i thought i was strong maybe im just a big ball of fluff
yesterday i was crazy stalker girlfriend.... at 5 o clock i was told i would be picked up to go on a date for the first time to see x men and eat and stuff.... i was so excited that matt made the initiative i got so pretty dressing up putting make up making my hair i felt lyk i was going to sum extreme event sumthing that made me feel happy cuz i was going with sumone who i thought loved me...
six oclock came and noone showed
seven oclock came and noone showed
eight o clock came and noone showed
i started to call and noone knew where matt was he seemed to fall right off the face of the earth... his parents didnt even know where he was that were pissed off at him and got into sum extreme fight which they thought that he ran away
i went with erika to go find him and i called everywhere riding all over to see if he wasnt sum body lying in the gutter.. cuz yea people ditch but u think theyd eventually call
nine o clock nothing
ten o clock nothing
eleven o clock nothing
i was crying thinking the worst...
i went to sleep and had a dream he was in ... my heart felt like it was breaking every hour and i felt that rush of cold heat that sting ur chest.. my stomach kept turning and i felt my sumwhat of a meal rise in my throat.... my body was left numb in those body sweats...
i went to work today still worried to death so finally i decided to call again and when there is a will there is a way... i called pothead oscars house and asked if oscar was there and his step mom sed no hes at the pool with matt... bingo i think we found a winner
so apparently he lied and sed matt wasnt there when in reality he was... i heppened to mention to the mom that his mother had been looking for him for the past two days and so has his girfriend
now i was pissed
i called his mom and then i found out he just went home and she sed hed call me but i sed no id rather do it myself and not wait for him to have the balls to actually call me .. that would take too long anyway
so i called and he sed oh i was just about to call i cant handle this...
so of course i sed: SAVE IT AND LET ME FINISH IT FOR U I DONT WANT TO BE WITH U AND I WONT GIVE U THE SATISFACTION OF BREAKING UP WITH ME and he sed good cuz i dont care.. whatever and then he hung up AND I SED NOOOOOO U DONT HANG UP ON ME AND I CALLED AND CALLED UNTIL HE FINALLY PICKED UP AND I SED THIS IS HOW ITS GOING TO BE I NEED CLOSURE AND WE ARE NOT DONE WITH CONVERSATION UNTIL I GET IT BUTPIPE... WUT THE HECK UR ALL OVER ME FRIDAY SAYING U LUV ME AND GONNA GET ME SUMTHING FOR MY BDAY AND THE SAME DAY UR ALL EXCITED ABOUT HANGING OUT WIT ME ON SAT AND HOW MUCH U CARE AND DONT WANNA BREAK UP AND THEN U JUST PULL THIS OUT OF UR BUTT OH MY GOSH!!!!! so hes lyk well i dont love you i dont care about you you bother me and you drive me crazy and i cant be with you i dont think youre attractive i never wanted to hang out .... bleh bleh bleh HOW FREAKIN INTERESTING SINCE YOU ALWAYS TELL ME HOW BEAUTIFUL I AM AND HOW NICE I AM AND HOW YOU LOVE THAT I DRIVE YOU CRAZY AND WHEN YOU FREAKIN CRIED ABOUT HOW EVERYONE TREATED YOU AND HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME AND CANT BE WITHOUT ME AND HOW YOU WANTED TO BE WITH ME EVEN IN COLLEGE AND YOU LOVE THE WAY WE DO THINGS YOUR GONA TELL ME YOU DONT GIVE A CRAP!!!!! SHOVE IT!!!!!!! he laughed and sed yep... and then he proceeded to say oh you can start saying all the shyt u want.. w.e. makes u feel comforted..AND I SED REALLY IM THE ONE TALKING CRAP WHEN UR THE ONE THAT CALLED ME THE WHORE TO EVERYONE OH YEA IM DEFINITLEY THE ONE THAT TALKED SHYT and i sed CONGRATS MATT AWESOME PERFORMANCE CLAP CLAP bam i hung up
i then called all loved ones and rejoiced at the burden i have lost
and then went to pf changs where i sat at the center of the table and could not stop staring with nothing in my head but failure..saddness..anger...love...fear
i am scared to start again i am scared to be without him i am scared that my heart is forever damaged i am scared i will not find sumone who cares .....
i am more scared of the person i have become... dependent
i rode my bike around... and then i started to whimper not really in self pity more in remorse for the relationship that was breaking is did i dunno
i dunno anymore....
six oclock came and noone showed
seven oclock came and noone showed
eight o clock came and noone showed
i started to call and noone knew where matt was he seemed to fall right off the face of the earth... his parents didnt even know where he was that were pissed off at him and got into sum extreme fight which they thought that he ran away
i went with erika to go find him and i called everywhere riding all over to see if he wasnt sum body lying in the gutter.. cuz yea people ditch but u think theyd eventually call
nine o clock nothing
ten o clock nothing
eleven o clock nothing
i was crying thinking the worst...
i went to sleep and had a dream he was in ... my heart felt like it was breaking every hour and i felt that rush of cold heat that sting ur chest.. my stomach kept turning and i felt my sumwhat of a meal rise in my throat.... my body was left numb in those body sweats...
i went to work today still worried to death so finally i decided to call again and when there is a will there is a way... i called pothead oscars house and asked if oscar was there and his step mom sed no hes at the pool with matt... bingo i think we found a winner
so apparently he lied and sed matt wasnt there when in reality he was... i heppened to mention to the mom that his mother had been looking for him for the past two days and so has his girfriend
now i was pissed
i called his mom and then i found out he just went home and she sed hed call me but i sed no id rather do it myself and not wait for him to have the balls to actually call me .. that would take too long anyway
so i called and he sed oh i was just about to call i cant handle this...
so of course i sed: SAVE IT AND LET ME FINISH IT FOR U I DONT WANT TO BE WITH U AND I WONT GIVE U THE SATISFACTION OF BREAKING UP WITH ME and he sed good cuz i dont care.. whatever and then he hung up AND I SED NOOOOOO U DONT HANG UP ON ME AND I CALLED AND CALLED UNTIL HE FINALLY PICKED UP AND I SED THIS IS HOW ITS GOING TO BE I NEED CLOSURE AND WE ARE NOT DONE WITH CONVERSATION UNTIL I GET IT BUTPIPE... WUT THE HECK UR ALL OVER ME FRIDAY SAYING U LUV ME AND GONNA GET ME SUMTHING FOR MY BDAY AND THE SAME DAY UR ALL EXCITED ABOUT HANGING OUT WIT ME ON SAT AND HOW MUCH U CARE AND DONT WANNA BREAK UP AND THEN U JUST PULL THIS OUT OF UR BUTT OH MY GOSH!!!!! so hes lyk well i dont love you i dont care about you you bother me and you drive me crazy and i cant be with you i dont think youre attractive i never wanted to hang out .... bleh bleh bleh HOW FREAKIN INTERESTING SINCE YOU ALWAYS TELL ME HOW BEAUTIFUL I AM AND HOW NICE I AM AND HOW YOU LOVE THAT I DRIVE YOU CRAZY AND WHEN YOU FREAKIN CRIED ABOUT HOW EVERYONE TREATED YOU AND HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME AND CANT BE WITHOUT ME AND HOW YOU WANTED TO BE WITH ME EVEN IN COLLEGE AND YOU LOVE THE WAY WE DO THINGS YOUR GONA TELL ME YOU DONT GIVE A CRAP!!!!! SHOVE IT!!!!!!! he laughed and sed yep... and then he proceeded to say oh you can start saying all the shyt u want.. w.e. makes u feel comforted..AND I SED REALLY IM THE ONE TALKING CRAP WHEN UR THE ONE THAT CALLED ME THE WHORE TO EVERYONE OH YEA IM DEFINITLEY THE ONE THAT TALKED SHYT and i sed CONGRATS MATT AWESOME PERFORMANCE CLAP CLAP bam i hung up
i then called all loved ones and rejoiced at the burden i have lost
and then went to pf changs where i sat at the center of the table and could not stop staring with nothing in my head but failure..saddness..anger...love...fear
i am scared to start again i am scared to be without him i am scared that my heart is forever damaged i am scared i will not find sumone who cares .....
i am more scared of the person i have become... dependent
i rode my bike around... and then i started to whimper not really in self pity more in remorse for the relationship that was breaking is did i dunno
i dunno anymore....