keep your head down until I tell you to speak

[ncseventeen]

I just pinched my thigh and a nerve in my forearm stung. Bodies are odd. I'm so disconnected from what I can only imagine is myself. I constantly feel like I'm doing something wrong or putting people off, but my behavior seems to make basic sense to me until someone calls me out on it or reacts strongly to me. I'm having a hard time deciphering my emotions and prioritizing. I'm constantly caught between wanting desperately to sit completely still and wanting to stretch myself out violently, ripping away the solid objects that come in contact with my limbs. I want to yell, I want to cry, I want to dramatic, I want to laugh. I want to start arguments and say everything politically incorrect and unexpected. I want to say 'I love you' and I want to be held, enclosed.

What's the opposite of claustrophobic? Yeah. I'm that.