Mother's Day Blues.
Happy Mother's Day.
That's all I have to say about that.
With the exception of mentioning that my son Dylan insisted on seeing me for Mother's Day, (I didn't get to see him last year) so he got to visit yesterday, all day. He says plaintively he wants to come home. Troy did absolutely nothing for me, not even a phone call. I came up to use the computer, and he was on it, and still didn't say anything. What do you do when your own kid seems to have nothing but contempt and shame for you? :(
Anyway, Dylan played with the rats, and said he'd asked his grandma if he could have rats, and she said a definite NO, lol. Typical. Well, when he comes home, I'll get him a couple of his own. He told me that even if I can't get him back through the courts, as soon as he's old enough, he's going to say he wants to live with me. He misses us so much. He admits he has "everything" and says he's "happy" at his grandma's, but said "I am happy, but it's not real happiness. I feel that when I'm here with you." *melts* He noted that a good example was she took him to Disney World, (every kids dream, right?) but that he had to go on every ride alone. I think he'd rather go to the C.N.E. with me and his brother, than go to Disney World with her. A few years ago him and I went to the Exhibition with my friend Jay, and Dylan had a blast! He rode every single ride, including rollercasters and The Zipper! Good times, good times.
Feeling mixed feelings about Dan lately. Feeling confused. One minute I imagine marrying him, the next I contemplate breaking up with him. Our one year anniversary is in two weeks, and I should be happy, but I'm not. There will be no card, no flowers, no nothing, unless I enforce it, and even then... (Christmas and my birthday and Valentine's Day anyone?)
Question for the moms who have a SO that is NOT the dad of your kid(s): Did he do anything for you for Mother's Day? Should a guy do anything for his girlfriend that has kids? Dan did nothing, not even say it, but then, he refused to do anything for his mom, either. I don't understand him...
Last night I couldn't stop crying. It seemed I was bawling (with no apparent triggers) every 20 minutes or so. Maybe I'm PMS'ing? I still get that, even though the 'M' part is missing.
I guess so many things are up in the air right now, and the decisions I make now are going have lasting and marked effects on my present and future. I must tread, but not lightly. Wisely, but not lightly.
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