You are not a man if...

[nefariously]

You walk up stairs one at a time.
You cannot park perfectly straight.
You can't close the deal.
You can't change a tire.
You've ever let another person tool you.
You sit and wait while your girlfriend shops.
You've never punched someone.
Your ego is fragile.
You're not the best at something.
You can't drive stick.
You can't drive a nail straight.
You can't attract a woman.