tick tack tick tack
It's past midnight here in the guest room.And it really cold out side,I buried under my comforter,yet shirtless.I have my laptop with me,and this empty page to keep my company.Smooth slow music playing too,can't tell what song it is,but it fits the setting so far.I have nothing to write about,I have no ideas, no facts, no questions. But I have a story to tell.Not sure if I should even write it,or mention it cause very soon it will be just a chapter in my life.I'm about to start a whole new chapter,actually it could be a whole new book by itself.I am mixed with excitement and fear, worry and ambitions,its like christmas morning when we were kids(even now sometimes).I know I am getting a gift,I have a strong feeling what it might be ,yet there is a chance it could be worse, or better. Thing is,the minute you tear up that gift,you can't wrap it back. I am walking a road toward a certain direction,yet everyone seems to be walking the other way,away from that path. I can't jump the gun right now and pre-judge what might happen.I have to wait and see how it will go.I was strong enough once before to make such a bold move, am I still as strong, still as brave. Am I being too cocky? or just confident.?I will never know untill I touch base,I feel alive taking risks,I feel alive meeting new people,absorbing new cultures,I feel human when I adapt to a new environment, I feel great when I leave a good mark before the curtains close. This one though might break me, this one might hold me back. I can't say that yet! I have to witness it in order to judge it. What nourishes me, destroys me. I look back and I say with no pride,I love what I've done so far,I love what I became.I am what I always wanted to be,alive. I demand so much of this life,I want to live it,breath it,eat it,drink it. I want to walk the earth,meet its people,eat its food,drink its wine. I want to reach the last gate and look back and say,"ok,i am all out,I am here with nothing left.I used every talet I got, I lived every minute I had"..I want to use all my blessings. God,I want so much its greedy.I don't want to be self either, I do want a woman too,someone who one day I might find home on her arms,peace next her in bed.I want little devil running around the house,teach them everything I know,tell them eveything I saw. Man I am hungry for life, I want a boat,a big old sail boat,sail the water,ride the waves,and concure open oceans...Yet i am under my blanket,no shit one,but wearing a smile actually right now.I guess its because I realized how crazy I sound sometimes. Ah,whats behind that horizon I wonder,will I ever get there?Oh well, right now,changing this stupid station which started playing stupid songs sounds like a good first step:)..I wish I made some Peanut Butter sandwish before I got in,kitchen all the way down stairs,I need to find a girlfriend to date for few days who would do that for me evernight,then spell check my writting, turn off my laptop and then turn me on:)..justing kidding,she doesn't have to turn off the laptop,she can keep on the ESPN site,just in case she is bad in what she is doing:):):...you can tell i am trying to get my mind out my problems...thanks for sticking to the end...over and out.