sicko..
well, the leadership retreat was very much not how i expected it to go - at all. no, it was not incredibly fun for me. and instead of getting to know everyone and meeting them etc, lots of people have a very bad first impression of me.
so first, of all, i was getting sick a few days ago, and of course it came in full yesterday, just in time to get up to thetis island.. anyways, that must have started me on the whole yucky mood, cause it just went downhill from there.
i was feeling soo crappy, and i was just not in the mood for anymore games by the time 8 or 9 came around.. so (after leading katie lowe into the common room so tay could put out her little scavenger hunt!) when the water game thing started, everyone left, and i decided to just lie down on the couches and sleep a little. one of the "adult" people, mike eligh or something kept coming in, and asking me if he could do anything for me, which was nice i suppose.. but a little annoying after a while. and then when one of the male teachers came in and said "let's go, come on, you have to get outside now" in a not-so-nice tone (hey, i could've been hallucinating, but i was not doing very well..), you know how it makes you upset a bit to hear someone raise their voice at you, right? anyways.. then ms. parkinson came in, and asked if i was okay.. and i guess since no one had really been asking me that too much, i got a little "emotional" and started to cry!! so she sat with me.. and then all these other big important teacher people came in.. and every time i tried to say somethine, even little, i would just cry even more. (that's what happens - once i start, every time i open my mouth, it just comes out). and then ms parkinson even asked me if i was having mental problems or something, so they all think i'm like depressive or soemthing..
well, i suppose i looked the part well enough though. sitting in this huge room all by myself, while everbody else is playing some games outside in the dark.. and i'm there, all by myself, crying my eyes out, curled up on an old couch.
i really wished katie hadn't left.. i really wanted a hug. and then i was hoping tay would come up, for the same reason. and hoping that maybe katie or tay was wondering where i was.. and if they'd come up to see me.. but nope, it's okay.. but this chick darby did. and so she's seen me at my worst.. great. and once again, i probalby said more than i should have, but i really needed someone to talk to, and she seemed so super sweet about it. today though, she barely acknowledged me, but hey, maybe i just freaked her out or something..
oh yah, here's another little addition, and a tip for others: don't chew un-chewable tylonal... yah, it's quite gross. anyways, at least i got some into my body i guess!!
so man, i just really needed to cry. as i have needed to for like a year. (or at least a couple of months). but of course, it ALWAYS comes at the very worst time.. and i of course couldn't get it all out.
i've gotta get this outta me.
hope everyone else is doing well. i'll talk to you all... sometime soon i hope
so first, of all, i was getting sick a few days ago, and of course it came in full yesterday, just in time to get up to thetis island.. anyways, that must have started me on the whole yucky mood, cause it just went downhill from there.
i was feeling soo crappy, and i was just not in the mood for anymore games by the time 8 or 9 came around.. so (after leading katie lowe into the common room so tay could put out her little scavenger hunt!) when the water game thing started, everyone left, and i decided to just lie down on the couches and sleep a little. one of the "adult" people, mike eligh or something kept coming in, and asking me if he could do anything for me, which was nice i suppose.. but a little annoying after a while. and then when one of the male teachers came in and said "let's go, come on, you have to get outside now" in a not-so-nice tone (hey, i could've been hallucinating, but i was not doing very well..), you know how it makes you upset a bit to hear someone raise their voice at you, right? anyways.. then ms. parkinson came in, and asked if i was okay.. and i guess since no one had really been asking me that too much, i got a little "emotional" and started to cry!! so she sat with me.. and then all these other big important teacher people came in.. and every time i tried to say somethine, even little, i would just cry even more. (that's what happens - once i start, every time i open my mouth, it just comes out). and then ms parkinson even asked me if i was having mental problems or something, so they all think i'm like depressive or soemthing..
well, i suppose i looked the part well enough though. sitting in this huge room all by myself, while everbody else is playing some games outside in the dark.. and i'm there, all by myself, crying my eyes out, curled up on an old couch.
i really wished katie hadn't left.. i really wanted a hug. and then i was hoping tay would come up, for the same reason. and hoping that maybe katie or tay was wondering where i was.. and if they'd come up to see me.. but nope, it's okay.. but this chick darby did. and so she's seen me at my worst.. great. and once again, i probalby said more than i should have, but i really needed someone to talk to, and she seemed so super sweet about it. today though, she barely acknowledged me, but hey, maybe i just freaked her out or something..
oh yah, here's another little addition, and a tip for others: don't chew un-chewable tylonal... yah, it's quite gross. anyways, at least i got some into my body i guess!!
so man, i just really needed to cry. as i have needed to for like a year. (or at least a couple of months). but of course, it ALWAYS comes at the very worst time.. and i of course couldn't get it all out.
i've gotta get this outta me.
hope everyone else is doing well. i'll talk to you all... sometime soon i hope