I did it again.
Put myself in a situation where I am utterly powerless over everything:
household decisions, purchases, use of space, furnishings, logistics--even when/if I can plan a wedding and the terms and conditions under which I will be bound in my marriage...simply because someone else owns the purse-strings. I want OUT but now I'm stuck unless we break-up and I leave. I love him but seriously: FML. I'm tired of being under someone else's control.
Also; the shit he said about "wanting to keep his options open in case I can't produce a baby?" Then he doesn't love me. Plain and simple. I'm a baby factory or GTFO. I have THAT LITTLE VALUE that he wants to keep the option open to dump me on my ass if my infertility issues are permanent?
Fuck him. That ain't love. I don't think he's capable of genuine love. It's clear that he has to have the upper hand in all matters and then rub my nose in it. I'm constantly reminded that I care more than he does...and HE'S the one who wants a prenup? I should get one just for the reason that I should worry that he'll use me as an incubator for his spawn and then dump my ass, penniless and used-up after already having forfeited my career and the last of my youth for his bullshit.
I wish I never met him sometimes.