TDC: Final Fantasy VII Remake (3/?)
Part 3: More Characters and Weapons
The scene is the same as last time, though with additional characters. Rufus, Tseng, and Elena are sitting on one of the sofas. Barret, Cid, Reno, and Rude are sitting at the minibar, with Tifa serving drinks.
Rufus: Are we ready to start?
Everyone nods.
Tseng: Reno has made his point in the last discussion, so it only makes sense that Elena and I would be the next characters to talk about.
Elena: Sir, you don’t need any changes.
Reno: Yeah, you had two prequels to establish yourself.
Elena: Oh, but the remake needs to make it absolutely clear that Tseng did not die in the original game.
Rufus: Agreed.
Barret: And what are they gonna do about you?
Rex XIII: Nobody likes him, but you have to admit he makes a good villain.
Cloud: (looks at Sephiroth) Not going to say anything about that?
Sephiroth: It’s all about perspective, Cloud. Do you think I make a better villain than Shinra?
Cloud turns his head away.
Sephiroth: You can admit it, Cloud.
Barret: I think Shinra’s the bigger villain here! They’re killin’ the planet by buildin’ those damn mako reactors, and they’ve been around longer than you!
Red XIII: But let’s not forget that Sephiroth was the one who summoned Meteor and caused the Weapons to run loose.
Yuffie: And killed Aerith!
Cid: (drinks) Bastard.
Tifa: Can we go back to talking about characters?
Rufus: Yes. Let’s move on to other Shinra personnel.
Tseng: What about Heidegger?
Rufus: (rubs his forehead) Him. The remake needs to get rid of his stupid laugh and make him more competent.
Elena: And Scarlet?
Cait Sith: They need to get rid of her laugh, too.
Reeve: When I think about it, I hated it that she named the cannon the Sister Ray.
Rufus: Agreed. “Mako Cannon” sounded a lot better than “Sister Ray”, but now we come to the elephant in the room.
Cid: What elephant?
Rufus: Hojo.
Cloud, Vincent, and Sephiroth groan.
Vincent: Forget Sephiroth, Hojo is the worst villain in the game. A lot of things could have been prevented if he had never existed.
Cloud nods.
Sephiroth: Not to mention he was an inferior man compared to Professor Gast.
Pause.
Aerith: Has anyone told him yet?
Sephiroth: Told me what?
Vincent: It would be better if he doesn’t know.
Sephiroth draws out Masamune and points it at Vincent.
Sephiroth: What are you hiding?
Vincent: Check the wiki if you want, but I’m not obligated to tell you.
Sephiroth puts away his sword and goes to the computer.
Cloud: (panicking) Vincent, if he reads the wiki articles, he’ll go insane again!
Barret: Aw hell! We’re gonna have to save the Planet again before the remake even comes out!
The computer suddenly shuts off. Sephiroth tries to turn it back on, but it doesn’t work. From behind the computer, Cait Sith sneaks away from the pulled plug and returns to Reeve’s side. Everyone else lets out an internal sigh of relief. Sephiroth shakes his head and returns to the sofa, sitting next to Cloud. Cloud edges away from him.
Reeve: So, who else can we talk about?
Reno: There’s that sleazy Don Corneo guy.
Cloud, Tifa, Aerith, Yuffie, and Elena:
Elena: I wish you would have killed him back in Wutai.
Yuffie: Yeah!
Aerith: No, he plays a role in one of the novellas, so they can’t kill him off in the remake.
Cloud: Damn.
Sephiroth: I’ve never seen you look so uncomfortable, Cloud. Did he treat you poorly in bed?
Everyone: What?!
Cloud punches Sephiroth’s face.
Barret: What’s the story behind all that?!
Cid: And does it have to do with you crossdressing?!
Cloud: Sephiroth…all the hatred I have for you has just been multiplied tenfold. I…I need a drink.
Cloud gets up and goes to the bar counter. He takes a seat.
Cloud: Give me a hard one, Tifa.
Reno:
Tifa: (as she prepares a drink) Uh, so what about Dyne?
Barret’s face falls.
Barret: What about him?
Tifa: I think he needs a bigger role, or at least needs to be established earlier.
Yuffie: Yeah, we didn’t see enough of him.
Barret: (drinks) Maybe.
Tifa passes Cloud his drink. He takes the glass and downs it in one gulp.
Cloud: What about Bugenhagen?
Red XIII: What about Grandpa?
Aerith: He’s a good character, but I wish we knew more about him. He’s not a Cetra, yet he’s too old to be human.
Cid: Didn’t he die near the end?
Aerith: Um…I actually don’t know.
Sephiroth: You were in the Lifestream. How could you not know?
Aerith: The game might have implied that he died, but no one knows for sure.
Red XIII: The remake should have him live in the end.
Aerith: Red, he’s a hundred and thirty years old. He’s going to have to return to the Lifestream sooner or later.
Red XIII: I…I know, but…
Red XIII lowers his head.
Sephiroth: Everyone must go back eventually. Isn’t that right, Cloud?
Cloud:
Cait Sith: We can talk about Shera.
Cid: She’s a good person; never did anything wrong.
Yuffie: You were an ass to her.
Cid: I know. (drinks) She doesn’t need any changes.
Tifa: I agree.
Tseng: Anyone else?
Cloud: Well, there’s Lucre-.
Vincent jumps out of his seat, runs over to Cloud, and covers his mouth with his hand.
Vincent: Not here, not now.
Tifa: Vincent, we should be able to openly talk about this.
Sephiroth: Who are we talking about?
Vincent: No one.
Reeve: She was established in Dirge of Cerberus, but we want to see and know her more before she gets crystalized.
Vincent: …Maybe. To be able to see and talk to her one more time…
Vincent lowers his hand.
Cloud: I think that’s it for the characters.
Tifa: So, what should we talk about next?
Rude: …Combat.
Yuffie: Okay, but what part of it? The weapons? Materia? The battle system?
Reeve: I talked about that in the first discussion.
Tifa: We still have some time before the next break. Why don’t we go ahead and cover weapons?
Cloud: (pulling out the Buster Sword) I don’t think there should be a system where we have to buy new weapons. This has a legacy, and I’m not going to get rid of it.
Barret: Then what about your other swords in the movie?
Aerith: Besides, you left that sword as a grave marker for Zack.
Cloud: (scowling) As far as I’m concerned, the movie never happened.
Aerith: But it’s already established as canon.
Cloud: I don’t care.
Sephiroth: (smug) You’re in denial again, Cloud.
Tifa: You’re right about the Buster’s Sword significance, Cloud, but I can’t take out the tougher enemies with just gloves. I would at least like some brass knuckles with spikes on them.
Barret: I’m kind of with Cloud. (shows off his gun arm) This was grafted onto me, and I don’ think I can just swap it out with somethin’ else.
Aerith: Well, I can’t stick with rods.
Reno: I can.
Rufus: That’s because yours can shoot electricity out of it.
Red XIII: Well, I think headdresses as weapons are dumb.
Yuffie: I would like to try different weapons out! Sure, my shuriken are good for long distance attacks, but I’d like to try out a katana or a naginata.
Cid: Not a naginata; I’m the dragoon here.
Cloud: And I’m the one who uses swords.
Yuffie: Aw…
Cait Sith: I can only use my megaphones to command the Moogle doll.
Barret: If they just give commands, then how come it affects attack power?
Cait Sith: Um…the louder it is, the harder it hits?
Cid: That doesn’t make any sense!
Cloud: Either get a different weapon or stick with the one megaphone.
Vincent: I’m fine with my gun.
Cid: I could always use better spears.
Sephiroth: (drawing out Masamune) Nothing can ever replace this.
Rufus: It’s pretty obvious that everyone is divided about how to handle the weapon system.
Elena: Sir, what about a weapon upgrade system?
Tseng: Weapon upgrade system?
Elena: This way, everyone can keep their default weapons and make them stronger.
Cloud: That might not be bad.
Red XIII: But how will weapons be upgraded? Will we need materials from monsters?
Barret: Nuh-uh. There are way too many monsters and I’m not going to spend an hour hunting them for that last scale or whatever.
Tifa: So we just pay Gil?
Reeve: Seems like it, but the players would have to, what do they call it, “grind”?
Reno: Yep. They would have to grind for Gil
Aerith: Oh, but everyone can still gain experience, so it’s not that bad.
Cait Sith: Wait a minute! What’s stopping everyone from just selling all their useless items and getting money that way? It wouldn’t be right if everyone got high level weapons early in the game.
Rufus: Maybe set a level limit in upgrading. For example: the second upgrade won’t be available until you reach level fifteen.
Yuffie: (excited) Ooh! There could be people that upgrade our weapons at towns, and there could be a secret mountain hermit that can upgrade them to their maximum potential, or something like that.
Cid: That definitely sounds like something that would be in a Final Fantasy game. You might be on to something, kid.
Yuffie: (pouting) Hey! I’m not a kid!
Tifa: This looks like a good place to take a break. (to Rufus) Are you and the Turks going to join in on the next discussion?
Rufus: I don’t know about the Turks, but I’m currently working with some people to redesign Midgar for the remake, so I’ll have to pass.
Reno: You’re going to talk about combat next, right? Sure, I’ll be there. (looks at Rude) What about you?
Rude nods.
Elena: I’ll be here, too.
Tseng: Not me; someone has to look after Mr. Shinra.
Sephiroth: I’ll be here, too.
Cloud: No one asked you.
Tifa: Cloud, I know you’ll hate hearing this, but I think he should stay. Combat is something we can all talk about, and I don’t Cid’s up to fixing the ceiling again.
Cid: (drinks) Yeah, next time, use the $&%# door like everyone else does.
Sephiroth: I’ll do just that. Until next time…
Everyone but Cloud and Cid, who continue to drink, leaves the lounge.
The scene is the same as last time, though with additional characters. Rufus, Tseng, and Elena are sitting on one of the sofas. Barret, Cid, Reno, and Rude are sitting at the minibar, with Tifa serving drinks.
Rufus: Are we ready to start?
Everyone nods.
Tseng: Reno has made his point in the last discussion, so it only makes sense that Elena and I would be the next characters to talk about.
Elena: Sir, you don’t need any changes.
Reno: Yeah, you had two prequels to establish yourself.
Elena: Oh, but the remake needs to make it absolutely clear that Tseng did not die in the original game.
Rufus: Agreed.
Barret: And what are they gonna do about you?
Rex XIII: Nobody likes him, but you have to admit he makes a good villain.
Cloud: (looks at Sephiroth) Not going to say anything about that?
Sephiroth: It’s all about perspective, Cloud. Do you think I make a better villain than Shinra?
Cloud turns his head away.
Sephiroth: You can admit it, Cloud.
Barret: I think Shinra’s the bigger villain here! They’re killin’ the planet by buildin’ those damn mako reactors, and they’ve been around longer than you!
Red XIII: But let’s not forget that Sephiroth was the one who summoned Meteor and caused the Weapons to run loose.
Yuffie: And killed Aerith!
Cid: (drinks) Bastard.
Tifa: Can we go back to talking about characters?
Rufus: Yes. Let’s move on to other Shinra personnel.
Tseng: What about Heidegger?
Rufus: (rubs his forehead) Him. The remake needs to get rid of his stupid laugh and make him more competent.
Elena: And Scarlet?
Cait Sith: They need to get rid of her laugh, too.
Reeve: When I think about it, I hated it that she named the cannon the Sister Ray.
Rufus: Agreed. “Mako Cannon” sounded a lot better than “Sister Ray”, but now we come to the elephant in the room.
Cid: What elephant?
Rufus: Hojo.
Cloud, Vincent, and Sephiroth groan.
Vincent: Forget Sephiroth, Hojo is the worst villain in the game. A lot of things could have been prevented if he had never existed.
Cloud nods.
Sephiroth: Not to mention he was an inferior man compared to Professor Gast.
Pause.
Aerith: Has anyone told him yet?
Sephiroth: Told me what?
Vincent: It would be better if he doesn’t know.
Sephiroth draws out Masamune and points it at Vincent.
Sephiroth: What are you hiding?
Vincent: Check the wiki if you want, but I’m not obligated to tell you.
Sephiroth puts away his sword and goes to the computer.
Cloud: (panicking) Vincent, if he reads the wiki articles, he’ll go insane again!
Barret: Aw hell! We’re gonna have to save the Planet again before the remake even comes out!
The computer suddenly shuts off. Sephiroth tries to turn it back on, but it doesn’t work. From behind the computer, Cait Sith sneaks away from the pulled plug and returns to Reeve’s side. Everyone else lets out an internal sigh of relief. Sephiroth shakes his head and returns to the sofa, sitting next to Cloud. Cloud edges away from him.
Reeve: So, who else can we talk about?
Reno: There’s that sleazy Don Corneo guy.
Cloud, Tifa, Aerith, Yuffie, and Elena:
Elena: I wish you would have killed him back in Wutai.
Yuffie: Yeah!
Aerith: No, he plays a role in one of the novellas, so they can’t kill him off in the remake.
Cloud: Damn.
Sephiroth: I’ve never seen you look so uncomfortable, Cloud. Did he treat you poorly in bed?
Everyone: What?!
Cloud punches Sephiroth’s face.
Barret: What’s the story behind all that?!
Cid: And does it have to do with you crossdressing?!
Cloud: Sephiroth…all the hatred I have for you has just been multiplied tenfold. I…I need a drink.
Cloud gets up and goes to the bar counter. He takes a seat.
Cloud: Give me a hard one, Tifa.
Reno:
Tifa: (as she prepares a drink) Uh, so what about Dyne?
Barret’s face falls.
Barret: What about him?
Tifa: I think he needs a bigger role, or at least needs to be established earlier.
Yuffie: Yeah, we didn’t see enough of him.
Barret: (drinks) Maybe.
Tifa passes Cloud his drink. He takes the glass and downs it in one gulp.
Cloud: What about Bugenhagen?
Red XIII: What about Grandpa?
Aerith: He’s a good character, but I wish we knew more about him. He’s not a Cetra, yet he’s too old to be human.
Cid: Didn’t he die near the end?
Aerith: Um…I actually don’t know.
Sephiroth: You were in the Lifestream. How could you not know?
Aerith: The game might have implied that he died, but no one knows for sure.
Red XIII: The remake should have him live in the end.
Aerith: Red, he’s a hundred and thirty years old. He’s going to have to return to the Lifestream sooner or later.
Red XIII: I…I know, but…
Red XIII lowers his head.
Sephiroth: Everyone must go back eventually. Isn’t that right, Cloud?
Cloud:
Cait Sith: We can talk about Shera.
Cid: She’s a good person; never did anything wrong.
Yuffie: You were an ass to her.
Cid: I know. (drinks) She doesn’t need any changes.
Tifa: I agree.
Tseng: Anyone else?
Cloud: Well, there’s Lucre-.
Vincent jumps out of his seat, runs over to Cloud, and covers his mouth with his hand.
Vincent: Not here, not now.
Tifa: Vincent, we should be able to openly talk about this.
Sephiroth: Who are we talking about?
Vincent: No one.
Reeve: She was established in Dirge of Cerberus, but we want to see and know her more before she gets crystalized.
Vincent: …Maybe. To be able to see and talk to her one more time…
Vincent lowers his hand.
Cloud: I think that’s it for the characters.
Tifa: So, what should we talk about next?
Rude: …Combat.
Yuffie: Okay, but what part of it? The weapons? Materia? The battle system?
Reeve: I talked about that in the first discussion.
Tifa: We still have some time before the next break. Why don’t we go ahead and cover weapons?
Cloud: (pulling out the Buster Sword) I don’t think there should be a system where we have to buy new weapons. This has a legacy, and I’m not going to get rid of it.
Barret: Then what about your other swords in the movie?
Aerith: Besides, you left that sword as a grave marker for Zack.
Cloud: (scowling) As far as I’m concerned, the movie never happened.
Aerith: But it’s already established as canon.
Cloud: I don’t care.
Sephiroth: (smug) You’re in denial again, Cloud.
Tifa: You’re right about the Buster’s Sword significance, Cloud, but I can’t take out the tougher enemies with just gloves. I would at least like some brass knuckles with spikes on them.
Barret: I’m kind of with Cloud. (shows off his gun arm) This was grafted onto me, and I don’ think I can just swap it out with somethin’ else.
Aerith: Well, I can’t stick with rods.
Reno: I can.
Rufus: That’s because yours can shoot electricity out of it.
Red XIII: Well, I think headdresses as weapons are dumb.
Yuffie: I would like to try different weapons out! Sure, my shuriken are good for long distance attacks, but I’d like to try out a katana or a naginata.
Cid: Not a naginata; I’m the dragoon here.
Cloud: And I’m the one who uses swords.
Yuffie: Aw…
Cait Sith: I can only use my megaphones to command the Moogle doll.
Barret: If they just give commands, then how come it affects attack power?
Cait Sith: Um…the louder it is, the harder it hits?
Cid: That doesn’t make any sense!
Cloud: Either get a different weapon or stick with the one megaphone.
Vincent: I’m fine with my gun.
Cid: I could always use better spears.
Sephiroth: (drawing out Masamune) Nothing can ever replace this.
Rufus: It’s pretty obvious that everyone is divided about how to handle the weapon system.
Elena: Sir, what about a weapon upgrade system?
Tseng: Weapon upgrade system?
Elena: This way, everyone can keep their default weapons and make them stronger.
Cloud: That might not be bad.
Red XIII: But how will weapons be upgraded? Will we need materials from monsters?
Barret: Nuh-uh. There are way too many monsters and I’m not going to spend an hour hunting them for that last scale or whatever.
Tifa: So we just pay Gil?
Reeve: Seems like it, but the players would have to, what do they call it, “grind”?
Reno: Yep. They would have to grind for Gil
Aerith: Oh, but everyone can still gain experience, so it’s not that bad.
Cait Sith: Wait a minute! What’s stopping everyone from just selling all their useless items and getting money that way? It wouldn’t be right if everyone got high level weapons early in the game.
Rufus: Maybe set a level limit in upgrading. For example: the second upgrade won’t be available until you reach level fifteen.
Yuffie: (excited) Ooh! There could be people that upgrade our weapons at towns, and there could be a secret mountain hermit that can upgrade them to their maximum potential, or something like that.
Cid: That definitely sounds like something that would be in a Final Fantasy game. You might be on to something, kid.
Yuffie: (pouting) Hey! I’m not a kid!
Tifa: This looks like a good place to take a break. (to Rufus) Are you and the Turks going to join in on the next discussion?
Rufus: I don’t know about the Turks, but I’m currently working with some people to redesign Midgar for the remake, so I’ll have to pass.
Reno: You’re going to talk about combat next, right? Sure, I’ll be there. (looks at Rude) What about you?
Rude nods.
Elena: I’ll be here, too.
Tseng: Not me; someone has to look after Mr. Shinra.
Sephiroth: I’ll be here, too.
Cloud: No one asked you.
Tifa: Cloud, I know you’ll hate hearing this, but I think he should stay. Combat is something we can all talk about, and I don’t Cid’s up to fixing the ceiling again.
Cid: (drinks) Yeah, next time, use the $&%# door like everyone else does.
Sephiroth: I’ll do just that. Until next time…
Everyone but Cloud and Cid, who continue to drink, leaves the lounge.