Significant Things from the Past Few Days
Angelica has been causing us all a great deal of anxiety this year, general growing up teenager to young woman issues, boys, oh yes - boys! its been a complete roller coaster to say the least over the past eight months. Finally now though, and hopefully it is finally for a good while at least, she's met someone very special who has more than proven himself to be worthy of the title "Angelica's Boyfriend" this week.
Credit where its due, he's stood his ground, not been invasive, is so sweetly shy and adorable because his obvious swelling up emotions for this new person in his life are turning his world completely upside down and he hasn't known how to handle it all, in short things have been progressing in a completely natural romantic way on a parr with the greatest of romance novels or movie scripts.
It was inevitable then that the day would come where both of them would start behaving very stupidly like little naughty children in order for the pent up trying-to-be-mature-and-grown-up-with-a-relationship feelings had sunken in for them, this day was Sunday, yes three days ago. I of course not being like other parents would not let the matter drop and grilled them both finally grounding them in equal measures until I was satisfied they both understood that what they did was wrong, why it was wrong and giving them an opportunity to put it all right then with an extra day apart on top so they feel the magnitude of their negative actions.
Last night Euan more than proved himself to me worthy of being in Angelica's life, I tackled him after letting him stew for a couple of days to make sure Angelica's head was on the right way again first. All year I have been saying to my daughter that when she meets the right one she'll know, she should not force things or just be with someone because that is what everyone else is doing, nor because she thinks she looks like she does not fit in, she should not force herself to be like the other school kids of a similar age because they are different to her in that she has never been to school. I spoke of that lightening bolt that flies out of the sky from no where and smashes you straight through the heart, those feelings where the feeling is so huge so warm so intense that your world is completely smashed but feels absolutely amazing like you are living on soft fluffy clouds sprinkled with the finest of glitter sparkles, like everything looks and feels amazing for the first time ever.
Well, she of course would not believe that this would ever happen to her, we've argued because I have seen her with boys and no spark what so ever was present like they were both just sitting together giggling because they thought they would look stupid if they didn't to all the other kids. This made me very angry because Angelica was placing herself in difficult situations which to me felt like dangerous situations as she did not understand the concept that some people might not believe her when she says no to going that little step beyond kissing.
Finally though its happened, both of them are so smashingly in love, infatuation, romantically connected, call it what you will but cupid has definitely struck his bow and arrow which even I felt last night when I caved and said that they were not allowed to talk online still but that Angelica could call Euan instead. He and I got talking first because I wanted to make absolutely certain that he wasn't just playing games and that he would value my daughter more than life itself if I allowed him to be with her and have her in his life. Well I mentioned to him that she had told me about when they were in HMV last week whilst out shopping with his sister and her boyfriend, Van Morrison's Brown-Eye'd Girl was playing on the speakers and Angelica told Euan how I used to play the guitar and sing that song to her all the time when she was tiny and growing up because of her big brown eyes so its sort of like a theme tune of hers. If ever she was down hearted or sad, ill or just in need of something the song would come out I'd either play the chords and sing it to her myself or play a recording of which I have many different versions. Well after telling him that Angelica had told me she told him that story because upon walking into HMV and hearing it he'd said "OMG you've got huge gorgeous brown eyes this must be your song" he said to me last night "indeed, I've been so sad since not being able to speak with her at all since Sunday I've had the song playing on repeat in my room when I've been in as it just reminds me of her so much, I'm so sorry for what we did nothing like this will ever happen again you have my absolute word I just want to make her happy and both of us learn at the same time as I've never had a girlfriend before either and just want this to work, Angelica is so amazing I never believed my Dad when he told me what it would feel like when I met the right one and then suddenly on the DofE hike a couple of weeks ago in October it just started to happen that I started to get all these amazing feelings of emotions then even when I was not with her any more the feelings all just grew".
How can you not be touched by that ? I know I was, my heart felt like an arrow went straight through it instantly and I felt like such a complete cow for keeping them apart like that but at least now having done that I can see this is going to be extra special for my beautiful daughter and everything I have ever wanted for her as she transforms into a young lady in this world. I do not feel like I have to worry about her so much now, this will develop at a nice natural pace for them both, they are now completely with me on the understanding that they do not have to try and rush into sex or anything just because they think that is what everyone else is doing they must let things just happen naturally and enjoy growing together.
Phew! that is one thing of an epic nature less for me to worry about.
Christmas is the next thing, not dont a single bit of preparation yet which is most unlike me. What's wrong with me? I just can not get my head into gear for anything to happen yet. Its going to be all last minute the week before Christmas I think, it will be special just rushed.
Have had to go up another level of weights during my exercise routine from yesterday, the 1.1kg ones were starting to feel like they weighed nothing. I remember in the beginning back at the start of September how the 500g weights were too heavy for me to lift upwards at all, now I've gone up to 2.3kg on each wrist or holding in my hands. Feels great to be able to do this routine, I'm addicted to exercise which is a far cry from being addicted to smoking. I'm on day 19 already since not lighting one, feeling very proud as its been so hard for me not taking the champix tablets and just going cold turkey. My husband has not had any issues with that side of things because the tablets seem to be working for him with no cravings or pangs to start again. For me though I have felt like my head is being twisted, guts ripped out, just general bloating and fatigue but unable to sleep a wink because next week I have my long pre-op hospital appointment. I can not wait for Friday to come and go because at the end of it I'll have a date for surgery.
I want to be a thin person with long white hair so badly, I've always thought it a sin to be vein but of late this has become such an issue for me as I've had self loathing issues my whole adult life and now for the first time ever can see an end in sight to these horrible feelings of ugliness.
Having surgery to fix all the trapped nerves and nerve damage along with a gastric bypass to ensure I never have to go back into hospital to have the metal plate adjusted each time my weight fluctuates, plus the new healthier lifestyle I've adapted into this year well I can see nice bright things in my future for the first time in my entire adult life. The kids are all growing nicely, boys at university, Joseph looking forward to moving out around Easter time, Lionel already settled in his own place with friends, Angelica now with her new understanding that she's with someone just like her who is beautiful and intelligent most unlike all the other school kids and not afraid of being the smart kid, Imogen and Ivan with their air scouts, parades and badge awards, little Harvey reading and writing coming along just amazingly fast, Ivan with his new inventions, Imogen with all her beauty and grace, its all coming together nicely for once.
I still need to find some money to pay the gas bill which is now massively overdue and stop worrying so much about the little things just focus on my pending appointments next week. I am scared nervous and anxious with all the 'what ifs" creeping in to my head several times a day which without smoking to push them a way is quite a challenge when they appear. I am getting through it all though, its helping having people to talk with about these thoughts and feelings online without those out there who've given up their time to chat with me about the surgery I do not know how I would have gotten through it all this week with the extra or added stress from normal daily family life.
Credit where its due, he's stood his ground, not been invasive, is so sweetly shy and adorable because his obvious swelling up emotions for this new person in his life are turning his world completely upside down and he hasn't known how to handle it all, in short things have been progressing in a completely natural romantic way on a parr with the greatest of romance novels or movie scripts.
It was inevitable then that the day would come where both of them would start behaving very stupidly like little naughty children in order for the pent up trying-to-be-mature-and-grown-up-with-a-relationship feelings had sunken in for them, this day was Sunday, yes three days ago. I of course not being like other parents would not let the matter drop and grilled them both finally grounding them in equal measures until I was satisfied they both understood that what they did was wrong, why it was wrong and giving them an opportunity to put it all right then with an extra day apart on top so they feel the magnitude of their negative actions.
Last night Euan more than proved himself to me worthy of being in Angelica's life, I tackled him after letting him stew for a couple of days to make sure Angelica's head was on the right way again first. All year I have been saying to my daughter that when she meets the right one she'll know, she should not force things or just be with someone because that is what everyone else is doing, nor because she thinks she looks like she does not fit in, she should not force herself to be like the other school kids of a similar age because they are different to her in that she has never been to school. I spoke of that lightening bolt that flies out of the sky from no where and smashes you straight through the heart, those feelings where the feeling is so huge so warm so intense that your world is completely smashed but feels absolutely amazing like you are living on soft fluffy clouds sprinkled with the finest of glitter sparkles, like everything looks and feels amazing for the first time ever.
Well, she of course would not believe that this would ever happen to her, we've argued because I have seen her with boys and no spark what so ever was present like they were both just sitting together giggling because they thought they would look stupid if they didn't to all the other kids. This made me very angry because Angelica was placing herself in difficult situations which to me felt like dangerous situations as she did not understand the concept that some people might not believe her when she says no to going that little step beyond kissing.
Finally though its happened, both of them are so smashingly in love, infatuation, romantically connected, call it what you will but cupid has definitely struck his bow and arrow which even I felt last night when I caved and said that they were not allowed to talk online still but that Angelica could call Euan instead. He and I got talking first because I wanted to make absolutely certain that he wasn't just playing games and that he would value my daughter more than life itself if I allowed him to be with her and have her in his life. Well I mentioned to him that she had told me about when they were in HMV last week whilst out shopping with his sister and her boyfriend, Van Morrison's Brown-Eye'd Girl was playing on the speakers and Angelica told Euan how I used to play the guitar and sing that song to her all the time when she was tiny and growing up because of her big brown eyes so its sort of like a theme tune of hers. If ever she was down hearted or sad, ill or just in need of something the song would come out I'd either play the chords and sing it to her myself or play a recording of which I have many different versions. Well after telling him that Angelica had told me she told him that story because upon walking into HMV and hearing it he'd said "OMG you've got huge gorgeous brown eyes this must be your song" he said to me last night "indeed, I've been so sad since not being able to speak with her at all since Sunday I've had the song playing on repeat in my room when I've been in as it just reminds me of her so much, I'm so sorry for what we did nothing like this will ever happen again you have my absolute word I just want to make her happy and both of us learn at the same time as I've never had a girlfriend before either and just want this to work, Angelica is so amazing I never believed my Dad when he told me what it would feel like when I met the right one and then suddenly on the DofE hike a couple of weeks ago in October it just started to happen that I started to get all these amazing feelings of emotions then even when I was not with her any more the feelings all just grew".
How can you not be touched by that ? I know I was, my heart felt like an arrow went straight through it instantly and I felt like such a complete cow for keeping them apart like that but at least now having done that I can see this is going to be extra special for my beautiful daughter and everything I have ever wanted for her as she transforms into a young lady in this world. I do not feel like I have to worry about her so much now, this will develop at a nice natural pace for them both, they are now completely with me on the understanding that they do not have to try and rush into sex or anything just because they think that is what everyone else is doing they must let things just happen naturally and enjoy growing together.
Phew! that is one thing of an epic nature less for me to worry about.
Christmas is the next thing, not dont a single bit of preparation yet which is most unlike me. What's wrong with me? I just can not get my head into gear for anything to happen yet. Its going to be all last minute the week before Christmas I think, it will be special just rushed.
Have had to go up another level of weights during my exercise routine from yesterday, the 1.1kg ones were starting to feel like they weighed nothing. I remember in the beginning back at the start of September how the 500g weights were too heavy for me to lift upwards at all, now I've gone up to 2.3kg on each wrist or holding in my hands. Feels great to be able to do this routine, I'm addicted to exercise which is a far cry from being addicted to smoking. I'm on day 19 already since not lighting one, feeling very proud as its been so hard for me not taking the champix tablets and just going cold turkey. My husband has not had any issues with that side of things because the tablets seem to be working for him with no cravings or pangs to start again. For me though I have felt like my head is being twisted, guts ripped out, just general bloating and fatigue but unable to sleep a wink because next week I have my long pre-op hospital appointment. I can not wait for Friday to come and go because at the end of it I'll have a date for surgery.
I want to be a thin person with long white hair so badly, I've always thought it a sin to be vein but of late this has become such an issue for me as I've had self loathing issues my whole adult life and now for the first time ever can see an end in sight to these horrible feelings of ugliness.
Having surgery to fix all the trapped nerves and nerve damage along with a gastric bypass to ensure I never have to go back into hospital to have the metal plate adjusted each time my weight fluctuates, plus the new healthier lifestyle I've adapted into this year well I can see nice bright things in my future for the first time in my entire adult life. The kids are all growing nicely, boys at university, Joseph looking forward to moving out around Easter time, Lionel already settled in his own place with friends, Angelica now with her new understanding that she's with someone just like her who is beautiful and intelligent most unlike all the other school kids and not afraid of being the smart kid, Imogen and Ivan with their air scouts, parades and badge awards, little Harvey reading and writing coming along just amazingly fast, Ivan with his new inventions, Imogen with all her beauty and grace, its all coming together nicely for once.
I still need to find some money to pay the gas bill which is now massively overdue and stop worrying so much about the little things just focus on my pending appointments next week. I am scared nervous and anxious with all the 'what ifs" creeping in to my head several times a day which without smoking to push them a way is quite a challenge when they appear. I am getting through it all though, its helping having people to talk with about these thoughts and feelings online without those out there who've given up their time to chat with me about the surgery I do not know how I would have gotten through it all this week with the extra or added stress from normal daily family life.