CROSSED THE LINE!!
ARRRRGGGGGHHHHH WTF IS EVERYONES PROBLEM!
sarahs having a sad at me taday coz she hates darren and dosnt want me to talk to him anymore, WTF! i can talk to who the fuck i like! im so sick of putting up with everyones shit! i do everything for my mates here in boarding and when i want them to do something for me (like just listen to wat i have to say about one of my problems they dont even care!) im getting so sick of it, they do it to me all the time, like lastnight i did the most stupidist hing by msgn my x, and this morrning i regreted it!
wat the fuck is wrong with me?
im so sick of putting up walls to protect myself from getting hurt! i cant handel jonno anymore, hes crossing the line! one moment he recons he never stoped loving me, the next he says i never ment shit to him! i cant take it! i dont want him to admit any feelings to me other than friends because my defences are really low! i want to let him in, but i dont at the same time.
Jarad, who i rang lastnight, is like "so r u back with jonno yet?" ha as if! jarad honestly thought jonno and i was gunna last for a while and recons we should get back together??? me, ha jonno thinks i want to get back together with him but dude im not capable of even deciding on what i think of him anymroe!
im so screwd up over this, i honestly thought i could take everything he said like it dosnt matter, ha im wrong again! its amazing to me that after all this time it still hurts, kinda like my dogy knee every now and then it hurts abit!
this morrning when i thought id write in here, i was seriosuly gunna write some heavy shit, and try and figure out for myself just wat im trying to work out in my head. but then i thought fuck it!
im stronger than this and everyone knows it, so why am i acting like im not?
one guy cant, wont screw me up! i let it happen once, and i cut myself for 2 and 1/2 years, and i cut when callan screwd me up earlier this year, im not going to let another guy have that satisfaction again, coz im higher than that im higher than people who do that shit! im higher than my x coz @ lest i wouldnt have left the end of something so special, meaning nothing!
i can get on with shit i know i can, i got this under control. i just gota stop acting like its a big deal! i thought i was over it, i mean i kinda like someone already, the thing that made me think twice is jonnos LJ, it made me feel like i was doing him wrong by moving on unoe??
but this morrning he said he's alrite about it, weather or not thats true i duno? but frankly i gota change my mood or i know ill end up doing something stupid!
im so mad at sarah at the moment, shes being so childish about darren, she says she wants to forget him and shit, then why the fuck is she the one who cant?? darren dosnt want anything to do with her, i dont understand it sometimes! i think sarah just needs to get on with shit and forget about darren and except the fact that im mates with him and it dosnt matter wat she thinks of that coz i dont care, im not going to change a friendship to suit her needs!
im so fucking mad at the moment! i gota go and do shit for the weekend coz bob's mum is getting shitty at her for not getting shit organized and i got to organzie for camp.
i shall finish this later tanite!
lov shaahni
p.s once again jonno being at the heart of my fustration!
WAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME WHY DO I LET HIM DO THIS??
sarahs having a sad at me taday coz she hates darren and dosnt want me to talk to him anymore, WTF! i can talk to who the fuck i like! im so sick of putting up with everyones shit! i do everything for my mates here in boarding and when i want them to do something for me (like just listen to wat i have to say about one of my problems they dont even care!) im getting so sick of it, they do it to me all the time, like lastnight i did the most stupidist hing by msgn my x, and this morrning i regreted it!
wat the fuck is wrong with me?
im so sick of putting up walls to protect myself from getting hurt! i cant handel jonno anymore, hes crossing the line! one moment he recons he never stoped loving me, the next he says i never ment shit to him! i cant take it! i dont want him to admit any feelings to me other than friends because my defences are really low! i want to let him in, but i dont at the same time.
Jarad, who i rang lastnight, is like "so r u back with jonno yet?" ha as if! jarad honestly thought jonno and i was gunna last for a while and recons we should get back together??? me, ha jonno thinks i want to get back together with him but dude im not capable of even deciding on what i think of him anymroe!
im so screwd up over this, i honestly thought i could take everything he said like it dosnt matter, ha im wrong again! its amazing to me that after all this time it still hurts, kinda like my dogy knee every now and then it hurts abit!
this morrning when i thought id write in here, i was seriosuly gunna write some heavy shit, and try and figure out for myself just wat im trying to work out in my head. but then i thought fuck it!
im stronger than this and everyone knows it, so why am i acting like im not?
one guy cant, wont screw me up! i let it happen once, and i cut myself for 2 and 1/2 years, and i cut when callan screwd me up earlier this year, im not going to let another guy have that satisfaction again, coz im higher than that im higher than people who do that shit! im higher than my x coz @ lest i wouldnt have left the end of something so special, meaning nothing!
i can get on with shit i know i can, i got this under control. i just gota stop acting like its a big deal! i thought i was over it, i mean i kinda like someone already, the thing that made me think twice is jonnos LJ, it made me feel like i was doing him wrong by moving on unoe??
but this morrning he said he's alrite about it, weather or not thats true i duno? but frankly i gota change my mood or i know ill end up doing something stupid!
im so mad at sarah at the moment, shes being so childish about darren, she says she wants to forget him and shit, then why the fuck is she the one who cant?? darren dosnt want anything to do with her, i dont understand it sometimes! i think sarah just needs to get on with shit and forget about darren and except the fact that im mates with him and it dosnt matter wat she thinks of that coz i dont care, im not going to change a friendship to suit her needs!
im so fucking mad at the moment! i gota go and do shit for the weekend coz bob's mum is getting shitty at her for not getting shit organized and i got to organzie for camp.
i shall finish this later tanite!
lov shaahni
p.s once again jonno being at the heart of my fustration!
WAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME WHY DO I LET HIM DO THIS??