This week and diet stuff
This week if I were to sum it up in one word would have to be described as so far "tremendous". Why? a number of reasons, its now day seven of the Orlistat / Xenical diet and already my skin is all loosening, my body feels different, sleep patterns are becoming more even than they have in over five years, I've needed far less pain relief now that my bowels are moving regularly and I just feel different. The kids have been doing crash courses in learning how to read fat grams on packaging, we've had two highly successful late night shopping trips in the car to Tesco for the three of them, angelica, Imogen and Ivan to go do some shopping having planned the three meals for the following day themselves, writing and adding up all the nutritional value of the ingredients for each meal and then going to buy them, making conscious decisions on whether to go for the cheapest or low fat healthy option or whether to look at other brands to see which ones come up best, its been an amazing journey with them and one which I am enjoying a great deal. Even Ivan the other day, he wanted so badly to try something out for himself so we went online looked up some things, he is still struggling a fair bit with some reading so this was a mega event for him to do, he researched and then came up with a short list costing under five pounds, we wrote it all out and I added some hand cream to the bottom and showed him the shop sign for Superdrug so he'd know which shop I'd given him the exact money for, then off he ran up the high street change swinging about in his glove, came home in a very short space of time I think like six minutes or so with his little teddy bear ruck sack filled with the goodies he'd brought and a giant smile, I mean beaming ear to ear giant grin it was so good to see, then one by one he showed me his wares telling me where he'd bought the item from and why, got right to the end and he presented me with my new hand cream which was the exact one I'd written the name out for. He was so brimming over with pride and excitement he dived on me squeezing really hard round my head and neck, stayed like that for what seemed like several minutes I think it was about four, then sat on my lap saying that he knew he could do it all by himself still grinning. I felt so completely proud I quickly had to make an excuse that I had something in my eye when I could no longer stop a few tears from spilling out onto my cheek to which Ivan ran off to get me some tissues before going and having a carpet picnic with his little brother Harvey who got an amazing surprise when Ivan told him he went out especially to buy some goodies for the two of them to share as a picnic. There were giggles, loads of laughing, talking with mouths filled with junk food, it was a very special time and I loved every single moment of listening to the two of them having made a camp site under the table with picnic and were hiding underneath just enjoying each other's company and sharing the food Ivan bought and prepared for them.
It made me remember the boys Joseph and Lionel when they were little and the things they used to do together, they had been virtually inseparable until about summer 2009 when Lionel started seeing girls instead. Now its like they are not brothers at all, I had to remind Lionel each day to pop along the corridor of a hallway to see Joe as it was getting late and I knew the two them had not spoken all day long. It made me have a pang of sadness at how things have changed especially with Lionel acting the way he does at the moment, he's ok sometimes but others he's just like a stranger to all of us. Still, he's remained on his course, has a roof over his head, girlfriend who'd do anything for him and good friends so he's not doing too badly I suppose, I dont say anything to him any more, he's going to be 21 years old in April, no I just enjoy what little bits of him he lets me share, I have so much more going on right now I dont even have the energy to talk about it really.
So back to fat grams, each meal I've managed to do far better than the recommended up to 15g, 45g per day and been sticking to between 19 and 21g per day all week until today which was only 8.9g because in between using the toilet I kept falling asleep for three to four hours all day hence why I am awake now at 05:06 in the morning.
Joseph getting an unconditional offer of a place at the university makes me feel very excited, I'm so happy for him. Keep everything crossed, I sent off for a loan to buy his computer equipment on Thursday last week knowing he was getting in even though the offer didnt come until yesterday officially, he's going to pay me back with his first lot of student finance in September which I'll use to finish the loan early. I dont do loans or credit of any kind but with MHE being so slow, we've only made four sales since Christmas, I guess the market for pretty painted fibre is getting a bit saturated with new independent dyers coming along each month we are getting pushed out now, plus I havent done ebay in ages with no energy to sit and list things, there is no extra money coming in from which to save beyond paying for the absolute essentials so I felt that as Joseph will take a while to get used to the new software and equipment, I wanted him to have it as early as possible so that he can be fluent at using it by the time his degree course starts, all the visually challenged features for blind people especially, that way he can start his course without having to worry about the equipment and will know how to use it all properly beforehand. So loan it had to be, just waiting to hear if I can have it now, gosh I hope so.
So all week its been spending time with my beautiful babies, planning stuff, doing loads of their school type projects to get the official ones out of the way at the start of the year like we always do, lots of reading with Ivan, in between sleeping, using the toilet and resting, all I've been able to do myself is sketch in my moleskine bits of facial features, the eyes mainly, so wanted to get those looking more realistic so portraits is what I've focused on and as I can do them from in bed its worked out well.
Also been trying to sketch brief outlines of a garden design as round easter time we are going to start fixing it all up outside the back. At the moment its just baron, not even weeds grow in the main part of the garden only the very edge where it touches next door's garden with the fence on top of the boundary line. Its not going to be difficult starting from scratch, quite the opposite in fact as I dont have any pre existing features like trees or anything to write into the plan and have a blank canvas from which to start forming the picture of what it should all look like. Cant wait to get started on it all out there, be nice to have some proper plants again and flowers to look at and enjoy.
The kids will be at the Midnight Ice Skating event this Friday, swimming first in the evening for Angelica, Imogen and Ivan will be making pancakes on camping stoves at the scout hut whilst the explorers are swimming then the whole troop goes ice skating together before having a sleep over and breakfast together in the morning. We'll miss them but cant wait to see all the photographs and hear all about tis giant adventure on Saturday.
I've made an appointment with the nurse for Friday mid morning to check I've been doing everything right with the orlistat tablets, I'll print out the charts I've been adding to every time I've eaten something so hopefully she'll be able to point me in the right direction if not. Dreading being weighed, why? I dont understand why that is making me feel nervous about going because I want to know if I have lost anything or put anything on, at times this week I've questioned the amount of food I've actually consumed because I have felt so full more so than usual weeks, but I know that the fat content is less than a third that of usual so its all going to be good for me no matter what right? nerves again. I need to stop doing this and just let it all happen.
I carefully did lots of planning, research and deciding before embarking on this challenge of loosing all the "mummy" weight once and for all gained over the last twenty years growing a large family, breastfeeding and generally waiting to be a mum again, now that is all finished the "mummy' weight can sod off I dont need it any more, I want to be able to go shopping with my daughters and know I can walk in to most shops and find something that will fit me, I want us to be arguing over who's turn it is to wear that top or jeans, regular stuff enjoyed by others but only dreamed about by us so lets ow make it a reality. Here we are, that is what is happening, I am doing this one way or another if it kills me I am going to finish the rest of the year sorting out my ridiculous body, nerve damage, broken back bone, internally the pinching nerves around the metal, all these things can be achieved I just need to stay focused and not get sidelined. Its difficult, I've not been online much since Saturday because sometimes reading things or other people's stories can be a bad thing, I just need to stay focused on my own so that is what I'm doing.
Feel dead proud of myself though, there was a rare moment earlier today when my husband walked past me, stopped, smiling he said "you look so happy glowing and pretty sitting there miles away like that" it made me smile as I am feeling really good about all of this and yes, its making me smile too.
It made me remember the boys Joseph and Lionel when they were little and the things they used to do together, they had been virtually inseparable until about summer 2009 when Lionel started seeing girls instead. Now its like they are not brothers at all, I had to remind Lionel each day to pop along the corridor of a hallway to see Joe as it was getting late and I knew the two them had not spoken all day long. It made me have a pang of sadness at how things have changed especially with Lionel acting the way he does at the moment, he's ok sometimes but others he's just like a stranger to all of us. Still, he's remained on his course, has a roof over his head, girlfriend who'd do anything for him and good friends so he's not doing too badly I suppose, I dont say anything to him any more, he's going to be 21 years old in April, no I just enjoy what little bits of him he lets me share, I have so much more going on right now I dont even have the energy to talk about it really.
So back to fat grams, each meal I've managed to do far better than the recommended up to 15g, 45g per day and been sticking to between 19 and 21g per day all week until today which was only 8.9g because in between using the toilet I kept falling asleep for three to four hours all day hence why I am awake now at 05:06 in the morning.
Joseph getting an unconditional offer of a place at the university makes me feel very excited, I'm so happy for him. Keep everything crossed, I sent off for a loan to buy his computer equipment on Thursday last week knowing he was getting in even though the offer didnt come until yesterday officially, he's going to pay me back with his first lot of student finance in September which I'll use to finish the loan early. I dont do loans or credit of any kind but with MHE being so slow, we've only made four sales since Christmas, I guess the market for pretty painted fibre is getting a bit saturated with new independent dyers coming along each month we are getting pushed out now, plus I havent done ebay in ages with no energy to sit and list things, there is no extra money coming in from which to save beyond paying for the absolute essentials so I felt that as Joseph will take a while to get used to the new software and equipment, I wanted him to have it as early as possible so that he can be fluent at using it by the time his degree course starts, all the visually challenged features for blind people especially, that way he can start his course without having to worry about the equipment and will know how to use it all properly beforehand. So loan it had to be, just waiting to hear if I can have it now, gosh I hope so.
So all week its been spending time with my beautiful babies, planning stuff, doing loads of their school type projects to get the official ones out of the way at the start of the year like we always do, lots of reading with Ivan, in between sleeping, using the toilet and resting, all I've been able to do myself is sketch in my moleskine bits of facial features, the eyes mainly, so wanted to get those looking more realistic so portraits is what I've focused on and as I can do them from in bed its worked out well.
Also been trying to sketch brief outlines of a garden design as round easter time we are going to start fixing it all up outside the back. At the moment its just baron, not even weeds grow in the main part of the garden only the very edge where it touches next door's garden with the fence on top of the boundary line. Its not going to be difficult starting from scratch, quite the opposite in fact as I dont have any pre existing features like trees or anything to write into the plan and have a blank canvas from which to start forming the picture of what it should all look like. Cant wait to get started on it all out there, be nice to have some proper plants again and flowers to look at and enjoy.
The kids will be at the Midnight Ice Skating event this Friday, swimming first in the evening for Angelica, Imogen and Ivan will be making pancakes on camping stoves at the scout hut whilst the explorers are swimming then the whole troop goes ice skating together before having a sleep over and breakfast together in the morning. We'll miss them but cant wait to see all the photographs and hear all about tis giant adventure on Saturday.
I've made an appointment with the nurse for Friday mid morning to check I've been doing everything right with the orlistat tablets, I'll print out the charts I've been adding to every time I've eaten something so hopefully she'll be able to point me in the right direction if not. Dreading being weighed, why? I dont understand why that is making me feel nervous about going because I want to know if I have lost anything or put anything on, at times this week I've questioned the amount of food I've actually consumed because I have felt so full more so than usual weeks, but I know that the fat content is less than a third that of usual so its all going to be good for me no matter what right? nerves again. I need to stop doing this and just let it all happen.
I carefully did lots of planning, research and deciding before embarking on this challenge of loosing all the "mummy" weight once and for all gained over the last twenty years growing a large family, breastfeeding and generally waiting to be a mum again, now that is all finished the "mummy' weight can sod off I dont need it any more, I want to be able to go shopping with my daughters and know I can walk in to most shops and find something that will fit me, I want us to be arguing over who's turn it is to wear that top or jeans, regular stuff enjoyed by others but only dreamed about by us so lets ow make it a reality. Here we are, that is what is happening, I am doing this one way or another if it kills me I am going to finish the rest of the year sorting out my ridiculous body, nerve damage, broken back bone, internally the pinching nerves around the metal, all these things can be achieved I just need to stay focused and not get sidelined. Its difficult, I've not been online much since Saturday because sometimes reading things or other people's stories can be a bad thing, I just need to stay focused on my own so that is what I'm doing.
Feel dead proud of myself though, there was a rare moment earlier today when my husband walked past me, stopped, smiling he said "you look so happy glowing and pretty sitting there miles away like that" it made me smile as I am feeling really good about all of this and yes, its making me smile too.