first fic
OK, I wrote this for a contest on you cares. I wrote it in one go, so no beta read, and no going back to rewrite parts to make more sense. It is a little ruff in my opinion, but pretty representative of my writing style. Concrit is wanted so please feel free to pick this apart and give me suggestions. I love improving myself, and if you can help, please do. Thank you.
Titlle: Date
Author: Nathansslut
Pairing/characters Nathan, Toki, brief Pickles, and Charles appearance
Rating: G.. Horrible fluffy G...I fail..
Summary: Toki asks Nathan out on a date
Warnings: Newbie fic, and horrible accents, lame ending
Notes: Seriously... I fail. I did this for the contest, but I have had major block lately. I forced this garbage out to hopefully break the block. I hope it isn't to horrible for you all.
Toki was eating breakfast alone as usual. Well... he wasn't really eating, just sort of playing with the sweet O's from his Fruit Loops. They had gone soggy 15 minutes ago, and were completely uneatable now. Being alone wasn't new. It was 8:30 in the morning. Everyone else should have been sound asleep still, so it was with a surprised expression that he looked up from the table as some one came in. "Pickle!? What you doings up already?"
Pickles mumbled something to a nearby klokateer, most likely a breakfast order, and flopped into a chair. "I haven been ta bed yet"
Toki went back to playing with his breakfast. He was lost in thought. He had decided to do something about the feelings he had for Nathan. He just couldn't decide what to do. How did he go about this with out getting the crap beat out of him. A few minutes later he looked over at Pickles. "Pickle? Can I axes you somet'ing?"
"Sure kid, wha' is it?"
"Uhmm, when likes somebody, and wants to gets some time wif tem, you knows, to talk and stuff... what do you does?"
Pickles looked at Toki out of the edge of his vision. " Who do you like...Never mind. I don wanna know. You ask them on a date."
"Date? What a date?"
"Seriously Toki? You don know what a date is? You ask the person to go some where with you, like a dinner and movie or something."
"Oh... ok. Tanks.." Now Toki knew what he needed to do, ask Nathan on a date. But to where. Nathan, in general, didn't like movies, and since Toki didn't understand the actors most of the time (they spoke why to fast) that didn't sound like a good idea. At least one of them should like the activity. He thought about asking Nathan to play some video games with him, but Nathan almost always said no. What use would it be to ask him to do something that he would say no to?
Toki got up from the table leaving his cereal uneaten and wondered off to the rec room. He stripped and got into the hot tub to think. He had no ideas. An hour later, Toki was wrinkled from the water, but still no closer. Everything he thought of to do, either Nathan would say no to (going model shopping) or they both would hate (going to the mall to just shop). He decided he needed inspiration. He went to the Mordhaus library.
The band members, for the most part, downloaded all of their music. Toki had all of his on an ipod for example. That would not due for his purpose. He wanted to listen to Nathan sing. That might give him some ideas, and his ipod was not in artist order. It was in no order, so he would have to work to get just their own songs to play. In the Mordhaus library, though, they had a section the size of a music store dedicated to music. Anything they could want was housed there. Toki went to the section dedicated to Dethklok, and paused. Right before their music started was something that only had the name Nathan Explosion written on the side. Toki picked it up and looked at it. It was Nathan's Shakespeare recordings, and a light bulb went off above his head.
Two hours later, Toki was standing front of his managers office trying to gather enough courage to knock. After searching local venues for one that would hopefully be playing something Shakespeare that wasn't totally unmetal, like Romeo and Juliette or Mid Summers Night dream. He found one that was doing a performance of Macbeth that Saturday, but it was a good 2 hours away. He decided he would talk to the butlers-man to see if something could be arranged to make less travel time. Which would mean he would have to tell him what he had planned. Sigh... he may as well get it over with. Couldn't be as bad as actually asking Nathan out will be, and he was determined to do that. He cracked the door open "Charleses? Do you have some minutes to talk?"
"Yes Toki, I have some free time, what can I help you with?"
"Uhmm... Well you has to promise not to say no'ting to any one, ok?"
"Of course Toki. Anything we talk about will be completely confidential."
"Ok... Well." Toki suddenly became nervous, and knew everything was rushing out of him, but he couldn't stop it. "I likes Nat'en lots and I wants to ask him on dates, but the only ting I can tink to do is Macbeths, but is two hours away, and I don want to drives dat long, but I don't evens know if Nat'ens will say yes, and I don't wants to uhmm... what the word... spoil? your time, but I want it set up befores I ask him, so can yous help me?"
Charles sat calmly looking at Toki. He was running everything he heard through his Scandinavian guitar player translator in his head, slowing it down and adding correct punctuation. Finally he asked Toki " So you want to ask Nathan to go on a date to a Shakespearean play with you? Is that correct?"
"Ja!"
"But it is a long drive and you want me to somehow shorten it. I can do that. Give me the information of when and where and I will handle it for you. Are you going to be going out to dinner as well?"
"Ja, I woulds like to. Maybe nears de play?"
"Very well. Sounds like a nice evening Toki. Good luck. I will set it up, but if Nathan says no, let me know, OK?"
"Ja. Tanks you Charleses. I ask him now." Toki quickly told Charles when and where the play was, Charles confirmed that he would be ok to pick a suitable restaurant, to which Toki agreed. Then he was off to find Nathan. Hopefully alone.
He did find Nathan alone, sitting in his favorite chair in the rec room, working on his laptop. Suddenly shy, Toki walked in and sat down in front of the computer. He didn't do anything on it, just sat there staring at the screen, convincing himself to go through with the plan. He already had the manager setting it up darn it! He had to do it.
"Uh.. Toki? What are you doing?" Nathan rumbled from his chair.
"No'ting. Just... looking somet'ing up on intersweb."
"Uh... works better if you turn it on, yanno?" Nathan chuckled. Toki was too weird sometimes.
"Oh... Ja. Nat'ens. I want to ask you somet'ing, but I needs you to promises to stay quiet until I done."
"OK... your not gonna ask me anything stupid are you?"
"I don't tink so. I want to ask you... *sigh* lets me starts again. MacBeth is playing Saturdays, and I toght maybes wes could go to dinners and then der... to see it... togethers, just us?"
True to his word Nathan did stay quiet. He stayed quiet for sometime after Toki asked him as well. Long enough that Toki was getting nervous, convinced Nathan was thinking of ways to kill and/or replace him. "Nat'ens? Is is done talkings now. You can answer nows."
"Toki, this sounds kinda like a date. Is that what your asking me? To go on a date with you?"
Nathans voice had been very neutral. Toki couldn't tell if he was mad or not. He chewed on his bottom lip for a few seconds before answering. "If I ams, wills you be saying yes?"
Nathan shook his head, "Not getting away with that Toki. Answer my question first. I want to know if you came in here with the intention of asking me out on a date."
"J.. N..." Toki was very nervous now and stumbling over his words. He took a deep breath, and decided to just spit it out "JA!"
"You are asking me on a date? And you had this planned?"
"Ja Nat'ens. Is did. I likes you and wants to get to knows you betters. Is sorry if you hates me now. Just says no, and I will leaves you alone."
Nathan actually gave a half smile at this. "I'm not mad. Not at all. I'm actually kinda glad you did. Yea, I'll go out with you. Saturday right?"
Toki grinned like a mad man. "Ja, Saturdays! I will lets you know when we leaves laters okay?"
"Yeah. I'm looking forward to it. MacBeth will be awesome to see."
So it was that Toki and Nathan went on their first date. No it wasn't instant love, with them barely making it through dinner before pawing at each other. Matter of fact, Their was no pawing that night at all. They had a nice dinner, and at the play Toki asked too many questions about what the actors were saying and Nathan got annoyed, but he understood why, and didn't hold it against Toki. They got back to the haus and went to their own respective rooms and on Sunday Nathan set up a video game date with Toki. Hell... if Toki could sit through Shakespeare for him, he could put up with a few hours of games. Was that the start of some special there? Well only time will tell (and maybe future fics if you all didn't hate this too much).
Titlle: Date
Author: Nathansslut
Pairing/characters Nathan, Toki, brief Pickles, and Charles appearance
Rating: G.. Horrible fluffy G...I fail..
Summary: Toki asks Nathan out on a date
Warnings: Newbie fic, and horrible accents, lame ending
Notes: Seriously... I fail. I did this for the contest, but I have had major block lately. I forced this garbage out to hopefully break the block. I hope it isn't to horrible for you all.
Toki was eating breakfast alone as usual. Well... he wasn't really eating, just sort of playing with the sweet O's from his Fruit Loops. They had gone soggy 15 minutes ago, and were completely uneatable now. Being alone wasn't new. It was 8:30 in the morning. Everyone else should have been sound asleep still, so it was with a surprised expression that he looked up from the table as some one came in. "Pickle!? What you doings up already?"
Pickles mumbled something to a nearby klokateer, most likely a breakfast order, and flopped into a chair. "I haven been ta bed yet"
Toki went back to playing with his breakfast. He was lost in thought. He had decided to do something about the feelings he had for Nathan. He just couldn't decide what to do. How did he go about this with out getting the crap beat out of him. A few minutes later he looked over at Pickles. "Pickle? Can I axes you somet'ing?"
"Sure kid, wha' is it?"
"Uhmm, when likes somebody, and wants to gets some time wif tem, you knows, to talk and stuff... what do you does?"
Pickles looked at Toki out of the edge of his vision. " Who do you like...Never mind. I don wanna know. You ask them on a date."
"Date? What a date?"
"Seriously Toki? You don know what a date is? You ask the person to go some where with you, like a dinner and movie or something."
"Oh... ok. Tanks.." Now Toki knew what he needed to do, ask Nathan on a date. But to where. Nathan, in general, didn't like movies, and since Toki didn't understand the actors most of the time (they spoke why to fast) that didn't sound like a good idea. At least one of them should like the activity. He thought about asking Nathan to play some video games with him, but Nathan almost always said no. What use would it be to ask him to do something that he would say no to?
Toki got up from the table leaving his cereal uneaten and wondered off to the rec room. He stripped and got into the hot tub to think. He had no ideas. An hour later, Toki was wrinkled from the water, but still no closer. Everything he thought of to do, either Nathan would say no to (going model shopping) or they both would hate (going to the mall to just shop). He decided he needed inspiration. He went to the Mordhaus library.
The band members, for the most part, downloaded all of their music. Toki had all of his on an ipod for example. That would not due for his purpose. He wanted to listen to Nathan sing. That might give him some ideas, and his ipod was not in artist order. It was in no order, so he would have to work to get just their own songs to play. In the Mordhaus library, though, they had a section the size of a music store dedicated to music. Anything they could want was housed there. Toki went to the section dedicated to Dethklok, and paused. Right before their music started was something that only had the name Nathan Explosion written on the side. Toki picked it up and looked at it. It was Nathan's Shakespeare recordings, and a light bulb went off above his head.
Two hours later, Toki was standing front of his managers office trying to gather enough courage to knock. After searching local venues for one that would hopefully be playing something Shakespeare that wasn't totally unmetal, like Romeo and Juliette or Mid Summers Night dream. He found one that was doing a performance of Macbeth that Saturday, but it was a good 2 hours away. He decided he would talk to the butlers-man to see if something could be arranged to make less travel time. Which would mean he would have to tell him what he had planned. Sigh... he may as well get it over with. Couldn't be as bad as actually asking Nathan out will be, and he was determined to do that. He cracked the door open "Charleses? Do you have some minutes to talk?"
"Yes Toki, I have some free time, what can I help you with?"
"Uhmm... Well you has to promise not to say no'ting to any one, ok?"
"Of course Toki. Anything we talk about will be completely confidential."
"Ok... Well." Toki suddenly became nervous, and knew everything was rushing out of him, but he couldn't stop it. "I likes Nat'en lots and I wants to ask him on dates, but the only ting I can tink to do is Macbeths, but is two hours away, and I don want to drives dat long, but I don't evens know if Nat'ens will say yes, and I don't wants to uhmm... what the word... spoil? your time, but I want it set up befores I ask him, so can yous help me?"
Charles sat calmly looking at Toki. He was running everything he heard through his Scandinavian guitar player translator in his head, slowing it down and adding correct punctuation. Finally he asked Toki " So you want to ask Nathan to go on a date to a Shakespearean play with you? Is that correct?"
"Ja!"
"But it is a long drive and you want me to somehow shorten it. I can do that. Give me the information of when and where and I will handle it for you. Are you going to be going out to dinner as well?"
"Ja, I woulds like to. Maybe nears de play?"
"Very well. Sounds like a nice evening Toki. Good luck. I will set it up, but if Nathan says no, let me know, OK?"
"Ja. Tanks you Charleses. I ask him now." Toki quickly told Charles when and where the play was, Charles confirmed that he would be ok to pick a suitable restaurant, to which Toki agreed. Then he was off to find Nathan. Hopefully alone.
He did find Nathan alone, sitting in his favorite chair in the rec room, working on his laptop. Suddenly shy, Toki walked in and sat down in front of the computer. He didn't do anything on it, just sat there staring at the screen, convincing himself to go through with the plan. He already had the manager setting it up darn it! He had to do it.
"Uh.. Toki? What are you doing?" Nathan rumbled from his chair.
"No'ting. Just... looking somet'ing up on intersweb."
"Uh... works better if you turn it on, yanno?" Nathan chuckled. Toki was too weird sometimes.
"Oh... Ja. Nat'ens. I want to ask you somet'ing, but I needs you to promises to stay quiet until I done."
"OK... your not gonna ask me anything stupid are you?"
"I don't tink so. I want to ask you... *sigh* lets me starts again. MacBeth is playing Saturdays, and I toght maybes wes could go to dinners and then der... to see it... togethers, just us?"
True to his word Nathan did stay quiet. He stayed quiet for sometime after Toki asked him as well. Long enough that Toki was getting nervous, convinced Nathan was thinking of ways to kill and/or replace him. "Nat'ens? Is is done talkings now. You can answer nows."
"Toki, this sounds kinda like a date. Is that what your asking me? To go on a date with you?"
Nathans voice had been very neutral. Toki couldn't tell if he was mad or not. He chewed on his bottom lip for a few seconds before answering. "If I ams, wills you be saying yes?"
Nathan shook his head, "Not getting away with that Toki. Answer my question first. I want to know if you came in here with the intention of asking me out on a date."
"J.. N..." Toki was very nervous now and stumbling over his words. He took a deep breath, and decided to just spit it out "JA!"
"You are asking me on a date? And you had this planned?"
"Ja Nat'ens. Is did. I likes you and wants to get to knows you betters. Is sorry if you hates me now. Just says no, and I will leaves you alone."
Nathan actually gave a half smile at this. "I'm not mad. Not at all. I'm actually kinda glad you did. Yea, I'll go out with you. Saturday right?"
Toki grinned like a mad man. "Ja, Saturdays! I will lets you know when we leaves laters okay?"
"Yeah. I'm looking forward to it. MacBeth will be awesome to see."
So it was that Toki and Nathan went on their first date. No it wasn't instant love, with them barely making it through dinner before pawing at each other. Matter of fact, Their was no pawing that night at all. They had a nice dinner, and at the play Toki asked too many questions about what the actors were saying and Nathan got annoyed, but he understood why, and didn't hold it against Toki. They got back to the haus and went to their own respective rooms and on Sunday Nathan set up a video game date with Toki. Hell... if Toki could sit through Shakespeare for him, he could put up with a few hours of games. Was that the start of some special there? Well only time will tell (and maybe future fics if you all didn't hate this too much).