Questions raised while I think.
Today I figured out something. Everytime I talk to someone that is in distress about a person or event, I have this ability to change their logic about whats going on. I have given advice to many others in my day. I reckon its due to the fact I've been through my share of drama, that I have this ability to see it for what it really is. To look past the emotional ties and see the logic and whats going on. I can read people without wearing my glasses and I can see the reasons why people to what they do. This in part disgusts me, because I know how ugly people really are. But really people are in fact not ugly, most tend to be pleasant people. What I beleive this that people exsist as good individuals natural, but as human beings our mammal biological functions are more 'emotionally' pronounced than our ancestral kin. I think we feel just like they do, but with our higher brain mass we feel more. This leads us to have complexed socail and emotional problems, surpassing any that other mammalian kin have. However, even though people, biologically, are good individuals, there emotions can grib on to onto one others', thus leading to a hell bound collision cause commonly called drama. This event or series of events, occurs have two or more individuals are wraped up in emotional ties which are streached or broken by that event or events. After being invovled in one of the most worse negitive bound relationships, I find myself without emotional ties. This does not just go for the individual that brought onto me endless emotional tole and pain. This goes for all my relationships, between friends and family. I seriously feel little or nothing. Not in a way that I do not care about them, but in a way that I can not show it. I care more for my family and friends than I do my own life, do not get me wrong or take my ideas astray. However, making new friends or finding a girl is tough. Not only is trust hard to come by with me, but feelings are too. I can genually think someone is awesome, yet not be able to show it or even feel it. Yet this has its benefits. I can look outside of the realm of someones personal drama and life and see things for what they are. I can see the logic by which makes us humans soicaly run. I can give truly unbiased advice that talks the truth and preaches the logic. Whenever I see someone I am attracted to and then see them go else where with another, I have the uncanny ability to be okay with that and be totally numb of feelings. Its like nothing really bothers me anymore. I live my life one day at a time and for that day alone. I have my own pace and rythum. All I need in order to survive is my family and my friends, which at this point are one and the same. A relationship may decide to spring up and if it does wonderful, but it if does not, I will not be be disapointed. For I am not out looking for one. I truly have patience now in that. And this new found patience spread past finding a girl and runs into the territory of being able to not let anything bother me. When I was a kid I could not wait to winter break or getting a new video game, but now I can wait. Its not a big problem, because I live my life one day at a time and that day alone. Thats how my rythum is set up to work. This is the best thing I have had the ability to gain, this patience. And I know that I may not go where I have always dreamed in life, but I know that I will have life. I will have another day, another day to do anything. And every day seems to me as a new day. I don't know how I've come upon this, but it makes me truly happy. I can just turn around my hope onto the next day. This is my one reason why stuff just does not bother me anymore.