I hate writing
I hate school. It was my first day. I have no friends not even one. I sat all alone in the heat at lunch and listened to music. I hate all ym classes but I don't think they'll let me change them. I said about 11 words today including the "here" for roll call. That was 3. Maybe if I'm quiet no one will hate me. The girl I like didn't even say hi to me and she sat as far away as she could from me in class. I don't even want to leave my house anymore but if I don't Potter and Kevin will make fun of me when I see them. I don't even like making fun of them anymore but I feel like if I don't they'll rag on me more. I don't want to be to different people anymore because they both suck equally. Last year I was so outgoing and I was funny and I had friends but I lost that all over the summer. I just can't live in ym dillusion of a world anymore. For God sake's I spent all day playing with my freakin hair! I can't hardly remember anything I did today because it all blurs together and it's the first fucking day! I don't know what I'm going to do. My parents don't trust me anymore because they found some random "almost porn" stuff in my room because my sister stole it so now I feel awkward around my family even more. Sometimes I wish I could drive and just leave everyone I know behind and never come back. I've never felt like this before it's just like nothing in my life makes me happy because I fuck it up. I lost all my really good friends and I screw up every relationship I ever go in. So what if I've had girlfriends? I'd give anything to go back and undo all those relationships, they were so horrible and I did everything wrong that I could. That's probably why I started busting on people because I thought if they were as sad as me they could relate. That's so stupid I just want to stop it's not worth it at all! I can't even wonder why so many people hate me I gave them the perfect reason to! Now look at me. I'm a loser with no friends and no one to care if I lived or died that sits in his room and listens to music and tries to find the strength not to cry from it. I don't know if anyone feels like this but slowly death is starting to not scare me so much.