oh so erratic
ive been going through these emotional bouts for about a week now. Perhaps it's due to my oncoming period or perhaps it's a buildup of all the fucking shit (please exuse my language) that i've been going through with Kengo. ::sigh:: I always tell myself, patience Dimple, endure a little more. But for what?? we are not married...nor do I think I want to marry someone who doesn't respond to me when I pour out my heart and utmost inner feelings. It's so effacing!! For instance we had this conversation recently and he has not yet responded.
Kengo
January 3 at 7:20pm
i would totally being a ojisan(old man) today. i love being at home alone. im such an anti social person.
Me
January 3 at 8:52pm
I kinda get ya. I like my space by myself now and then. ever since I went home though, I realized how much I miss my family...and i returned to NY yesterday and i felt so lonely. It felt really nice to be with my family for five days and I almost wished I didn't have to go back to NY.
In fact, for New Years I normally go out with my brothers, but this year I felt like such an obaasan(old lady) that I stayed home with my parents and watched the time square ball drop lol. It was way too cold to go out and I felt antisocial as well.Plus I was working on an album for my parents with a pictorial history from when they were married until now. That took me three days to do because I went through every album they had and chose pictures to put in the album. My mom really liked it.
Anyhows, did you make any new year's resolutions? I'm not capable of making any this year since I am completely losing my motivation to do anything. I guess you can say that I am going through a period of self-doubt.
How am I suppose to feel about his silence?? He may not think it means much to me if he responds or not, but it does...especially when I've been feeling so down lately. I feel so imbalanced and just hearing reassuring words or even hearing his concern would make me feel slightly better. You shouldn't have to hide your moments of weakness from your significant other because if you do end up with him/her, you will have to both work through that, that's what makes a relationship strong. I feel this relationship has no substance. i told him from the very beginning that he likes me for the wrong reasons and he became apologetic and said he'll change. Everytime we get in a confrontation, he does the same thing. I can't do this anymore. No, my blood BOILS just thinking about him. I don't feel I should be treated this way all the time. There's just so much that I can stand. My parents acknowledge him but never question me about him. I guess they knew too that it can never manifest into reality. I don't think I want it to.
I feel like there's a new wound in my bleeding heart...I've been waking up so weak every morning that I really feel like i'm losing blood...and heart. Im gonna go try to work it off at the gym. Take care.
Kengo
January 3 at 7:20pm
i would totally being a ojisan(old man) today. i love being at home alone. im such an anti social person.
Me
January 3 at 8:52pm
I kinda get ya. I like my space by myself now and then. ever since I went home though, I realized how much I miss my family...and i returned to NY yesterday and i felt so lonely. It felt really nice to be with my family for five days and I almost wished I didn't have to go back to NY.
In fact, for New Years I normally go out with my brothers, but this year I felt like such an obaasan(old lady) that I stayed home with my parents and watched the time square ball drop lol. It was way too cold to go out and I felt antisocial as well.Plus I was working on an album for my parents with a pictorial history from when they were married until now. That took me three days to do because I went through every album they had and chose pictures to put in the album. My mom really liked it.
Anyhows, did you make any new year's resolutions? I'm not capable of making any this year since I am completely losing my motivation to do anything. I guess you can say that I am going through a period of self-doubt.
How am I suppose to feel about his silence?? He may not think it means much to me if he responds or not, but it does...especially when I've been feeling so down lately. I feel so imbalanced and just hearing reassuring words or even hearing his concern would make me feel slightly better. You shouldn't have to hide your moments of weakness from your significant other because if you do end up with him/her, you will have to both work through that, that's what makes a relationship strong. I feel this relationship has no substance. i told him from the very beginning that he likes me for the wrong reasons and he became apologetic and said he'll change. Everytime we get in a confrontation, he does the same thing. I can't do this anymore. No, my blood BOILS just thinking about him. I don't feel I should be treated this way all the time. There's just so much that I can stand. My parents acknowledge him but never question me about him. I guess they knew too that it can never manifest into reality. I don't think I want it to.
I feel like there's a new wound in my bleeding heart...I've been waking up so weak every morning that I really feel like i'm losing blood...and heart. Im gonna go try to work it off at the gym. Take care.