(no subject)
Wow, there is a bit that I want to post about but really am not in the long-winded writing mood (we'll see). Main topics: first semester grad school wrap up, running, reading, Christmas, wisdom teeth, New Years resolutions...(but I probably won't follow that order or post them all tonight).
Starting with the most recent, Christmas and wisdom teeth. So the wisdom teeth extraction went well (all four impacted wisdom teeth are gone). I am looking less and less like a chipmunk, which is good. Woke up at 7am in a lot of pain this morning; probably because I overdid the chewing for Christmas dinner. I will be happy to be back to normal and being able to chew normal, people food. It's weird, even if you have the food on your tongue and just swallow; it does not taste the same. (yes, that's what she said...) I'm just glad it is mostly over with and it hasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.
Though this break I have felt closer to my family than any other one (probably since no boyfriend's families to visit, no car to be driving place to place with, and oral surgery and pain killers keeping me at home); Christmas was not all that fun. Christmas Eve is with my Mom's side of the family and it just seems we try to rush through things and get it over with. Christmas was with my Dad, his wife, his wife's son over my Aunt Rita's and her new husbands. So, it was just a bit awkward. Just don't see them or my cousins often enough to carry on conversations or feel like a family. I guess all of that combined with me feeling a little down lately didn't make it that much enjoyable. Maybe it is because I have a unrealistic idea of what Christmas with a "normal" family should be like when, really, no family is normal. I know I will be really missing all this when, hopefully, I am in the Peace Corps next year.
Things just feel different for some reason; I just feel different and being home doesn't feel the same. Sometimes I feel more like an observer on my own life than a participant. I wonder if this semester and summer have changed me in a way. I have really learned a lot in the MI program and been trying to become more independent and comfortable with being single (I know, still not there but better than where I was in May). It also seemed I always had something to look forward too; whether it was research, a seminar, a returned peace corps volunteer, going out, a wedding, going home, etc. I lived more in the moment this semester and was less about just getting through the weeks and accomplishing everything (which was nice). Next semester looks to be exciting and educational as well. The biggest thing I am looking forward to is getting my Peace Corps assignment (hopefully) and I am also excited for my field engineering course.
This semester I spent a lot of the time trying to be someone else/different. I mean, USF was a new start and the people didn't know me so I could sort of start fresh. Well that sort of amounted to some craziness that I don't necessarily regret but that isn't really me. And you can only go on pretending for so long and you fall back into your old habits. I am prepared to be more of myself next semester but I'm not really sure what that, entirely, is.
I think I have probably become more arrogant/confident this semester and that may be off putting to some. Though the master's program has really helped me gain needed confidence in my field and I sort of need to believe in myself more to become more independent. So I guess it is more about striking a balance but this, and other journal entries, probably seem on the narcissistic side.
Meh, sorry for the long winded entry. I guess the purpose was just to try to write down and figure out some of the feelings I have been having over this holiday break.
Starting with the most recent, Christmas and wisdom teeth. So the wisdom teeth extraction went well (all four impacted wisdom teeth are gone). I am looking less and less like a chipmunk, which is good. Woke up at 7am in a lot of pain this morning; probably because I overdid the chewing for Christmas dinner. I will be happy to be back to normal and being able to chew normal, people food. It's weird, even if you have the food on your tongue and just swallow; it does not taste the same. (yes, that's what she said...) I'm just glad it is mostly over with and it hasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.
Though this break I have felt closer to my family than any other one (probably since no boyfriend's families to visit, no car to be driving place to place with, and oral surgery and pain killers keeping me at home); Christmas was not all that fun. Christmas Eve is with my Mom's side of the family and it just seems we try to rush through things and get it over with. Christmas was with my Dad, his wife, his wife's son over my Aunt Rita's and her new husbands. So, it was just a bit awkward. Just don't see them or my cousins often enough to carry on conversations or feel like a family. I guess all of that combined with me feeling a little down lately didn't make it that much enjoyable. Maybe it is because I have a unrealistic idea of what Christmas with a "normal" family should be like when, really, no family is normal. I know I will be really missing all this when, hopefully, I am in the Peace Corps next year.
Things just feel different for some reason; I just feel different and being home doesn't feel the same. Sometimes I feel more like an observer on my own life than a participant. I wonder if this semester and summer have changed me in a way. I have really learned a lot in the MI program and been trying to become more independent and comfortable with being single (I know, still not there but better than where I was in May). It also seemed I always had something to look forward too; whether it was research, a seminar, a returned peace corps volunteer, going out, a wedding, going home, etc. I lived more in the moment this semester and was less about just getting through the weeks and accomplishing everything (which was nice). Next semester looks to be exciting and educational as well. The biggest thing I am looking forward to is getting my Peace Corps assignment (hopefully) and I am also excited for my field engineering course.
This semester I spent a lot of the time trying to be someone else/different. I mean, USF was a new start and the people didn't know me so I could sort of start fresh. Well that sort of amounted to some craziness that I don't necessarily regret but that isn't really me. And you can only go on pretending for so long and you fall back into your old habits. I am prepared to be more of myself next semester but I'm not really sure what that, entirely, is.
I think I have probably become more arrogant/confident this semester and that may be off putting to some. Though the master's program has really helped me gain needed confidence in my field and I sort of need to believe in myself more to become more independent. So I guess it is more about striking a balance but this, and other journal entries, probably seem on the narcissistic side.
Meh, sorry for the long winded entry. I guess the purpose was just to try to write down and figure out some of the feelings I have been having over this holiday break.