It's over.
One could argue that it never really started or even exisited...but it's done.
It just finally hit me today...and I don't know if I was in denial before or I really am that slow....but it hit me that I was becoming one of the things I hate most in this world. A creature...not teven a person but a thing...
I was trying to be the other man. So I had to call her, and tell it that I'm taking myself out of the running.
God...that's the only way I could think to say it. Like it was some kind of contest and she was a prize. Disgusting.
Someone as wonderful as her, actually having feelings for me....of course there's a catch. Of course there's a reason why it can't happen. Hell, despite whatever justifications I came up with, there were plenty of reasons.
She...she just made me feel good, you know? Whenever we would spend time together, I was actualy kind of almost thinking "Hey, this Nate guy is kinda cool."
It couldn't continue...it just couldn't. I would NOT have been able to live with myself if I kept doing what I was doing. I had to put a stop to it. Had to.
So why do I feel like I've thrown something absolutly wonderful into the trash bin? Why do I feel like I've given up my only chance? We were never actually together, why does this hurt so damn much?
God, you owe me an explanation for this one. I'm normally good about taking my licks, smiling and asking for more, but I need to know why I had to go through this. Because I'm tired of it. "I'm tired of being everyone's butt monkey!"
I'm just...I'm just so very tired.
It just finally hit me today...and I don't know if I was in denial before or I really am that slow....but it hit me that I was becoming one of the things I hate most in this world. A creature...not teven a person but a thing...
I was trying to be the other man. So I had to call her, and tell it that I'm taking myself out of the running.
God...that's the only way I could think to say it. Like it was some kind of contest and she was a prize. Disgusting.
Someone as wonderful as her, actually having feelings for me....of course there's a catch. Of course there's a reason why it can't happen. Hell, despite whatever justifications I came up with, there were plenty of reasons.
She...she just made me feel good, you know? Whenever we would spend time together, I was actualy kind of almost thinking "Hey, this Nate guy is kinda cool."
It couldn't continue...it just couldn't. I would NOT have been able to live with myself if I kept doing what I was doing. I had to put a stop to it. Had to.
So why do I feel like I've thrown something absolutly wonderful into the trash bin? Why do I feel like I've given up my only chance? We were never actually together, why does this hurt so damn much?
God, you owe me an explanation for this one. I'm normally good about taking my licks, smiling and asking for more, but I need to know why I had to go through this. Because I'm tired of it. "I'm tired of being everyone's butt monkey!"
I'm just...I'm just so very tired.