My Fucked Up Month
Grady Jay Taybron was my biggest crush for over three years. I literally worshiped him cause I figured I wouldn't ever get him. Then low and behold, I become a Junior I start feeling good about myself and not giving a damn who likes me or not. And I run into the Great Jay Taybron. We talk for a few weeks, I start feeling good about myself and so I ask him out... [or he asked me I really don't remember] We start dating everything is good for a while, and then he kinda breaks up with me... [yeah I know I am like what the fuck too] So I spend a good week trying to figure out what the fuck I am suppose to do next. I have NO FUCKING CLUE... I really care about him so off course I can't dump him, but he did dump me so should I move on? Idk he's like afraid I am going to hurt him but in all reality I am hurting like hell thinking he doesn't want to be with me.
On another note, my daddy found out I was bi and kinda stopped talking to me I guess... He said he would call me back but never did... So I know he is disappointed and I really didn't want him to find out the way he did but I guess when the time was right it was going to happen anyway. I am kinda ok with my parents know it's the rest of the family I am still trying to figure out... People are starting to ask questions and I want to just be like YES I AM BI get used to it, but at the same time I grew with these people, they see me a certain way and I don't want to change that... I know it's just a title and there isn't anything too dramatic about me being bi, but still I am not straight so it's not going to be all that easy...
Since i've been "going out" with Jay all of these other guys that i've always been attracted too have started to tell my I can do better. I don't want to do better I want to fix what's broken... I don't want to just give up but I think I might have to... If we don't figure out what's going out with us, I might have to force myself to end it. I don't want Jay to ever feel like I forced him to date me. I don't know I am tired of thinking about it... I am tired of wanting someone more than they want me, and I am tired of crying over it...
On another note, lately I have really been feeling the love with my best friends lately. I mean I know i've annoyed them to the point that they don't care with Jay but we all know by now how I feel about that. I really love them all and I don't know what or where my life would be with out LC, Lyss, and Chris... They all get on my nerves from time to time but I wouldn't trade one in for anything... ok maybe my Jeep... but that's only cause I would want them back after I got it...
My life seems so fucked up right now... But I am sure somehow i'll survive... I always do...
Jay if you want to be with me let me into your bubble...
To my family... ummm yeah...
To my Best Friends... I love you guys...
To everyone else... Love me or Hate me, cause I am who I am...
Darren Andre Walls II
On another note, my daddy found out I was bi and kinda stopped talking to me I guess... He said he would call me back but never did... So I know he is disappointed and I really didn't want him to find out the way he did but I guess when the time was right it was going to happen anyway. I am kinda ok with my parents know it's the rest of the family I am still trying to figure out... People are starting to ask questions and I want to just be like YES I AM BI get used to it, but at the same time I grew with these people, they see me a certain way and I don't want to change that... I know it's just a title and there isn't anything too dramatic about me being bi, but still I am not straight so it's not going to be all that easy...
Since i've been "going out" with Jay all of these other guys that i've always been attracted too have started to tell my I can do better. I don't want to do better I want to fix what's broken... I don't want to just give up but I think I might have to... If we don't figure out what's going out with us, I might have to force myself to end it. I don't want Jay to ever feel like I forced him to date me. I don't know I am tired of thinking about it... I am tired of wanting someone more than they want me, and I am tired of crying over it...
On another note, lately I have really been feeling the love with my best friends lately. I mean I know i've annoyed them to the point that they don't care with Jay but we all know by now how I feel about that. I really love them all and I don't know what or where my life would be with out LC, Lyss, and Chris... They all get on my nerves from time to time but I wouldn't trade one in for anything... ok maybe my Jeep... but that's only cause I would want them back after I got it...
My life seems so fucked up right now... But I am sure somehow i'll survive... I always do...
Jay if you want to be with me let me into your bubble...
To my family... ummm yeah...
To my Best Friends... I love you guys...
To everyone else... Love me or Hate me, cause I am who I am...
Darren Andre Walls II