(no subject)
Measure me in metered lines
And one decisive stare
The time it takes to get from here to there
My ribs that show through t-shirts
And these shoes I got for free
I'm unconsoled
I'm lonely
I am so much better than I used to be
Yeah, I'm writing in here because not many people read these things anymore, everyone has moved on to.... myspace, which a xanga stop from here to there. There are only a couple people that I want to see this anyway and I know they will. So this was just the best idea.
Terrified of telephones
And shopping malls and knives
Drowning in the pools of other lives
Rely a bit too heavily
On alcohol and irony
Get clobbered on by courtesy
In love with love and lousy poetry
I don't know how my life is going, i did something yesterday, and I knew it was true.. I knew it. And its not fair to all people involved. So, something needs to come out of it, or nothing does. either one works. I guess. but anyway, I've had pretty much the worst week ever, and you know that... you do. But anyway, now I'm stuck questioning everything. How worth it is it really? my tests tend to reflect my life, stupid mistakes... on all of them. the calc test, the stats test, the chem test i just took... stupid mistakes and I knew better. The test of life seems to work out the same... stupid mistakes... and they are all over the place. Its almost unfair how dumb these mistakes are.
And I'm leaning on this broken fence
Between past and present tense
And I'm losing all those stupid games
That I swore I'd never play
But it almost feels okay
I hate rationalizing, and thats all I'm doing, I'm rationalizing why I'm right... but maybe I'm not. I don't know anymore. I'm exhausted. My brain is crying for a break, it doesn't want more knowledge shoved in it. I can't stay awake because I'm shutting down. nothing is how I imagined it. At the beginning of the year it was all good. you have to stop the self defeating lies you've been repeating Now I know I can count on people that I never thought I could count on before, but some of the people I would trust with my life are slowly fading away... and for what? stupid mistakes.
Circumnavigate this body
Of wonder and uncertainty
Armed with every precious failure
And amature cartography
I'm breathing deep before
I spread those maps out on my bedroom floor
I just want to leave, go to college and get over this life. I'll miss certain people, and yes a lot of them are male, but... thats how it goes, guys are more fun than girls.. honestly there are about three girls that I would miss... and about ten guys. I just don't know what to do, and this entry is really emo sounding, but i spose thats okay, cus it happens. I just want it all to stop. please. I want my happy ending back.
And I'm leaning on this broken fence
Between past and present tense
And I'm losing all those stupid games
That I swore I'd never play
But it almost feels okay
last night was the culmination of my bad week, I don't think it can get any worse, but it can... and it probably will, against my wishes. of course. Your self esteem problems are not for me to fix, I have my own problems... I can just tell you how I feel and hope it helps, but when it doesn't you need to figure it out on your own... a lot of other people's parents told them they weren't good enough as kids and as teenagers and even now... I can think of at least five others. Most of us are okay, most of us stopped listening, because thats what it takes to be okay, to block it out and realize that... you are worth something, if not to your parents, then to your friends.
My mouth tastes like morning and puke, so I'm gonna go brush my teeth and do homework. Later I'm doing things, but feel free to call me at anytime, granted I hear my phone... I will definitely pick up... unless I don't then I'll call you back.
And I'm leaving with goodbye
And I'm losing but I'll try
With the last ways left
To remember sing
My imperfect offering