(no subject)
Soooo i havent written in a while. I'm home today from school because .. hmm really i dont know. I woke up got dressed and went to brush my teeth. I had 3minutes to do that before i had to leave. But somehow i got side tracked and forgot what i was doing.. thus giving me 2 minutes to get to the bust stop that takes at least 5 to get to. I dont have a belt for the pants i was wearing so as i was running up the hill they were falling down. Soooo i said fuck this i wont make it. Soooo i went back home. I planned on going back at noonish so i could go bowling with my 6th period class. But now i'm feeling really depressed and not wanting to do anything but sleep.
Last sunday was my 18th birthday. Woo big deal. I thought it was.. but i guess it isnt. I really don't want to be 18 because now i am REALLY on my own. It has its pros and cons. God i need a car. I NEEdD a job.. but i can't get one without transportation. My mom and i got in a fight every second of the day saturday and sunday... i swear i was going to kill her if she was even in the same room with me. I can't stand her!!!! Who is she to tell me to get a job! fucker her.. she's the one who needs to get one. Isn't the mother supposed to be one of the supporters. And she is like.. "you can get a job... take the car" hmm well the car HAS NO INSURANCE and if someone hits me.. i dont want that shit on my record. She says, "oh i've been driving for 25 years and no one has hit me.. " well no dur.. she hits them but has insurance. She said.. "if u get in an accident.. we'll take care of it" WHERE THE FUCK IS HER HEAD!? both her and my dad i swear live on a totally different planet. No fucking joke. They have people taking care of them.. thats why its all flowers and sunshine. I hate them.
So because my bday sucked so fucking bad for a 18th .. which i did NOTHING... i saw Rent with Nikki.. but we go to the movies every weekend pretty much so it wasnt a big deal. My parents got me a free cake from the food bank that was expired by like 2 weeks. No mold but tasted like shit. I HATE chocolate/choclate... it makes me sick. But they got that... and it was stale anyway. Thanks guys!
So saturday i wanted ot have a REAL bday party../Holiday party... because i really like this guy and want him to come.. even though he probably wont....cause he is just like that. Idk.. so yeah... i'm having a party.. but freaking out because my house is like... freaking Home Depot right now.. and not clean.. and there isnt anything i can do.. i washed the windows and cleaned some stuff in the garage... but like the counters are covered in tools and cables that i cant do anything else. They better fucking finish this shit before saturday.. or i'll scream and they will NEVER hear the end of it.
Sometimes i feel like, even though i dont have much.. im a spoiled brat. Like i have a lot for having nothing... compared to some people. Idk... i feel like my parents should give me everything i want. Like they should be trying to make me happy. But they just dont care about anything anymore.. thus i get my pessimistic attitude. I really hate when they go to the bar... but then i hate when they're home. I feel like its my house and they're intruding. I dont pay bills so i shouldnt be bitching and taking control.. but they dont pay bills either.. my grandparents do. My dad pays himeself with her money. Thank God i'm leaving for xmas. It's going to be totally depressing here. We havent even put the xmas tree up and probably wont. Not a big deal. It just makes me depressed anyway. Just because its pointless to put up when there is nothing to put under it.
I am mainly pissed right now because i had to spend my bday money on buying my OWN shampoo and conditioner and face was and body wash right.. stuff parents should be buying the kids... and my mom keeps taking it into HER bathroom in the house and using it.. and LEAVING it there.. instead of going out and buying her own shit. I buy specialty stuff for me. Not everyone else... they can go buy their own .89 shampoo instead of using my 2.00. Fuck them... AHH and then i barrowed my dad 10.00 today because i didnt have 1.25 so he could buy a coffee... and so he owes me it all back... annnnnd i wont be getting that anytime soon.. So ALL i have right now is 20.00 and i need to guy shopping for SOOOOOOOOOO much shit.. AHHHHHHHHSDKFJGldgjdfgljk I can't take this. He's like.. i'll give u ur 200 i owe u today.. and im like.. yeah sure. I'll believe it when i see it. I just need to get the fuck out of here.
Well i think i'll go back to bed... Today is really sunny and pretty out.. but i dont want to run into the bitch ho who sleeps all fucking day in her room... I just want to die.. because i feel like im turning into them and there is nothing i can do about it. Even though i know there is... i just have NO motivation to do it. Death take me...................................................
Last sunday was my 18th birthday. Woo big deal. I thought it was.. but i guess it isnt. I really don't want to be 18 because now i am REALLY on my own. It has its pros and cons. God i need a car. I NEEdD a job.. but i can't get one without transportation. My mom and i got in a fight every second of the day saturday and sunday... i swear i was going to kill her if she was even in the same room with me. I can't stand her!!!! Who is she to tell me to get a job! fucker her.. she's the one who needs to get one. Isn't the mother supposed to be one of the supporters. And she is like.. "you can get a job... take the car" hmm well the car HAS NO INSURANCE and if someone hits me.. i dont want that shit on my record. She says, "oh i've been driving for 25 years and no one has hit me.. " well no dur.. she hits them but has insurance. She said.. "if u get in an accident.. we'll take care of it" WHERE THE FUCK IS HER HEAD!? both her and my dad i swear live on a totally different planet. No fucking joke. They have people taking care of them.. thats why its all flowers and sunshine. I hate them.
So because my bday sucked so fucking bad for a 18th .. which i did NOTHING... i saw Rent with Nikki.. but we go to the movies every weekend pretty much so it wasnt a big deal. My parents got me a free cake from the food bank that was expired by like 2 weeks. No mold but tasted like shit. I HATE chocolate/choclate... it makes me sick. But they got that... and it was stale anyway. Thanks guys!
So saturday i wanted ot have a REAL bday party../Holiday party... because i really like this guy and want him to come.. even though he probably wont....cause he is just like that. Idk.. so yeah... i'm having a party.. but freaking out because my house is like... freaking Home Depot right now.. and not clean.. and there isnt anything i can do.. i washed the windows and cleaned some stuff in the garage... but like the counters are covered in tools and cables that i cant do anything else. They better fucking finish this shit before saturday.. or i'll scream and they will NEVER hear the end of it.
Sometimes i feel like, even though i dont have much.. im a spoiled brat. Like i have a lot for having nothing... compared to some people. Idk... i feel like my parents should give me everything i want. Like they should be trying to make me happy. But they just dont care about anything anymore.. thus i get my pessimistic attitude. I really hate when they go to the bar... but then i hate when they're home. I feel like its my house and they're intruding. I dont pay bills so i shouldnt be bitching and taking control.. but they dont pay bills either.. my grandparents do. My dad pays himeself with her money. Thank God i'm leaving for xmas. It's going to be totally depressing here. We havent even put the xmas tree up and probably wont. Not a big deal. It just makes me depressed anyway. Just because its pointless to put up when there is nothing to put under it.
I am mainly pissed right now because i had to spend my bday money on buying my OWN shampoo and conditioner and face was and body wash right.. stuff parents should be buying the kids... and my mom keeps taking it into HER bathroom in the house and using it.. and LEAVING it there.. instead of going out and buying her own shit. I buy specialty stuff for me. Not everyone else... they can go buy their own .89 shampoo instead of using my 2.00. Fuck them... AHH and then i barrowed my dad 10.00 today because i didnt have 1.25 so he could buy a coffee... and so he owes me it all back... annnnnd i wont be getting that anytime soon.. So ALL i have right now is 20.00 and i need to guy shopping for SOOOOOOOOOO much shit.. AHHHHHHHHSDKFJGldgjdfgljk I can't take this. He's like.. i'll give u ur 200 i owe u today.. and im like.. yeah sure. I'll believe it when i see it. I just need to get the fuck out of here.
Well i think i'll go back to bed... Today is really sunny and pretty out.. but i dont want to run into the bitch ho who sleeps all fucking day in her room... I just want to die.. because i feel like im turning into them and there is nothing i can do about it. Even though i know there is... i just have NO motivation to do it. Death take me...................................................