Build
Generally been doing okay lately. A day or two I've had a small thing here and there get to me but I'm mostly still on the up and up. I'm nowhere near where I want to be but very small incremental change for the better helps. Being this way isn't natural yet but it's getting there. I have to remind myself to not snap, bitch, moan, or whine. Nothing is so terrible to warrant putting additional and needless stress on myself.
What's really cool is the stuff I notice going on around me as if I am starting to give off a different aura or something. People I have class with or have had class with in the past stop me to chat and say hello when previous to all this self-imposed change I was simply ignored and invisible. "Is it the shoes?!"
I feel more natural at school. Work, however, is an acting performance. It helps, yes, but I feel so damn fake around people there. To help curb this, I've started to let up on being so anal about bedtime before work. If I want to go out the night before to have fun and drink then I do. I don't use work as a crutch anymore and I think my social life wants to thank me for that. So I end dragging myself to work sleepy and hung over but it really helps cut down on my hard edge I used to keep because I am now too tired and hungover to care. I end catching up on the sleep when I get home but sometimes I don't need it.
Speaking of drinks. I want to lose my one track mind to making art. I have decided to pick a night to get trashed and go out there and just paint away. It's kind of like the rockstar approach to music. I want to see what happens when I don't think and I don't have a plan. Should be fun.
Paige and I are back to hanging out on a regular basis it seems. I tend not to think about the past regarding our situation so focusing on the now seems to help maintain a more upbeat friendship. Of course I can't read her mind but I guess that the frequent invites back are positives to acknowledge. We play some cards and watch some TV, occasionally drink if she's nice enough to let me stay over (helps that she is about 10 minutes from my workplace). I'll be honest, I've been trying to avoid writing in detail about this aspect of my life but since it seems stable enough now that I think it warrants a mention. Plus, I think she wanted me to write a little something so here it is. I'll find out how this goes and if it seems safe I'll write a little more. Yes, this is the first situation in my life I have been extremely timid to blog about. Shame. I used to be much more open and to the point.
I've lost a step in my approach to getting school work done. I do get it done but now I procrastinate like a high schooler about it instead of knocking assignments out as soon as I can. I don't think this is harming grades yet but I do start to get a little more stressed as I let each lazy day slip on by. Six weeks left, need to stay on target.
Baseball practice appears to be rained out again on Sunday. I'm hoping to get a workout of my own in so I can breeze right into my summer routine of getting in shape. Preseason starts in April so I look forward to see what team I land with.
I told myself I wanted to write a little more deeper in thought but since it has been so long it's probably best to lay the current situations down in a broad stroke before I dive right into the details. Writing is writing, every little bit helps clear my mind.
What's really cool is the stuff I notice going on around me as if I am starting to give off a different aura or something. People I have class with or have had class with in the past stop me to chat and say hello when previous to all this self-imposed change I was simply ignored and invisible. "Is it the shoes?!"
I feel more natural at school. Work, however, is an acting performance. It helps, yes, but I feel so damn fake around people there. To help curb this, I've started to let up on being so anal about bedtime before work. If I want to go out the night before to have fun and drink then I do. I don't use work as a crutch anymore and I think my social life wants to thank me for that. So I end dragging myself to work sleepy and hung over but it really helps cut down on my hard edge I used to keep because I am now too tired and hungover to care. I end catching up on the sleep when I get home but sometimes I don't need it.
Speaking of drinks. I want to lose my one track mind to making art. I have decided to pick a night to get trashed and go out there and just paint away. It's kind of like the rockstar approach to music. I want to see what happens when I don't think and I don't have a plan. Should be fun.
Paige and I are back to hanging out on a regular basis it seems. I tend not to think about the past regarding our situation so focusing on the now seems to help maintain a more upbeat friendship. Of course I can't read her mind but I guess that the frequent invites back are positives to acknowledge. We play some cards and watch some TV, occasionally drink if she's nice enough to let me stay over (helps that she is about 10 minutes from my workplace). I'll be honest, I've been trying to avoid writing in detail about this aspect of my life but since it seems stable enough now that I think it warrants a mention. Plus, I think she wanted me to write a little something so here it is. I'll find out how this goes and if it seems safe I'll write a little more. Yes, this is the first situation in my life I have been extremely timid to blog about. Shame. I used to be much more open and to the point.
I've lost a step in my approach to getting school work done. I do get it done but now I procrastinate like a high schooler about it instead of knocking assignments out as soon as I can. I don't think this is harming grades yet but I do start to get a little more stressed as I let each lazy day slip on by. Six weeks left, need to stay on target.
Baseball practice appears to be rained out again on Sunday. I'm hoping to get a workout of my own in so I can breeze right into my summer routine of getting in shape. Preseason starts in April so I look forward to see what team I land with.
I told myself I wanted to write a little more deeper in thought but since it has been so long it's probably best to lay the current situations down in a broad stroke before I dive right into the details. Writing is writing, every little bit helps clear my mind.