Fic: Gravity Thou Art A Heartless Bitch (1)

[nasonexyouswine]

There’s a reason they call it falling in love. It’s not just the feeling, that giddy, heady rush of exhilaration that comes from being with that person you can’t imagine life without. It’s more than that. It’s the irresistibility of it all, the way that all it can take is one tiny push and suddenly you’re over the edge, spiralling out of control. Just like gravity, it is an unstoppable force. And just like falling it is unwise to do without a safety net. Because that’s how people get hurt.

*

Chris can’t exactly remember how it happened the first time. One minute they’re singing a rather stirring duet of Beauty and the Beast, Darren fairly hammered but not needing an excuse and Chris pleasantly buzzed, the next Darren has Chris pressed to the outside wall of Harry’s apartment and has his tongue down his throat.

Chris can’t honestly say he’s surprised by this development. Despite constant assurances that he is straight, Darren has always had too much of an affinity with pink and show tunes for Chris to be completely convinced by it. That and the flirting had pretty much gotten out of control to the extent that even the ever oblivious Cory had haltingly asked him if there wasn’t something ‘going on.’

That said, Chris is understandably, a little dubious about the whole venture. After all Darren has had plenty of opportunities to kiss him before and has never done so and therefore Chris can only assume that it’s as a direct result of those dodgy purple cocktails and that Darren is going to regret this in the morning. So he gently pushes Darren away.

Darren takes this as an invitation to attack his neck instead, laying a trail of kisses to his collar bone and sucking bruises into the pale skin there. Chris thinks he is being asked to show more restraint than any young man should reasonably have to show. He has an extremely drunk, extremely attractive and extremely horny Darren practically throwing himself at him and for some reason, just because he has had less to drink, he’s expected to be the level headed one in this situation. So unfair.

‘No Darren’ Chris says firmly and once again pushes Darren away. Darren focuses on him blearily.

‘So beautiful’ he mutters almost incoherently and leans in for another kiss. Chris is ready for him this time and puts a restraining hand on Darren’s shoulder, keeping him at bay.

‘You’re drunk’ he says insistently. ‘Now is not a good time to be making life altering decisions. Such as having sex with a guy. I really don’t want to be the one dealing with your gay freak out tomorrow, especially on top of a hangover.’

Darren appears to think about this for a moment. ‘It doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to. And what if I promise that I’ve put a lot of thought into this and will most definitely not be freaking out tomorrow?’

‘Then...’ Chris pauses because he’s not entirely sure how to answer that one. It seems unlikely that it’s true but then Darren does have the habit of surprising him so... Darren takes full advantage of Chris’ brief inattention by surging forward and closing the gap between them again. His lips are hungry and insistent and Chris is starting to forget what his objections were.

‘Then...’ Chris repeats a lot more breathlessly, his lips still brushing Darren’s as he speaks. ‘I would say we need to get a cab. Now.’

*

Chris is amazed that Darren still manages to be adorably endearing even when he’s naked and writhing underneath him.

‘Are you sure?’ Darren whispers suddenly and Chris manages to stop himself rolling his eyes. After all when you’re naked on top of someone and have your fingers in their ass, you’re kind of at the point of no return in Chris’ opinion. And it’s not like he hasn’t had one night stands before and he’s pretty sure this is all this is going to amount to. After all whatever Darren’s preference’s when drunk, he is still essentially straight so Chris can’t exactly foresee a relationship for the pair of them.

So he just kisses Darren’s doubts away and concentrates on making this good. He’s not entirely sure whether this is Darren’s first time with a guy or not. The question got asked and the answer lost in the frantic ripping off of clothes and bruising kisses that lead to them tumbling on to his bed together. Chris decides to err on the side of caution, pushing in slowly, watching Darren’s face closely for signs of discomfort. Darren hisses in pain and Chris pauses for a moment.

‘You OK?’ he asks.

‘Yeah just... give me a sec.’

Chris waits, although it’s taking an incredible amount of willpower to do so. Darren is hot and tight around him and looks amazing all spread out beneath him, eyes hooded and hair mussed.

Chris shifts his hips slightly and Darren’s reaction is immediate. He gasps loudly, in pleasure rather than pain, his eyes fly open, his pupils blown wide and his hands fist into the sheets. ‘Fuck.’

Chris smiles smugly and rolls his hips in the gentlest of motions, just barely brushing over that spot again and again until Darren is a quivering and babbling wreck beneath him. God Chris. There. More. So good. Fuck.

Chris smirks. It shouldn’t surprise him that Darren is a talker. He never shuts up the rest of the time so why should he be any different in bed?

‘Sorry what was that Darren? More did you say?’ Chris says, although slightly breathlessly.

‘Bastard’ Darren gasps out.

Chris just kisses him, softly to match the slow, teasing roll of his hips, the only aggressive thing about his stance are his hands, pressing Darren’s into the bed so he can’t touch himself. Darren responds to the kiss enthusiastically, all warmth and affection and that sweet kiss coupled with the lazy, gentle way he’s fucking Darren makes Chris suddenly feel uncomfortable. This was about a quick release, a onetime fuck, he reminds himself.

He abruptly picks up the pace, making Darren gasp and moan.  Chris plunges his tongue into Darren’s mouth and what was sweet very quickly turned filthy. He releases Darren’s hands, tangling one in Darren’s hair almost roughly and bringing the other down to jerk Darren off in time with his erratic thrusts. At the sensation Darren stops kissing him and just pants wildly into his mouth, snapping his hips up to meet Chris halfway.

‘Fuck. Chris’ Darren moans and they are the only two words he remembers right now. He’s dizzy with sensation, he feels filled up, complete somehow, and Chris’ hand is on his cock and his lips are on his skin and his smell is all around him, and all Darren can do is moan and beg for release.

‘Please’ he gasps. ‘Please.’

‘Darren look at me’ Chris commands between pants and Darren’s eyes flutter open to meet Chris’. Chris is sweating, his hair falling round his face in messy tendrils, his lips are bruised and his eyes are cloudy with arousal. Darren’s breath hitches at the sight of him.

Chris looks him right in the eye. ‘Come for me baby’ he whispers silky smooth and soft and that coupled with a particularly fierce jerk of Chris’ hips and wrist has Darren coming hard with Chris’ name on his lips. His body clenches hard around Chris and it’s only a few more thrusts before he follows suit with a shudder and a groan, collapsing, mainly onto Darren who doesn’t seem to mind. They lay like that for a few moments just trying to catch their breath.

‘Fuck’ Darren says again because his mind is still kind of scrambled with the effects of alcohol and post-orgasm haze.

‘Yeah’ Chris says and then slowly rolls off Darren, pulling out of him with a slight hiss.  He smiles sleepily and snuggles into Darren’s side but Darren stiffens almost imperceptibly before pulling away.

Chris feels the absent of heat immediately and almost reaches for him again but instead opens his eyes in surprise to find Darren already struggling back into his jeans.

‘Aren’t you... aren’t you going to stay?’ he asks uncertainly. After all Darren stays over all the time, even when they haven’t had sex.

Darren, who is now searching for wherever his shirt got thrown too, glances up at Chris once before looking away again. ‘I can’t help but feel this was a bad idea’ he says quietly. He had had a moment of pure clarity just as he was coming down that this was Chris, they were friends and Darren couldn’t give him anything but a quick screw. ‘I don’t want to wake up with you, there’s something oddly intimate about that and I don’t want to blur the lines anymore than they are already. Let’s just... talk about this tomorrow OK?’

Chris looks a little bemused like he thinks Darren is overreacting and then he just shrugs. ‘OK’ he yawns widely and settles back under the covers, seemingly unconcerned that he’s still covered in Darren’s come. ‘Be safe’ he adds almost automatically and Darren gives him a small smile.

Darren leaves, not bothering to track down his coat. He leans against Chris’ closed front door for a moment and closes his eyes.

Shit.

*

Darren wakes up with a killer hangover but, annoyingly, with his memory perfectly intact. Having sex with Chris was definitely one of those ‘seemed like a good idea at the time’ sort of situations that he seems to frequently find himself in.  That’s not to say it wasn’t good because it was fairly mind-blowing, at least from his end. But... he didn’t want things to get complicated between the two of them. He really doesn’t want to lose Chris as a friend and he can’t help but feel that if that’s the case he probably shouldn’t have got drunk and thrown himself at him.

A quick glances at the clock tells him he’s running late. Again. With a sigh he rolls out of bed and resigns himself to a very awkward conversation later that day.

*

‘Coffee?’ Chris offers, holding out the cup he had just taken a sip from. Darren takes it gratefully and watches as Chris pours himself a fresh cup.

‘Thanks’ he says and Chris shrugs like just because they ‘accidentally’ had sex last night it shouldn’t ruin their morning routine.

‘So...’ Chris says.

‘So’ Darren echoes.

‘Darren the thing is...’ Chris says at the same time as Darren says,

‘I think we should talk about...’

They both stop to let the other talk first and after a pause they both laugh.

‘Look this is stupid’ Chris says. ‘Nothing’s changed right? Friends have inadvisable sex all the time. And as you said it doesn’t have to mean anything.’

‘Exactly’ Darren said, relieved that Chris wasn’t going to be all awkward and uncomfortable about it. ‘We should just put this whole thing behind us and never speak of it again.’

‘That sounds a perfectly healthy way of dealing with the situation’ Chris deadpans.

‘Thank you. I’m glad we agree on this.’

Chris laughs and Darren relaxes a little.

‘Just one more thing before we forget it ever happened’ Chris says. ‘This can’t happen again Darren.’

Darren nods, slightly shame faced.

‘Never again.’

*

The second time it happened is even hazier in Chris’ mind.

They are out at a club, Chris isn’t even sure of the name of it after that many shots of tequila. He and Heather are dancing together. Well Heather is dancing, Chris is not entirely sure what he is doing apart from managing to move his hips in time to the beat and putting the rest of his concentration into not falling over.

He can feel Darren’s eyes on him. It’s been like this all night, these stares filled with heat and significance. If only Chris could work out why. But his head is hazy and he’s having a good time and somehow Heather has become Jenna who is laughing and grabbing his hands. He laughs too though he doesn’t know why, he just feels swept up the rush of joy that she is exuding.

He stumbles slightly and only Jenna’s grip keeps him from being swallowed up by the steady press of bodies around him.

Then an arm is around him and he tenses for a moment before he recognizes it as Cory’s.

‘Come on man I think you need some air’ he laughs, peering into Chris’ face. ‘How much have you had?’

‘Tequeeeela’ Chris says, not answering the question. ‘‘s nice.’

‘I know Chris but it’s also nice in moderation you know?’

Chris grumbles something and he’s pretty sure he calls Cory an old man but Cory doesn’t seem very perturbed by it. And then Darren is suddenly there too and when did all his friends become fucking ninjas?

‘Here Cory I’ll take him’ Darren says, swinging an arm around Chris’ waist.

Cory looks a tad dubious about that. He knows Darren has been drinking too. Copiously. He seems a lot more with it than Chris but still. ‘Um...’

‘I could do with some air too. Don’t worry I’ll keep an eye on him. Go have fun.’

‘Well Ok. Thanks Dare!’ Cory grins at him and melts back into the crowd.

Chris, who has spent the entire exchange processing one sentence through his fuzzy brain, manages to speak. ‘Where the hell did you come from. And a wild Darren appears. Get it Darren? Like in Pokémon?’ Chris manages to chatter on in this vein in some time while Darren navigates them slightly haphazardly through the crush of bodies until they are spilling out into the cool night air at the back of the club.

‘Lets’ walk’ Darren says and takes Chris’ hand. Chris stares at their clasped hands for a moment and then turns his gaze to Darren, wide eyed.

‘Darren?’ he whispers and almost as that was a catalyst Darren is suddenly shoving him almost roughly into the cold brick behind him and is kissing him with fierce intensity.

Chris gasps and tugs at the front of Darren’s shirt. The kiss is messy and sloppy, the drink making them careless.

Darren is vaguely aware that they are outside a club and there could be paparazzi anywhere but he also knows that nothing could make him stop kissing Chris right now except Chris pushing him away. Part of Darren wants Chris to push him away. But the rest of him is horny and Chris is hot and available and familiar.

Darren sucks Chris’ bottom lip into his mouth and bites lightly causing Chris to let out a low moan and tug Darren into him so they are pressed flush together. Darren’s hands find Chris’ hair and he tugs, angling Chris head the way he wants and sucks a bruising kiss to the soft skin on Chris’ collarbone. Chris groans again, jerking his hips forward.

‘Like it rough do you?’ Darren mutters, pulling back slightly.

‘Mmm’ Chris smiles lazily through half lidded eyes and Darren feels a jolt of heat that travels through his entire body but centres in his cock.

‘Do you know what you do to me?’ Darren growls into Chris ear. ‘And dancing like that? So fucking hot.’

‘Enjoy that did you?’ Chris says breathlessly and then chuckles low in his throat. ‘I think you did’ he abruptly presses his hand to the bulge in Darren’s jeans and Darren knows that whatever else, they can’t do that in an alleyway behind a club. Chris seems to have no such objections though, abruptly shoving Darren away just so he can flip their positions and push Darren into the brick.

‘Lick’ Chris demands huskily, offering Darren his hand. And Darren does, looking Chris direct in the eye as he licks down the centre of Chris’ palm before sucking one of Chris’ fingers into his mouth. Chris gasps at the unexpected sensation and Darren smirks. Chris quickly gets the upper hand again by thrusting his hips forward into Darren’s giving Darren a moment of delicious friction before pulling away again. Darren tries to follow but Chris, surprisingly coordinated, evades him easily.

‘Please’ Darren says in barely more than a whimper.

‘Please what?’ Chris says sweetly and God damn he looks hot like this.

‘Please touch me’ Darren whispers.

Chris smirks again and reaches out a hand, placing it flat right over Darren’s heart. Darren knows it’s beating at a frankly embarrassing rate right now but his desire to have Chris’ hands on him outweighs his embarrassment.

‘Touch my cock’ Darren demands more urgently.

‘What?’ Chris is still teasing him.

‘Touch my cock’ Darren repeats. And then ‘Please Chris.’

And then Chris’ mouth his on his again, rough, bruising and his tongue pushing past Darren’s lips. Darren is vaguely aware of Chris struggling with his belt and once again has a flash of doubt. If Chris is drunk enough that he is having trouble with a buckle, he’s clearly not in the best place to be making decisions right now.

But Darren forgets to care when Chris has a hand on his cock. Chris’ hands are soft and so unlike the feel of Darren’s own hand which is all that he’s had recently. Chris briefly pulls away and Darren whimpers at the loss of contact. But Chris just licks his palm again and thrusts his hand back into Darren’s pants.

Chris jerks him off erratically, finding it hard to establish a good rhythm when he’s practically pressing Darren into the wall with his own body, leaving very little room for manoeuvre but Darren doesn’t seem to care. He gasps loudly as Chris swipes a thumb over the head of his cock and he throws his head back, not noticing when he collides with the wall. Chris takes a moment to just look at him, his eyes are clenched shut and his chest is heaving. Chris is making the usually composed Darren Criss fall apart underneath him. He moans himself at the sight and leans in to press kisses to Darren’s exposed neck.

‘Chris...’ Darren lets out a gasp of warning.

Chris speeds up the motion of his hand and Darren spills over it with a broken cry. Chris presses close again as Darren’s knees buckle, holding him upright as he rides out his orgasm. Chris’ breath catches as he watches Darren coming apart beneath him. He’s already close to coming from Darren’s rough treatment earlier and then from just watching Darren gasp and writhe and beg.

Without much conscious thought Chris surges forward, seeking friction. He’s dizzy with alcohol and Darren’s intoxicating presence and he pushes urgently against Darren’s thigh, just desperately trying to get himself off.

‘God Chris. So fucking hot’ Darren murmurs roughly and that’s all it takes. Chris is coming in his pants like a fucking teenager and he doesn’t even care, just leans his forehead again Darren’s shoulder and gasps quietly, feeling Darren’s arms curl around him and hold him as he shudders.

Unfortunately the post coital bliss doesn’t last long for Chris because cold realisation is fast on its heels. He pulls away from Darren abruptly, horrified. He still has Darren’s come on his hand, he just fucking rutted against him and can feel his own come cooling in his pants. He feels dirty and somehow used even though he knows he was just as desperate for it as Darren was. Their lifestyles are just not conducive to relationships or even frequent sex.

‘Chris?’ Darren says quietly and Chris can already see the regret in his eyes. He has to get away.

‘Tell Ashley I got a cab home’ Chris says stiffly, very deliberately stepping away from Darren. Their alleyway is still empty and Chris can only thank God for small mercies. Or in this case, big ones.

‘Chris I...’

‘No’ Chris says and he doesn’t raise his voice but there’s steel in his tone. ‘This was stupid. I was stupid to let you...’ he sighs. ‘I’m going home.’

He walks away but there is still a considerable amount of alcohol in his system and he staggers slightly. Darren is there immediately settling his arm around Chris’ waist again.

‘Let me get you home yeah?’ Darren says and he’s so fucking sincere. Only Darren can have him rutting against him one minute and then doing the gentlemanly thing by offering to help him home the next.

Chris wants to say no, push him away, tell him to just fuck off already. But Darren despite everything is still his best friend and he knows there is no way that Darren is going to let him get home by himself. So he takes the path of least resistance and nods.

‘Fine. I’ll just text one of the others. Let them know we’ve gone.’

*

They don’t talk about it. Darren keeps waiting for Chris to bring it up but he just goes on like nothing even happened. He knows that Chris was really angry that night but mainly at himself which makes no sense to Darren because it was definitely him taking advantage of drunk Chris not the other way around and he feels horribly guilty about that.

He just needs to know how Chris feels about the whole situation. On his end it’s mainly driven by lust and need but he’s also genuinely affectionate of Chris. Of course he is, they’re friends that spend an almost indecent amount of time together, which is why he can’t work out why Chris is able to just pretend that nothing’s gone on.

Eventually he brings it up himself.

‘Chris don’t you think we should talk about the other night?’ he says uncertainly.

‘Which one?’ Chris asks vaguely, his eyes on his script. Darren wonders if he genuinely doesn’t know or is just being deliberately obtuse.

‘The one where we...’ Darren pauses.

‘Had sex in an alleyway despite the fact that I clearly said it couldn’t happen again?’ Chris says in tone so even and calm that it actually scares Darren a little bit.

‘Yeah’ he says finally, not sure what else there is too say.

‘OK Darren’ Chris sighs and looks up, putting his script down by his side. ‘Cards on the table. You don’t want a relationship with me do you?’

Darren wonders how he can say no without sounding like a heartless bastard. ‘Umm well you’re great and everything but...’

‘Just answer the question.’

‘No.’

‘Then this has got to stop alright? We’re really close. You’re the first person I call when I have news, you stay over all the time, and you know what my favourite food is from Craft Services. If we add sex to that equation we’re getting into dangerous territory. Next time you get drunk and horny go home and wank off like a normal person. Don’t come to me.’

Darren gapes at him. Chris doesn’t seem mad as such. ‘You’re... OK with it?’

‘Well OK is not the word I would use. But these things happen. I know you won’t intentionally hurt me and I would never intentionally hurt you but that doesn’t mean we won’t hurt each other. Just because we don’t mean to, it doesn’t stop it happening.’

Darren wonders if Chris is saying he felt hurt about what happened and feels another surge of guilt.

‘I’m sorry Chris’ Darren says sincerely and Chris gives him a small smile.

‘I know. Me too.’

*
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