen him almost everyday inbetween for the past four or five months). His comment about us being "friends within in a working relationship" sort of hurt me. I thought that we were at least friends in general. For a little while our communication was kind of funny. One Sunday he didn't even address me, but I didn't address him either. I wanted to talk to him so badly, but I was still feeling so hurt. I have a friend, Elijah, who rides with me to the games because he also plays on the team. When we got in the car after the game I thought that I was going to cry. Instead though, I made comments about how boys are so stupid. He said, in his fabulous Kenyan accent, "Nikkita, what happened? Why do you feel this way?" So I began to explain to him, but leaving out all names because they play on the same basketball team. I told how what had been said hurt me and that I really value Glenn as a friend. Then I confessed just how much I like Glenn. I can't stop thinking about him. Four, maybe five months, and I am still thinking this hard on him. He was smart enough to figure it out by this Sunday, and so Elijah messed with me over it.
He said that he saw Glenn in Renton (a city next to Seattle). Which he very well may have becuase Glenn had said he was going to go to Renton to get his oil changed or something like that. Anyways. When he was in Renton he, Elijah, said that when he ran into Glenn that they talked and that he may have something to tell me. To keep this short, as I have already intened but am currently failing at, he made it seem like he had things to tell me in reference to how Glenn felt towards me. This broke my heart when I found out he was joking. I was thinking about it the whole church service on Sunday. If he only knew what that did to me. Now I feel the pain of the whole unreciprocated like all over again. I thought this was over, but that just brought it all back.
Not mention that Glenn and I talked for over an hour and a half this past Friday about all kinds of things. I love talking to him. It makes me happy to be around him, think about him, listen to him, talk to him. Then the next morning I saw him at a friends house for breakfast. At the end he went to hug the hostess. He was going to give me dap, but she went for it. When she realized it was for me she said, "Oh, I wanted some dap (hand shake, pound it, for you urban illiterate;) ). Then I made a comment about how he has only hugged me four times in our entire friendship. 1. When I was crying over a friend 2. When I visited his church 3. When I was crying over a kid 4. After a powerful worship service...all seemingly emotional times. So, he reached out an hugged me. If felt so absolutely amazing. He hugged me from the side and I wrapped both of my arms arond his waist and he squeezed me so tight. If felt so warm and good.
I say all of that to let you know how much I still like Glenn and how Elijah's little joke was not funny. Especially since I had not told him that I liked Glenn.
Well, it was a cruel joke and right now all I can think about is some Glenn A. McCray. This sucks. I don't think that he will see me the way I see him...whatever! I need to get this under control.
Paz (Peace)
~no~
I think that a few weeks ago I said something about a young man by the name of Glenn McCray. I have worked with him for nearly two years now. In this past year we have gotten to know eachother in a much deeper way. I have to the conclusion that I really like him. I enjoy talking to him. He is funny. We laugh and joke around when we are together. I want him to like me in return.
Well, to keep a very long story short...a few weeks ago it came up that other people are perceiving that maybe we like eachother. Well, I know him well enough to know that even if he were interested in me he wouldn't say it in a conversation like this. He may trust me with a lot of things, but his immediate feelings like that would be a lot. Not to mention it wasn't as much a conversation about us as much as it was a conversation about other people's perceptions of us. In the end he said, "We are friends within a working relationships." This shook me hard. I felt like my heart had been broken...and maybe it was...and maybe with good reason.
Well, I am the point keeper for a basketball team that he plays on. So, I have seen him nearly every Sunday in some capacity for the past four weeks (not to mention that I have seen him almost everyday inbetween for the past four or five months). His comment about us being "friends within in a working relationship" sort of hurt me. I thought that we were at least friends in general. For a little while our communication was kind of funny. One Sunday he didn't even address me, but I didn't address him either. I wanted to talk to him so badly, but I was still feeling so hurt. I have a friend, Elijah, who rides with me to the games because he also plays on the team. When we got in the car after the game I thought that I was going to cry. Instead though, I made comments about how boys are so stupid. He said, in his fabulous Kenyan accent, "Nikkita, what happened? Why do you feel this way?" So I began to explain to him, but leaving out all names because they play on the same basketball team. I told how what had been said hurt me and that I really value Glenn as a friend. Then I confessed just how much I like Glenn. I can't stop thinking about him. Four, maybe five months, and I am still thinking this hard on him. He was smart enough to figure it out by this Sunday, and so Elijah messed with me over it.
He said that he saw Glenn in Renton (a city next to Seattle). Which he very well may have becuase Glenn had said he was going to go to Renton to get his oil changed or something like that. Anyways. When he was in Renton he, Elijah, said that when he ran into Glenn that they talked and that he may have something to tell me. To keep this short, as I have already intened but am currently failing at, he made it seem like he had things to tell me in reference to how Glenn felt towards me. This broke my heart when I found out he was joking. I was thinking about it the whole church service on Sunday. If he only knew what that did to me. Now I feel the pain of the whole unreciprocated like all over again. I thought this was over, but that just brought it all back.
Not mention that Glenn and I talked for over an hour and a half this past Friday about all kinds of things. I love talking to him. It makes me happy to be around him, think about him, listen to him, talk to him. Then the next morning I saw him at a friends house for breakfast. At the end he went to hug the hostess. He was going to give me dap, but she went for it. When she realized it was for me she said, "Oh, I wanted some dap (hand shake, pound it, for you urban illiterate;) ). Then I made a comment about how he has only hugged me four times in our entire friendship. 1. When I was crying over a friend 2. When I visited his church 3. When I was crying over a kid 4. After a powerful worship service...all seemingly emotional times. So, he reached out an hugged me. If felt so absolutely amazing. He hugged me from the side and I wrapped both of my arms arond his waist and he squeezed me so tight. If felt so warm and good.
I say all of that to let you know how much I still like Glenn and how Elijah's little joke was not funny. Especially since I had not told him that I liked Glenn.
Well, it was a cruel joke and right now all I can think about is some Glenn A. McCray. This sucks. I don't think that he will see me the way I see him...whatever! I need to get this under control.
Paz (Peace)
~no~