Dear Jason
Again tonight i'm writing. I kind of hate myself for giving you those letters because i have written so much more on here... i hardly even remember what i gave you. I miss you. Tonight i came home and i am alone. I've done this a few nights now, but for some reason i miss you so much right now. What i would do just to feel you. I had a dream a few nights ago that you and i were in your garage. It was almost like you were dead. You floated to me and stood next to me. You were staring at me with red teary eyes. They looked like they had so much pain and sorrow in them. But you were staring at me and i asked you if there was anything i could do to make u come back. You never said a word. You just kept looking at me. I reached out for your hair and started brushing my fingers through it. Suddenly you just grabbed me and held me so tightly. Everything felt so real. Then you pulled away slowly and while you did that your cheek brushed mine. It was almost a replay of the last time i saw you. You have no idea what i would do just to touch you right now. Just to kiss you, to fall asleep on your chest. I regret every fight we had the last few weeks before youleft me. I feel like i took so much for granted. So much. What i would do just to have it all back.
I have a confession to make. I have hung out with james and his friends the last few nights. Not to get back at you. But for the attention i think. i have no feelings of wanting to be with james. I think that is why it is so easy for me to restrain myself. I haven't done anything to betray you. i've been very good. I suppose this is the power of love in action. I cannot even think about being with another guy without feeling like i'm cheating on you. Even though we are separated. I suppose because when i even think of you with another girl. I feel like i could throw up. But idk.. maybe it's different than i think. Maybe you are with girls every night. I just can't see you doing that to me... i feel like that is the only part of my heart left. The part that holds your loyalty to me.
You said it before, now i'm going to say it. Why is life so hard. I wish you didn't just give up. I wish you would have tried harder. i know you are confused... but i wish you didn't just take the easy way out. I thought before, you just werent ready to grow up. But i know now it's your choice.
You said in the letter, that being apart wih probably change both of us. I know your right. I've been hanging out with a lot of friends i lost touch with and a lot of new people that i've never met. You hang out with your cousins and their friends. I don't like the way your cousins are sometimes... and i know you are changing to be more like them because you are with them all the time. I know i will always love Jason, but i am not so sure about Basse. And both of them make who you are. So i guess that is what makes it so complicated.
Every single day i think about you. Talking about you i know wards off all the guys. i don't mind though. i still wear your ring you gave me. Silly i know. But i feel like it protects me in a way. I didn't want to put it in a box or give it back because i love it and i love the person who gave it to me. I don't care were it came from, i just hated the way candy told me. As if she were trying to get me upset with you.
Overall, i know feel like you broke up with me for weed. At first when i read your letter... i felt that you needed your space to grow. But when i hear about anything that is growing... it's usually the weed you are smoking everyday, not you. I wish i could do something to help you. I know however that, that is the worst thing i could do. That is what happenes to a lot of woman. They try to save their man. I can't save you. Only you, can save yourself, and it hurts me so bad to see you doing this. I have always know you had great potential to be something great. i just wish you saw it too.
I hate being here by myself. I hate being by myself. Everything i've done since you've been gone, has only been to either hope you hear about it.. an break u to come home. Or to keep my mind off of thinking about you as much as it was.
God, i miss you so much.
I just want to call so badly, just to hear your voice, or to see how you are doing. Its weird not knowing anything about you anymore. I almost feel like you are imaginary now. Imaginary to me, since everyone else can see you. It's weird, i can't even remember what you sound like. I can't hear you anymore. Sometimes, i can't even see you without looking at a picture. I feel like you are disappearing. It scares me a little, because i know i will see you someday. No matter what though, no matter how long i wait for you. I know my first instinct will be to cry and then want to hug you so badly.
I could never hate you. I feel no hate for you personally. But i hate that you left me here. You got scared, and ran away leaving me to fend for myself. I'm so young and you left me for dead. I try to believe that you knew i would be fine, but i just hate that chance you took. You wrote how much you loved me. I think coward was a good word. When i think about everything. i understand. I understand that you need your space. But from the sounds of it... you are just wasting it. I want to move on, because there are things i need that from other people. Things you claim not to be able to support me with. But i am just not ready, nor do i really want to. I only want to be with you. I wish you felt that way. You love me, but u couldn't trust me to stand next to you. Trust is probably the wrong word, but idk. I'm probably wrong about tis whole thing.
i have read teh letter many many many times. It comforts me, i feel like you are talking to me when i read it. Even if i can't hear you saying ti anymore.
Someday we'll meet again. I just hope you don't run away.
I love you button. XoxOxoX
I have a confession to make. I have hung out with james and his friends the last few nights. Not to get back at you. But for the attention i think. i have no feelings of wanting to be with james. I think that is why it is so easy for me to restrain myself. I haven't done anything to betray you. i've been very good. I suppose this is the power of love in action. I cannot even think about being with another guy without feeling like i'm cheating on you. Even though we are separated. I suppose because when i even think of you with another girl. I feel like i could throw up. But idk.. maybe it's different than i think. Maybe you are with girls every night. I just can't see you doing that to me... i feel like that is the only part of my heart left. The part that holds your loyalty to me.
You said it before, now i'm going to say it. Why is life so hard. I wish you didn't just give up. I wish you would have tried harder. i know you are confused... but i wish you didn't just take the easy way out. I thought before, you just werent ready to grow up. But i know now it's your choice.
You said in the letter, that being apart wih probably change both of us. I know your right. I've been hanging out with a lot of friends i lost touch with and a lot of new people that i've never met. You hang out with your cousins and their friends. I don't like the way your cousins are sometimes... and i know you are changing to be more like them because you are with them all the time. I know i will always love Jason, but i am not so sure about Basse. And both of them make who you are. So i guess that is what makes it so complicated.
Every single day i think about you. Talking about you i know wards off all the guys. i don't mind though. i still wear your ring you gave me. Silly i know. But i feel like it protects me in a way. I didn't want to put it in a box or give it back because i love it and i love the person who gave it to me. I don't care were it came from, i just hated the way candy told me. As if she were trying to get me upset with you.
Overall, i know feel like you broke up with me for weed. At first when i read your letter... i felt that you needed your space to grow. But when i hear about anything that is growing... it's usually the weed you are smoking everyday, not you. I wish i could do something to help you. I know however that, that is the worst thing i could do. That is what happenes to a lot of woman. They try to save their man. I can't save you. Only you, can save yourself, and it hurts me so bad to see you doing this. I have always know you had great potential to be something great. i just wish you saw it too.
I hate being here by myself. I hate being by myself. Everything i've done since you've been gone, has only been to either hope you hear about it.. an break u to come home. Or to keep my mind off of thinking about you as much as it was.
God, i miss you so much.
I just want to call so badly, just to hear your voice, or to see how you are doing. Its weird not knowing anything about you anymore. I almost feel like you are imaginary now. Imaginary to me, since everyone else can see you. It's weird, i can't even remember what you sound like. I can't hear you anymore. Sometimes, i can't even see you without looking at a picture. I feel like you are disappearing. It scares me a little, because i know i will see you someday. No matter what though, no matter how long i wait for you. I know my first instinct will be to cry and then want to hug you so badly.
I could never hate you. I feel no hate for you personally. But i hate that you left me here. You got scared, and ran away leaving me to fend for myself. I'm so young and you left me for dead. I try to believe that you knew i would be fine, but i just hate that chance you took. You wrote how much you loved me. I think coward was a good word. When i think about everything. i understand. I understand that you need your space. But from the sounds of it... you are just wasting it. I want to move on, because there are things i need that from other people. Things you claim not to be able to support me with. But i am just not ready, nor do i really want to. I only want to be with you. I wish you felt that way. You love me, but u couldn't trust me to stand next to you. Trust is probably the wrong word, but idk. I'm probably wrong about tis whole thing.
i have read teh letter many many many times. It comforts me, i feel like you are talking to me when i read it. Even if i can't hear you saying ti anymore.
Someday we'll meet again. I just hope you don't run away.
I love you button. XoxOxoX