tonite has been hell...I am now numb to all emotions...
Me and my b/f of a lil over 5 months just broke up tonite...and I yea I love him but I just couldn't do it anymore...I dont' know what is goin on in my head anymore... Life has showed me almost just how bad it can be. I can remember almost every good day and I know I can remember all the bad ones too...I just don't know which one levels out over the other... It was lyk somedays we were happy and then the next we were yelling at each other. I hated it! Never know what that day was gonna be like. Always having to watch what I say/do just to make sure I didn't piss him off...Yes I loved him and yea I think a part of me will always remember the good that we had but it is just time for me to move on with whut life I have left. I had my whole future planned out and it was always changing...I now don't know what i'm going to do after high-school...but I think one of my worst fears in the world is just ending up like my mom...Going through a bunch of different guys all the time and some of them beating the crap out of her like puttin her in the hospital or some shit like that. I'm so afraid of ending up like her... My head is so full of different thoughts and also with my heart feeling so many different emotions. I don't know if I will ever be completly able to love agian...I would just be afraid that all of this would happen to me all over again. I don't want the feeling of having to hurt someone just for me to be okay. I would sacrifice my own life for a few of my closest friends and they all know that I would it's just...fuck...I don't even know how to begin to tell you...I'm just gonna stop bitchin now and try to write a poem...let's see how bad I write tonite...nevermind...I don't really wanna write...I'm just gonna go.. I'll talk to ya'll pplz l8r...Here's the lyrics to Buried Alive by OTEP I really like this song...
BURIED ALIVE
[intro]
i speak in verses
prophecies & curses
....i hate my life.
[verse]
no miracle is coming ....[hate you]
it's just a hole
nothing's wrong with you
must maintain control
everyone's asking questions
no place is safe
i'll forfeit resurrection
to escape the pain
... i hate my life.
[chorus]
I HATE MY LIFE.
[verse]
i speak in verses
prophecies & curses
this storm of thorns is growing ....[hate me]
there's no end in sight
chaos claws my jaw
& incites a mental riot
i'm in the mouth of madness
with a tongue of poetry
i ate the spine of Atlas
now the world is crushing me
.... i hate my life.
[chorus]
I HATE MY LIFE.
[outro]
BURIED ALIVE BEHIND ENEMY LINES
SURROGATE CHILD FOR THE SINS OF ALL MANKIND
HATE!!
BURIED ALIVE BEHIND ENEMY LINES
[buried alive, buried alive]
FOR THE SINS OF ALL MANKIND!
That's it.....if ya ever get a chance go to their website otep.com and listen to it...
~Blondie
BURIED ALIVE
[intro]
i speak in verses
prophecies & curses
....i hate my life.
[verse]
no miracle is coming ....[hate you]
it's just a hole
nothing's wrong with you
must maintain control
everyone's asking questions
no place is safe
i'll forfeit resurrection
to escape the pain
... i hate my life.
[chorus]
I HATE MY LIFE.
[verse]
i speak in verses
prophecies & curses
this storm of thorns is growing ....[hate me]
there's no end in sight
chaos claws my jaw
& incites a mental riot
i'm in the mouth of madness
with a tongue of poetry
i ate the spine of Atlas
now the world is crushing me
.... i hate my life.
[chorus]
I HATE MY LIFE.
[outro]
BURIED ALIVE BEHIND ENEMY LINES
SURROGATE CHILD FOR THE SINS OF ALL MANKIND
HATE!!
BURIED ALIVE BEHIND ENEMY LINES
[buried alive, buried alive]
FOR THE SINS OF ALL MANKIND!
That's it.....if ya ever get a chance go to their website otep.com and listen to it...
~Blondie