God damn personal ads are fun!
So, in response to my obnoxious personal ad entitled "I will treat you badly...but you'll like it anyway" where I explained how selfish, distant, and superficial I am...a girl writes me this:
hey there,
so, i saw your post. nice and to the point. i like that. i have a warm
heart and am one of the most loyal friends you'd ever find, but i'm often
brutally honest. some people can't handle the truth and others just don't
like it. i don't like to sugar-coat things. i've dated guys who've treated
me well and others who haven't. i've had that 'everything you want but not
everything you need relationship.' i've had great sex and mediocre sex and
i've met guys who are truly unique. i like sarcasm and witty banter, but i
have a hard time finding guys who can keep up. so what is it that makes
you so confident that you're worth everyone's time? you sort of imply that
you don't intend to end up as anyone's wealthy husband . . . is that because
you're averse to becoming wealthy, or just married? ;-)
a little about me...
i am 25, white, single, never married
well educated, refined, intellectually astute
passionate and warm with a sarcastic sense of humor
work hard and like to play too
former investment banker . . . now a law student
played soccer in college
confident and sexy
i know what i want and how to express myself
i like the finer things in life -- i know a bit about wine and food and art
and cars, and am fairly well-traveled for a woman my age
i can talk about anything, am a dreamer, a romantic, and a deep thinker
have a wild side
i grew up in jersey and love the shore
i speak french and a little italian
have class and style
i've generally dated men at least a few years older than i . . . at 26, you
may be too young for me, but hey, you never know . . . every once in a while
i suppose there could be a 26-yr-old guy who's mature, confident, witty,
interesting, a good conversationalist, and who knows his way around a
woman's body . . .
here's a pic
your turn,
C
And my response:
Ah, a very serious email. Let's break it apart, shall we?
> hey there,
Well, hello there yourself. I didn't actually read this far into the
email until I saw your picture. I expect you'll do the same.
> so, i saw your post. nice and to the point. i like that. i have a warm
Of course you do!
> heart and am one of the most loyal friends you'd ever find, but i'm often
> brutally honest. some people CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH and others just don't
> like it. i don't like to sugar-coat things. i've dated guys who've treated
That was a great Jack Nicholson impression...I like how you just
worked that in like you hadn't planned it from the beginning.
> me well and others who haven't. i've had that 'everything you want but not
> everything you need relationship.' i've had great sex and mediocre sex and
I'm more about 'everything you need and want but never knew'
situations. They make waking up in the morning more interesting, and
that's what I'm all about. And, look at you, already thinking about
sex with me. You girls are all the same...
> i've met guys who are truly unique. i like sarcasm and witty banter, but i
> have a hard time finding guys who can keep up. so what is it that makes
> you so confident that you're worth everyone's time? you sort of imply that
Yes, I am worth everyone's time. Damn problem is that not everyone is
worth mine. Are you?
> you don't intend to end up as anyone's wealthy husband . . . is that because
> you're averse to becoming wealthy, or just married? ;-)
Are you asking me to choose between greed and commitment-phobia?
Why...I just couldn't choose.
> a little about me...
Ah, the obligatory Powerpoint bulleted resume...should I succumb to
convention, too?
> i am 25, white, single, never married
I'm 26, white, never married
> well educated, refined, intellectually astute
I learned everything I need to know from psychic friends and DVD FBI warnings
> passionate and warm with a sarcastic sense of humor
Passionate=horny. That's two times you've thought about sex this
email...and I don't even know if I like you yet...
> work hard and like to play too
What do you play? Twister? Street dice? Oh...is this another nookie reference?
> former investment banker . . . now a law student
Well, I'm sure your taxes are very correct. ;)
> played soccer in college
I played dodgeball in middle school.
> confident and sexy
I am so sexy that I will literally bring a stick to fend you off the
first time we meet.
> i know what i want and how to express myself
I know, I know....world peace.
> i like the finer things in life -- i know a bit about wine and food and art
> and cars, and am fairly well-traveled for a woman my age
Wow. You're lucky I'm high-maintenance, too.
> i can talk about anything, am a dreamer, a romantic, and a deep thinker
> have a wild side
I find that hard to believe. Quick, tell me something fascinating
about emus, Fibonacci numbers, and Lorenzo de Medici.
> i grew up in jersey and love the shore
Stop the presses. How bad is your accent?
> i speak french and a little italian
Damn. I was hoping you'd speak a little English.
> have class and style
Of course you do.
> i've generally dated men at least a few years older than i . . . at 26, you
> may be too young for me, but hey, you never know . . . every once in a while
> i suppose there could be a 26-yr-old guy who's mature, confident, witty,
> interesting, a good conversationalist, and who knows his way around a
> woman's body .
HA! Save that crap for someone you're not already thinking about
having sex with!
. .
> here's a pic
Okay, next I want a picture of you at the zoo....harassing the monkeys.
> your turn,
No, your turn.
> C
J
hey there,
so, i saw your post. nice and to the point. i like that. i have a warm
heart and am one of the most loyal friends you'd ever find, but i'm often
brutally honest. some people can't handle the truth and others just don't
like it. i don't like to sugar-coat things. i've dated guys who've treated
me well and others who haven't. i've had that 'everything you want but not
everything you need relationship.' i've had great sex and mediocre sex and
i've met guys who are truly unique. i like sarcasm and witty banter, but i
have a hard time finding guys who can keep up. so what is it that makes
you so confident that you're worth everyone's time? you sort of imply that
you don't intend to end up as anyone's wealthy husband . . . is that because
you're averse to becoming wealthy, or just married? ;-)
a little about me...
i am 25, white, single, never married
well educated, refined, intellectually astute
passionate and warm with a sarcastic sense of humor
work hard and like to play too
former investment banker . . . now a law student
played soccer in college
confident and sexy
i know what i want and how to express myself
i like the finer things in life -- i know a bit about wine and food and art
and cars, and am fairly well-traveled for a woman my age
i can talk about anything, am a dreamer, a romantic, and a deep thinker
have a wild side
i grew up in jersey and love the shore
i speak french and a little italian
have class and style
i've generally dated men at least a few years older than i . . . at 26, you
may be too young for me, but hey, you never know . . . every once in a while
i suppose there could be a 26-yr-old guy who's mature, confident, witty,
interesting, a good conversationalist, and who knows his way around a
woman's body . . .
here's a pic
your turn,
C
And my response:
Ah, a very serious email. Let's break it apart, shall we?
> hey there,
Well, hello there yourself. I didn't actually read this far into the
email until I saw your picture. I expect you'll do the same.
> so, i saw your post. nice and to the point. i like that. i have a warm
Of course you do!
> heart and am one of the most loyal friends you'd ever find, but i'm often
> brutally honest. some people CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH and others just don't
> like it. i don't like to sugar-coat things. i've dated guys who've treated
That was a great Jack Nicholson impression...I like how you just
worked that in like you hadn't planned it from the beginning.
> me well and others who haven't. i've had that 'everything you want but not
> everything you need relationship.' i've had great sex and mediocre sex and
I'm more about 'everything you need and want but never knew'
situations. They make waking up in the morning more interesting, and
that's what I'm all about. And, look at you, already thinking about
sex with me. You girls are all the same...
> i've met guys who are truly unique. i like sarcasm and witty banter, but i
> have a hard time finding guys who can keep up. so what is it that makes
> you so confident that you're worth everyone's time? you sort of imply that
Yes, I am worth everyone's time. Damn problem is that not everyone is
worth mine. Are you?
> you don't intend to end up as anyone's wealthy husband . . . is that because
> you're averse to becoming wealthy, or just married? ;-)
Are you asking me to choose between greed and commitment-phobia?
Why...I just couldn't choose.
> a little about me...
Ah, the obligatory Powerpoint bulleted resume...should I succumb to
convention, too?
> i am 25, white, single, never married
I'm 26, white, never married
> well educated, refined, intellectually astute
I learned everything I need to know from psychic friends and DVD FBI warnings
> passionate and warm with a sarcastic sense of humor
Passionate=horny. That's two times you've thought about sex this
email...and I don't even know if I like you yet...
> work hard and like to play too
What do you play? Twister? Street dice? Oh...is this another nookie reference?
> former investment banker . . . now a law student
Well, I'm sure your taxes are very correct. ;)
> played soccer in college
I played dodgeball in middle school.
> confident and sexy
I am so sexy that I will literally bring a stick to fend you off the
first time we meet.
> i know what i want and how to express myself
I know, I know....world peace.
> i like the finer things in life -- i know a bit about wine and food and art
> and cars, and am fairly well-traveled for a woman my age
Wow. You're lucky I'm high-maintenance, too.
> i can talk about anything, am a dreamer, a romantic, and a deep thinker
> have a wild side
I find that hard to believe. Quick, tell me something fascinating
about emus, Fibonacci numbers, and Lorenzo de Medici.
> i grew up in jersey and love the shore
Stop the presses. How bad is your accent?
> i speak french and a little italian
Damn. I was hoping you'd speak a little English.
> have class and style
Of course you do.
> i've generally dated men at least a few years older than i . . . at 26, you
> may be too young for me, but hey, you never know . . . every once in a while
> i suppose there could be a 26-yr-old guy who's mature, confident, witty,
> interesting, a good conversationalist, and who knows his way around a
> woman's body .
HA! Save that crap for someone you're not already thinking about
having sex with!
. .
> here's a pic
Okay, next I want a picture of you at the zoo....harassing the monkeys.
> your turn,
No, your turn.
> C
J