[AIM Log] Got Somethin' to Say [Hanato and Kiba]
In the days that'd passed since his strained dinner-time discussion with Asuka, Hanato honestly had tried to catch Kiba. Or at least, he'd started trying after the third day or so, when he'd finally thought (and argued with his dogs) enough to spur him on the path to trying to set things right.
Only problem was, that third day was the day Hyuuga Hinaji was to be sealed. Hanato'd had a vague awareness of Kiba spending most of her time with Hinaji in the room she'd set up for him in one of the seldom-used wings of the Inuzuka compound, but he'd been too busy wrestling with his own problems--and with his new sensei--to worry overmuch about hers. Now it came sharply to his attention, when he set out to find her and realized that she was in that room--with two of her teammates, and a reek of pain.
He stayed away, and spent the day practicing the new kata Asuka had taught him and a couple his father had volunteered. By nighttime the scent of pain had lessened a little, and by the time the stars came out and a chill wind had risen, a careful lurking by the window told him that at least two of the room's occupants were asleep. Kiba was still stirring, though, so he scratched gently at the windowpane and hissed, "Psst, Kiba!"
It had been a very, very long day for Kiba. Hinaji had gone back to the compound the day before, in preparation for what had to happen the next morning. Kiba herself hadn't been able to sleep that night either and was up early in the morning, leaving her more tired then she wanted to be. Much of the day had been spent waiting outside the Hyuuga compound with Hoshino, picking at grass until Hinaji had finally come out and they had slowly taken him back to the Inuzuka compound.
The rest of the day had been spent trying to make Hinaji as comfortable as possible and trying to lessen the pain, not that they really could. But she and Hoshino tried and by the end of the day, all of them were fairly exhausted. Hinaji had, unsurprisingly, fallen asleep fairly quickly with little Enka curled up by his side. Hoshino looked asleep, but with those glasses, it was hard to tell. Only Kiba had remained awake, unable to sleep again with everything running through her head. It was no surprise then when she heard Hanato's voice and his scratching.
She gave him a look through the glass before very, very quietly crawling out of the room. Gently shutting the door behind her, she slipped out and over to her brother. Rubbing her eyes a bit and keeping her voice low (she'd beat the crap out of herself if Hinaji woke up now) she asked, "What is it?"
As he'd guessed, she wasn't wearing much more than a tee-shirt and shorts; if she'd spent most of the day inside with her teammates, she couldn't have known how the temperature had dropped as the sun sank. He handed her the jacket he'd brought, one of his older ones 'cause it'd take a braver man than he currently was to venture into the mess of her room. "Can you talk?" he asked quietly.
He wasn't sure what he'd do if she refused. But her willingness to come out was a good sign.
The temperature had dropped considerably and she was grateful for the jacket held out to her. Curling her toes into the wet grass, she pulled said jacket tight around her, inhaling for a moment; it smelled like Hanato and puppies, a scent that was rather soothing to her and it helped some of the tension to bleed out of her shoulders. With the extra clothing firmly tucked around her, she looked back up to her brother.
"Yeah, I can talk," she said softly, glancing back briefly at the room. "Just gotta be quiet for a bit."
"Won't be long," he promised, drawing her a little further away from the window. His hand on her elbow shouldn't have been unusual or intrusive--they were a touchy family, who reaffirmed their bonds as much by simple physical contact as by anything else--but the last time they'd really touched had been just after she'd broken his nose, and things had been so awkward and unsettled then that he still wasn't sure how she'd be now. She still smelled more worried than anything else.
So he kept quiet until they were far enough from the window, out under the shade of the enormous trees they'd played under as kids that even Aburame ears would have to strain to pick up their conversation. He dropped her elbow then, and took a break.
"I...wanted to apologize."
It seemed like forever ago almost (had it only been a few days?) since Kiba had broken his nose and they had fought. But his black eyes were there, reminding her of her actions as was the sudden awkwardness that lay between them, as if they were unsure of where they should step now. But she didn't mind his arm on her elbow and moved with him easily toward the trees. Akako flickered in the edge of her vision, but the giant white dog was staying near the room, protecting Kiba's teammates in the Inuzuka's absence.
Kiba hesitated a moment, looking up to Hanato; she'd really... really wanted to hear that from him, but Youen's words echoed in her head. There was a faint roll of her shoulders and she smiled up to him a bit. "...you don't gotta apologize."
He managed to keep his voice low, but all the whispering in the world couldn't hide the fierce self-reproach. "Yes I do. What I've done--I shouldn't've."
Confusing maybe, but the thoughts were too tangled in his mind to allow him to easily elaborate them with his tongue. Should've trusted you. Should've told you. Should've remembered we share things, we don't hide, and my little sister's the last person I wanna hurt. But I can't go back, and I can't go forward, and you've just gotta understand...
"S'my fault and none of yours," he said at last. "And I'm sorry."
Slitted eyes watched him in the darkness and she hugged herself a bit, inhaling sharply. A myriad of scents met her nose, from the trees and the woods around them, the wet grass beneath her toes, and Hanato's scent, tinged with guilt and confusion and... and a need almost. She looked at him a bit sharper and then nodded a little bit to him.
"...s'okay Hanato," she said softly.
Every time she reassured him, he lost ground; he'd come here with such firm intentions, and her ready forgiveness wasn't helping. He was determined to say this, though, and even if she didn't want to hear it--
Well, he needed to say it. "I just--wanted to try to explain things. Best as I could."
He took a deep breath, shoved his hands in his pockets, and rushed on before she could cut him off. "I told you I was dating Kabumi. Back--before your first chuunin exam. What I didn't say is I was planning to ask her to marry me, after the exams."
"I'm listenin'," Kiba murmured, keeping her eyes on him. "Always will."
There was a slight nod as he mentioned him dating Kabumi, remembering him briefly mentioning it. The thought made her want to pull a face, because she didn't know what persona Kabumi had adopted but she did pull a slight face as Hanato mentioned he wanted to marry her. There was a few seconds before she could think of a response and she cleared her throat slightly. "Well. That... would have been an... awkward wedding."
Despite the faintly joking tone, she kept her eyes on him, watching him and his scent carefully.
He snorted. "Right." Would've been awkward even if she hadn't been...what she was; the girls had never taken to her, and he'd known that at least some of the clan would've been disappointed, thinking that surely the Inuzuka heir could do better than a girl who'd failed the chuunin exams six years in a row. "Was trying to work out a way to tell Dad, too. And get the girls to agree."
Sighing, he tipped his head back to stare at the stars. Their gentle glow was far easier to watch than Kiba's face. "Didn't matter, though.’Cause she left, and ANBU T&I hauled me in."
Kiba flinched a bit as he mentioned ANBU T&I, shivering a little bit. ANBU were kinda creepy as is, throw in T&I and that was just downright scary; getting hauled in like he did, being suspected of being a traitor just cause he was dating someone... she couldn't imagine it. Swallowing a bit thickly, she reached out and took one of his hands, still listening to him and just letting him speak.
His fingers curled around her hand, grateful for her warmth, for her support--but she wasn't making this any easier for him to get through. Would she pull away when she'd heard it all?
He had to tell her anyway. Had to run the risk, because she deserved to know--
No. No one really deserved to know. But he owed it to her anyway.
"They--accused me of being with her," he said in a low voice. "I was scared and hurt and confused, and I couldn't believe she'd betray us. Betray me. But the evidence..."
His voice caught, and he forced it flat again, forced it cold, as if he were talking about someone else. "So I helped them. Told them what they wanted to know. Saved my hide and condemned hers."
Kiba didn't... quite get it. She couldn't understand why this upset him because it was Kabumi and the psycho deserved it. But obviously this meant more to him and she struggled to understand, her fingers curling back around his.
"You know..." she said quietly.”That she deserved to be condemned, right? That you didn't do anything wrong?"
"Doesn't matter," he said sharply. "I betrayed her anyway."
"Of course it matters, you idiot!" Kiba snapped at him, frowning. She didn't understand how he could think he betrayed someone when he hadn't. She'd betrayed him and Konoha and everyone and made him do it...
She just didn't understand.
Hanato shook his head stubbornly. "Doesn't. She's what she is, but I betrayed her. Look--"
He stumbled over the words, trying to find the ones that'd carry the truth of it to her. "What she did--that's her guilt. What I did, that's mine. I said I loved her, and I turned my back on her."
"No. That's not how it is!" Kiba grabbed Hanato's shirt and yanked him down so he would look in her eyes. She had to make him understand that what he was saying was wrong, that it wasn't right. "You didn't turn your back on her, she did it to you. You turned your back on someone who don't exist!"
She made a noise of frustration, not wanting to make this painful but needing him to understand. "You can't betray someone who's not real! You loved the part she played not who she really was. There's no betrayal there nii-san!"
She didn't understand, and he didn't think she could. Kiba's mind didn't work like that. She was fundamentally honest, and she'd always thought he was the same; no matter how he explained, she wouldn't get it. But he couldn't stop himself from trying.
"Look, it doesn't matter what she was or wasn't. It's what I did. What I could do, to her or anyone." And the question that'd been haunting him for the past month... "So how's a man who can't trust himself trust anyone else?"
"You did what you did because you had to, not because you wanted to, but because you had to and as fucked up as it sounds that was the right thing to do." She shook her head, frustrated almost. A hand waved around, trying to help make her point. "You're thinking... in terms of just you, and you can't do that and as horrible as it sounds, we're shinobi. We do things that make us question our loyalties, our sanity, EVERYTHING. But you can't get stuck thinking what if, how come, why you just... you can't or you won't go anywhere."
She finally released his shirt, running a hand through her hair agitatedly. "I'd trust you with my life and I... dammit, Hanato."
He finally managed to force a bit of a crooked smile at her words. It wasn't much of one...but it was a start.
"So go ahead and say I'm a self-centered ass. Can smell you thinking it."
"You are!" Kiba threw up her hands, sighing. "This is... this is a point, a step, a moment, and I'm not asking you to spill all your deepest and darkest secrets and desires to me--I probably don't want to know some of those things--but just..."
She sighed again and looked up to him. "But just stop doubting yourself. You're a good man, a good shinobi, a good heir... and a good brother."
His mouth quirked a little more and this time it was much less forced. "I think that's the darkest one."
Though...
No, she really probably didn't want to know the others.
"Thanks, Kiba," he said quietly.
She smiled tiredly to him, leaning against him a bit and poking his stomach. "You're my brother. And no matter how stupid you are, you'll always be my brother."
When she was leaning against him like that, it was more than easy--it was comfortable--to sling his arm around her shoulders and lean on her in time. The stomach-poking he could ignore, with the magnanimity of an older brother who knows he'll get his own.
"I dunno," he said thoughtfully. "I could go really stupid if I was trying."
"You could," Kiba smirked, a bit of her fang showing. "But you'd still be my brother and I'd just end up having to beat sense into you more often."
It felt right to have his arm around her and to have him leaning against her. She was cold and her feet were wet and Hinaji still wasn't like he should be. But things were better now, could only get better from this point. They weren't perfect... but they were better.