well...

Jan 12, 2005 22:12

today is January 12 2005.. the date says enough about my mood... thsi week has been horrible, ever since monday its been there, you know its coming, and then its hits you that this is reality, there is no waking up... ive learned more in these past two months than ill ever learn in a lifetime.. its overwhellming... things that seemed so important dont matter anymore... everything that use to be important is stupid.. too many people dont know that.. i dont like it.. know what really made me so incredibly undescribably angry, was the fact that less than a month after Allie passed away they had taken down every single article of hers on the newsboard and pt up ones about basketball!!! it was the stupidest thing ever... how can someone do that... how can they say "well we figure that its too painfull to have to walk by that everyday" well you know whats more heart wrenching is the fact that thy're gone, and replaced with stupid things, she was so much more important... it makes me angry.. im not done remebering, and i never will be... its wrong, plain wrong... there are some things that should never be done, that action was thoughtless, they had no right... ive eaten next to nothing this whole week... everytime i see food i want to throw up... i donthtink im sick, just stressed out.. im so behind in school.. finals.. really REALLY behind in leddy center stuff... sososo much lines to memorize... i bring it all upon my self though so i will finish it and do my best... thats the only thing i can do, my best.... well thats all i got....

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And covered with a perfect shell
Such a charming, beautiful exterior
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect posture, but you're barely scraping by
But you're barely scraping by

This is one time, this is one time
That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone
Or anyone at all...or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you've built to flee
The places that you've come to fear the most
It's the place that you have come to fear the most

~ Nikki
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