(no subject)
I am so incredibly fucking happy that Christmas is over. Now if everyone would just take down their fucking lights and bullshit I could start to pretend the holiday didn't even happen.
I was at work today and I got up to go scan some shit in the copy room and I took my headphones off and looked around and everyone but me was in the conference room. Not a good fucking feeling. The room is all glass. I instantly fucking felt in my guts that it was the meeting before my termination about how they would redistribute my duties. I wanted to flash them, give them the finger, flip over a file drawer and pick up my purse and sunglasses, put them on and walk out. I looked over and Jeff from Insuramerica was standing there so I told him to look and he said just chill and wait calmly, hopefully it was nothing. After the meeting Renee and Emily, the two people I actually consider friends at that hell hole were like let's go to lunch.
Turns out they had intended to move me to a position supporting our SC and PVB producers which would require a lot of face to face client inteaction and I would be flying back and forth between Jacksonville and Charleston weekly. They now however feel that my professional demeanor has vanished with the new hole I punched in my face. Part of me wanted to pout but I just shrugged and said fuck it. If I took it, it would just lead me to another very unhappy dead end road that I would just sit at the end of miserably for a few years until I figured out what the fuck I would do with myself and I would just be even more miserable because I would be older too by then.
I have to wait until both my taxes and my parents taxes are filed next month and then I can file for financial aid and when the results come back from that, which I could be approved because I took such a HUGE fucking paycut this year, then I can proceed with my school financing. I should be starting MUD in Manhattan either April 15th or May 1st. I hope to move up at least two weeks before my classes. Renee and I are going up in February so I can meet a few of her friends with job and living connections.
It is fucking stressful. I will be in LA for 6 weeks at the end of the year and I have never been in snow so I am scared about going back to NYC after the LA classes and Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh! I just want to scream. I don't know whether I should take all of my furniture and shit or just fuck it and go up there with an air mattress and put my shit in storage until I figure out whether I can even handle New York or not. I am giddy and excited and also at my wits end. I have to change banks back over too, that reminds me. I am feeling psychotic so I have to put all of my thoughts down even the totally irrelevent ones. Time to collect, I mean my fucking thoughts mainly.And common sense I was told I didn't have any but that person can kiss my ass.
Hm, I am actually kind of stoked that I might really be about to do something with my life thats kind of out there but really what I want to do. I am kind of like pursuiting a fucking daydream, fuck all you realist. Go me.
I was at work today and I got up to go scan some shit in the copy room and I took my headphones off and looked around and everyone but me was in the conference room. Not a good fucking feeling. The room is all glass. I instantly fucking felt in my guts that it was the meeting before my termination about how they would redistribute my duties. I wanted to flash them, give them the finger, flip over a file drawer and pick up my purse and sunglasses, put them on and walk out. I looked over and Jeff from Insuramerica was standing there so I told him to look and he said just chill and wait calmly, hopefully it was nothing. After the meeting Renee and Emily, the two people I actually consider friends at that hell hole were like let's go to lunch.
Turns out they had intended to move me to a position supporting our SC and PVB producers which would require a lot of face to face client inteaction and I would be flying back and forth between Jacksonville and Charleston weekly. They now however feel that my professional demeanor has vanished with the new hole I punched in my face. Part of me wanted to pout but I just shrugged and said fuck it. If I took it, it would just lead me to another very unhappy dead end road that I would just sit at the end of miserably for a few years until I figured out what the fuck I would do with myself and I would just be even more miserable because I would be older too by then.
I have to wait until both my taxes and my parents taxes are filed next month and then I can file for financial aid and when the results come back from that, which I could be approved because I took such a HUGE fucking paycut this year, then I can proceed with my school financing. I should be starting MUD in Manhattan either April 15th or May 1st. I hope to move up at least two weeks before my classes. Renee and I are going up in February so I can meet a few of her friends with job and living connections.
It is fucking stressful. I will be in LA for 6 weeks at the end of the year and I have never been in snow so I am scared about going back to NYC after the LA classes and Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh! I just want to scream. I don't know whether I should take all of my furniture and shit or just fuck it and go up there with an air mattress and put my shit in storage until I figure out whether I can even handle New York or not. I am giddy and excited and also at my wits end. I have to change banks back over too, that reminds me. I am feeling psychotic so I have to put all of my thoughts down even the totally irrelevent ones. Time to collect, I mean my fucking thoughts mainly.And common sense I was told I didn't have any but that person can kiss my ass.
Hm, I am actually kind of stoked that I might really be about to do something with my life thats kind of out there but really what I want to do. I am kind of like pursuiting a fucking daydream, fuck all you realist. Go me.