Rot Soul
I cannot even remember the number of years but watching and reading NANA kind of swarmed the mind full of these thoughts to the experience I felt all those years ago. Reflecting back I can say it was a moment of utter betrayal. There was no thought to discuss or work out to avoid the sudden stabbing of my soul.
My pride was all the more important. A repeat of family history. It was betrayal. One of my heart. It may of never been shared, but I felt every feeling of my heart being torn apart. I would never forgive let alone accept these thoughts into my life again. He was trash.
Today...at times he is....but its such a small importance in my life I can smile and just move on. There are too many special and important things but sometimes these moments build up and I'm reminded of something that traumatized my soul. Men. Aren't they lovely?
It doesn't even come down to gender but the sort of person we tend to associate ourselves with. I can't imagine knowing someone so cold...so heartless...so utterly selfish. I was selfish myself and apparently a bitch as I was told was said so many times behind my back. I was worthless except in conversation to talk shit about.
How unfortunate. I had a pure heart and soul to make those that meant the world to me special. I never lied, never cheated, never pushed to what I REALLY wanted...no one asked.
Its ok now. I'd rather stick a safety pin through my tongue then experience again but alas it is there for me to know. I know now that with graduation...a new place...a new life will open opportunity to forget this period of life.
Humboldt county...your memories...your university...these past 6 years are coming to an end this spring. I pray each day passes swiftly. I look forward to go anywhere but here.
My pride was all the more important. A repeat of family history. It was betrayal. One of my heart. It may of never been shared, but I felt every feeling of my heart being torn apart. I would never forgive let alone accept these thoughts into my life again. He was trash.
Today...at times he is....but its such a small importance in my life I can smile and just move on. There are too many special and important things but sometimes these moments build up and I'm reminded of something that traumatized my soul. Men. Aren't they lovely?
It doesn't even come down to gender but the sort of person we tend to associate ourselves with. I can't imagine knowing someone so cold...so heartless...so utterly selfish. I was selfish myself and apparently a bitch as I was told was said so many times behind my back. I was worthless except in conversation to talk shit about.
How unfortunate. I had a pure heart and soul to make those that meant the world to me special. I never lied, never cheated, never pushed to what I REALLY wanted...no one asked.
Its ok now. I'd rather stick a safety pin through my tongue then experience again but alas it is there for me to know. I know now that with graduation...a new place...a new life will open opportunity to forget this period of life.
Humboldt county...your memories...your university...these past 6 years are coming to an end this spring. I pray each day passes swiftly. I look forward to go anywhere but here.