[Day Six, Session Five: More Trauma]
Hinaji slept restlessly. His dreams were haunted, and he couldn't escape the image of a crushed throat and wide eyes that held nothing but blame. He would wake up sweating, either from his dreams or from the softest sound or flare of chakra. He'd been sleeping fitfully when he heard her, eyes snapping open and staring right at the woman standing in the doorway of his cell. And like a cornered animal he shirked away from her, attempting to hide himself in the shadows.
His eyes were dark and frightened, and she watched him pull away from her as she stood in the doorway. She could tell that he hadn't slept well; there were rings under his eyes, and it looked as if he hadn't moved from where she had left him the night before. Her hand reached up to touch part of the doorway absently, as she stood, relaxed, and studied him.
He shivered and wraped his arms around himself, curled in a ball in the shadows. His mouth worked silently, "Be a dream" his mantra. Maybe if he said it enough it would be true.
But she was real, so very terribly real. "Are you cold, Hinaji-kun?"
The sound of her voice sent him into another fit of shivers but he fought them, forced himself to stop and shook his head. He realised seconds later that she'd never liked unvocalised answers and so he said it, voice raspy with disuse.
He was learning, correcting his lapse in speech before she had to remind him. "Are you feeling sick?" she asked, curious as to if he was feeling the effects of the disease already.
He looked up and glared at her for a moment. "...no."
Perhaps not as broken as she thought. "What's wrong then?"
The concern in her voice apparantly caught him off guard. The glare disappeared, overtaken by a confused look. "Tired..."
He oscillated quickly between moods. "Have you been able to sleep at all, Hinaji-kun?" She doubted he had.
False nicety. That's all she had, that's all this was. Something to weaken him and lure him out. But even while he knew that, he was weak, and tired, and so he shook his head no before remembering to speak. "N-no."
"Why not?" He hated that tone in her voice.
"I just...can't." He couldn't tell her, wouldn't. Couldn't let her know he thought he was going crazy.
He was hiding something again. Being evasive. She could guess why he wouldn't answer, but she wanted him to admit it himself. So she allowed herself a frown, and then stepped towards him, shutting the door behind her.
His body quivered at her approach, and he started pushing himself up against the wall. She walked slowly towards him, watching the panic rise with every footstep. She stopped, just out of his reach, and he was pushing himself against the wall, feet slipping on the cold floor.
". . . stand up, Hinaji-kun," she ordered, looking down at him.
He did as she commanded, body reacting on its own, his eyes widening in horror as he realised. She stood there and watched him, and when he was fully on his feet she spoke. "We're going somewhere today."
Akiko screamed at him silently and he began to tremble uncontrollably. He couldn't leave, couldn't go with her, because nowhere else was safe. "N-no. I won't...go..."
"You won't?" He was stammering again, shaking so badly that she would have thought he had some sort of palsy. "But I insist on your presence, Hinaji-kun."
Her words made him back up with so much force that it jarred him, a dull thud sounding in the cell. "Won't... can't..."
With a careful grace she closed the distance between the two of them and put her left hand around his neck, holding him against the wall. She leaned down slightly so that she could look him straight in the eyes, her nose just centimeters from his own. "You'll come with me."
At her touch his eyes widened, but he stared straight ahead, refusing to look at her. Her words terrified him because he knew that no matter how hard he fought, she'd come out right. And so he relented, gave her what she wanted, and hoped, through the numbness that had overtaken him, that it would be enough.
"I can't..." he said softly, voice dead, "see it again..."
Her voice was soft, quiet. "See what?"
"Her die..." His voice was just as quiet. He closed his eyes as her thumb began to stroke his throat.
"Akiko-chan is already dead, Hinaji-kun. You can't watch her die again."
But he could. He saw it everytime he closed his eyes. The admission tumbled out, and he couldn't remember why he'd been hiding the truth from her in the first place. "She won't stop dying..."
He did not deal well with trauma. So Kabumi kept pressing, kept asking him the questions she knew would break him. She leaned her head closer to him, their noses almost touching. Her voice was soft and soothing. "And why is she still dying, Hinaji-kun? Why is she thrashing? Why does she hurt so much?"
He looked past her as best he could with their faces so close together. "B-because...you keep killing her..."
His stammering told her that he didn't believe it. So she twisted to the side, allowing her lips to brush close by his ear. "You're wrong, Hinaji-kun." She kept her thumb stroking his throat. "You had the chance to let her pass without much pain, and you chose instead for her to die a horrifying death. *pauses* It took her two minutes and twenty-three seconds to pass out, Hinaji-kun, every second a panic-filled agony."
He trembled and his voice shook. "N-no. You killed her..." He had never asked for this, had never wanted to hurt her. He hadn't poisoned her, hadn't stolen her from her home only to step down and--
He swallowed and leaned away from her touch, the fingers on his throat painful. "Y-your fault..."
"She was going to die anyway, Hinaji-kun." Die because of her, not him, not him not him. "We all will, someday. I extended mercy, but you chose not to give it to her."
His eyes focused on her, and he looked at her. Denied what she said because it was true. "...No... Not mine... Not my fault..." His voice became frantic, his trembling increased. "Don't...don't say...!" Don't say it was me.
She pulled away from his ear, looking back into his eyes. "I gave you the choice, Hinaji-kun. And you refused to help her."
His head started shaking a denial, slowly at first, but faster and faster. "No... no, that... that wasn't my fault...!"
Her voice was hard and unyielding. "You had the opportunity. Don't deny the consequences of your decisions."
"You told me to kill her...!"
Her answer was slow, and he felt like a child. Felt like something less than her. "And I told you that if you didn't, I would. And you knew how I would do it. You said that slicing open a jugular would be faster than my method, but you were unwilling to do it even though you knew what would happen if you didn't."
The truth of the situation sliced through him, edge dull and painful and he crumbled under it, trembled even as he continued to deny it. "N-no I...I didn't..." He closed his eyes but she was there, screaming at him. "I didn't want her to...not...like that..." His eyes opened slowly. "Not at all..."
"Then you should have accepted the offer, Hinaji-kun."
He shook his head. "You knew...I couldn't..." His voice was broken, his mind and spirit moreso. "There was no choice to give..."
"I will always give you a choice," she said, and her voice was factual. She paused for a moment, debating if she should continue but realized that now was probably the best time. "And right now, there is someone who is waiting to see if you'll make the same choice you did yesterday."
He cried out, a low keening sound and his legs gave way, his entire body numb as he tried to sink to the floor. Sink to Hell and disappear.
But she caught him, used both her hands to pin his shoulders to the wall and stop him. "What will your choice be today?"
"I...I can't," he choked out. This was too much, too much. "I can't...choose..."
"Deciding not to act is a choice, Hinaji-kun. And one that will result in a repeat of yesterday."
"Why," he ground out, groping for answers he would never find. Looking for some reason behind all this. A reason for the insanity he felt gnawing at him. "Why are you doing this...?"
She didn't even consider answering him honestly. "Because someone has to make decisions, Hinaji-kun," she answered, her hands sliding from his shoulder and down his biceps. Her hands gripped tightly and she tugged him away from the wall."We have a subject waiting for you. It's time to go."
She let him wrench himself away from her, smashing the back of his head into the wall. She stared at him for a moment. ". . . then I will have to bring the subject to you," she decided, and turned about to head toward the door.
"N-no..." His head reeled and his vision blurred but he reached out and grabbed at her, clutching the cloth of her sleeve. "Not...here too... Please...anything..." Hurt him, break him, anything. "Just not that..."
She didn't turn and didn't throw him off. "Then you'll come with me?"
"Why," he breathed out in a choked whisper, "does it have to be this choice...?" He knew why. Whatever hurt most, whatever was most effective. Ninja made no wasted efforts.
It didn't suit her to answer his questions, so she didn't. She turned the question back on him. ". . . are you begging, Hinaji-kun?" she asked softly.
She kept facing away from him. His voice caught, and her sleeve trembled in his hand. "Why..?"
He wouldn't give her an answer. Slowly she reached her opposite hand to the sleeve he hand, and pried his fingers off of her. His hands were cold and shaking. Without looking back, she headed for the door.
"Why," he started again, hand falling to the floor, "do you need to know...if I'm begging...?" He swallowed, trembling, but pushed on. Said what she wanted to hear, what he didn't want to be true. "...when you know that I am...?"
She stopped, but still did not face him. ". . . because I want to make sure you know when you are doing it, Hinaji-kun." He didn't answer and she started for the door again, and he snapped, broke, split, shattered, whatever it was she wanted him to do. Whatever it took not to see another face when he closed his eyes.
"...Please...don't do this. I'm begging..." His voice died out in a gasp, shock etched across his face.
She turned slowly around to face him. "I'll give you a different choice then, Hinaji-kun."
He looked up at her, confusion in every feature. "You will come with me, or you will address me by name," she said. Force him to identify her as a person, not something remote. "Either Kabumi-chan or Kabumi-sempai will do."
His mouth opened and shut, and he blinked, completely takenaback by her request. He tried again, managing a disbelieving "Say...your name...?"
"I have a name, Hinaji-kun, and you will use it," she said, her voice making it clear that she was near the end of her patience. "Or you will come with me."
The choice baffled him. "...I... I..." What did it matter to her how he thought of her? "Why...do you care...?"
She stepped towards him and grabbed his arm with enough force to make him wince. "If you wait too long, I will take the choice from you, Hinaji-kun."
The threat worked. He looked away and spoke softly, his voice strained, but the threat worked. "I want...to stay here... Ka..." He bit his lip and shuddered. To say her name would be to acknowledge her as a person. Three years ago he could have. Now... Now she was only a demon. But she had power over him, and he had to make his choice.
He took a ragged breath and pushed on. "Ka...bumi...sempai..."
"What did you say?"
He trembled more and hated himself for it. For a brief second he contemplated not answering, but Akiko was there in the silence and he ground out, "...Sempai... Ka-kabumi...sempai..."
She kept her expression neutral, not allowing him to see the triumph she felt inside. Instead she leaned toward his ear again and brought her free hand up to gently stroke his cheek. "That wasn't so hard, now was it?"
She ran her thumb along his jaw from ear to chin. He shuddered at her touch and tried to pull away, but she moved her hand from his cheek to the back of his neck. She straightened, putting her face back in front of his, her other hand securely on his arm. "Are you sure you don't want to compare the difference between the two deaths, Hinaji-kun?"
She was so close, too close, and he couldn't focus, couldn't fight her when he couldn't think. He swallowed painfully and his eyes darted back and forth. "I...am sure..."
"Are you so afraid of death, Hinaji?" She leaned closer, her right hand still behind his head, forcing him to stay where he was. Her breath was warm but it froze him.
"Wh-what are you doing...?" If he moved even the slightest bit he would touch her. His eyes darted to her face and then away and he paled. This was another game, another test, another way to break him, and he couldn't give him, couldn't let her win.
But it was hard, and she was so very close. "What do you think I'm doing, Hinaji-kun?"
The muscles in his jaw twitched and his skin tingled. "M-mind games...always..."
Her proximity made him panic, made it difficult for him to focus. She kept close, knowing that the more off-balance he was, the more likely he would let something slip. ". . . and what if it's not a game?"
"It's always a game..."
Her voice sunk to a whisper. "Not always." Her nose touched his, so close that he no had nowhere else to look but her.
Instinct took over and he tried to jerk his head away, but the hand on his neck stopped him. He winced. "St-stop..." Why wouldn't she move away..?
"Stop what?"
A mind game. Always always trying to break him, confuse him. But he couldn't fight it, knew he couldn't, but he couldn't answer either because that would make it real. "Wh-whatever you're trying..."
He kept saying the wrong things, and she kept pushing him to say what she wanted. And she was so close, her face so close to his and he couldn't think. "What am I trying to do, Hinaji-kun?"
He couldn't say, couldn't let himself voice it. "I d-don't know..." Even though it was useless he tried to move his head, to break the contact and move away.
She briefly considered pulling away, but she knew he couldn't see her relent in any way. She couldn't let him think he'd beaten her, so she kept his hand from moving with a strong grip on the back of his neck. "Don't lie to me. You can guess."
"I d-don't..." His eyes shut tightly. "Please don't..."
"Answer me, Hinaji-kun." Her voice was commanding now. She would make him answer.
He bit his bottom lip. He was crumbling slowly, but the cracks were growing faster, helped along by the girl who wouldn't stop screaming at him. "M-mind...games..."
"And if it's not a game?"
He wasn't about to consider that. "...it has to be..."
She repeated herself slowly, enunciating every word, and he wanted to shrink away from her. "And if it's not?"
He made a sound somewhere between a sob and a gasp. "...I... I don't...want to think...if it's not..."
"Answer my question, Hinaji-kun," she demanded, no longer willing to put up with his evasiveness. "Unless you're changing your decision on Shikako-chan's safety . . .?"
He shook his head again, eyes wide. "I...you... you're too...close..."
She was going to have to drag it out of him. "This is the last time I'm going to ask, Hinaji-kun," she informed him, her eyes hard as she watched. "And if you don't answer . . . " She left the sentence unfinished, knowing he could fill in the blanks on his own."
Panic set in and he trembled. His discomfort rose as he spoke, voice no more than a whisper. "T-touch... Close...touch..." Nonsense, unformed thoughts that she would never accept as an answer, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. She was so close.
"What?"
He spoke louder, but barely. "Touch... Close...touch..."
That she hadn't hurt him yet, hadn't lost her patience, was a mercy. "And that means...?"
"...Whatever you make it mean..."
She didn't smile at him, although his thought process was obviously heading in the direction she had meant for it to go. Shame and self-loathing, those were the weapons to use in conjunction with his compassion and empathy.
"What's your definition, Hinaji-kun?" she asked quietly, as quiet as his last non-answer. She changed her finger position slightly on the back of his neck and carefully began moving her hand in tiny circles.
The movement made him shiver, foreign and alien but nice, soothing. He wanted to relax into it but shook his head slightly and looked everywhere but at her. The feeling didn't go away, however, and she had to know what he thought by now. But he couldn't not answer.
His voice was choked when he finally managed to speak. "I-inti...mate..." His cheeks burned.
Against the back of his neck, her fingers splayed out and continued to rub the muscles. "That's an interesting definition, Hinaji-kun."
He closed his eyes shut tight, but even Akiko couldn't distract him from the feeling of her hands on his neck, massaging. "I answered your question so...please... Stop..."
His eyes shut, cheeks red, and still she pushed. " . . . are you begging?"
He winced at her words. "......I don't...don't know..."
"You're not sure if you want me to stop?" she asked, her voice low, twisting his comment.
"...d-don't know...if I'm begging..."
He was still stubborn at this point? Kabumi resisted the urge to frown. "If you're not begging, then you must not want me to stop very much, do you, Hinaji-kun?"
He made a sound deep in his throat, almost like a whimper. "Please stop..." The hand on the back of his neck continued massaging, and her other hand on his arm began to do the same.
"Are you begging, Hinaji-kun?"
He hated that word too, he realised. Hated choices, hated to beg, but he continued to do both. Would continue to until he died or found a way to escape this place.
"Y-yes..." he finally answered her, voice soft.
"'Yes' who?"
His hands clenched at his sides, the wrists shooting pain up through his arms and he winced. "Yes...Kabumi...sempai..."
She held onto him a moment longer after he said her name, but then slowly released him. He pulled away, shuddering against the wall. His breathing was heavy and his eyes were closed tightly.
Drive admissions out of him then offer comfort. "Do you want anything to help you sleep, Hinaji-kun?"
"N-no... I don't...need anything..."
"Would you like anything?" she continued, ignoring his comment. "A blanket or two, perhaps? Pillow?"
He didn't understand why she continued to do this. "No."
She watched him for a moment before speaking again. "...Would you rather have something a bit more permanent than a blanket?" She reached for her kunai.
"No!" Softer. "I don't...need anything."
She pulled the kunai out despite his words. "It's not a matter of need, Hinaji-kun, it's a matter of choice."
The word grated harshly and he answered in turn, his confusion and anger darkening the words. "...I don't want anything."
"You do," she countered, fingering the kunai in her hand. "You want many things. And one of those things would be to always make the choice before I make it for you, Hinaji-kun." Her voice, softer earlier, was darker, more threatening now. "Or have you already forgotten about Akiko-chan?"
In that moment she saw defiance flash in his eyes. And she made her decision to try and wipe it out. Now. "I think you have forgotten," she said, her voice cold and menacing. "I think you need to be reminded."
The thought terrified him, and his anger melted away in an instant. "No...I haven't." He couldn't. She was there, always, and he couldn't escape. His eyes clouded over slightly as he looked beyond her. "I can't..."
"There is still a subject waiting for termination, Hinaji-kun. I saved him just for you."
No, he couldn't do that. Not again. He couldn't. He felt it the moment he gave in, felt the fight die. Felt what was left of his mind wither away.
"...What...choices...do I have now...?"
He crumbled so easily, provided she pushed the right buttons. "The same ones as yesterday," she said, looking at his clouded eyes. Time to push some more. "But since you have chosen to call me by my name instead of coming with me, I will have to bring him to you."
His eyes focused and he jerked away from her. "You... You said you wouldn't...!"
"I said that I wouldn't force you to come with me, Hinaji-kun, and there's a difference." If she would smile, smirk, do something to show him what she was thinking, he thought he could find a way to beat her. But she never gave away anything, not unless she wanted to, and the knowledge nearly forced him to his knees.
"...That's...not fair..."
"I never play fair, Hinaji-kun."
He was gaining some of his spirit back, she could see it in the way he glared, the way his jaw clenched.
"What possible encentive would I have to play fair?" she asked, watching him shake from a potent combinaton of fear and rising anger.
"...incentive...?"
He didn't answer her question, so she ignored his comment. "I still think that you need to witness the experience of a cut jugular," she informed him, an obvious school-teacher tone. "I've even offered to bring the subject to you. but you don't want what I'm offering, Hinaji-kun. Why should I change my mind?" Make him offer. Make him come up with his own choice. Make him hate himself.
His defenses were crumbling one by one, and he could only watch helplessly. "...This...is something different... That's...that's just cruelty..."
She didn't sound interested, voice flat. "No reason for me to change my mind? I will be back in a few moments then." She turned towards the door then, and he moved, stepping away from the wall and towards her, panic emmanating from him.
"Wait!" He paused and took a deep breath. His voice was even, though. "What...do you want me to do...?" Although her steps slowed, she did not stop, and Hinaji whimpered.
"...I'm begging."
It didn't surprise her that he had tried to appeal to her "humanity" by claiming her actions were cruel. And it didn't surprise her when he finally admitted he was begging.
She stopped at his whimpered words, but she didn't turn around to face him. "What do you have to offer, Hinaji-kun?"
"I...I don't know..." The overused excuse, but this time he meant it. "What...do you want of me...?"
Her soft answer chilled his blood. "Don't say 'I don't know' when you have a guess, Hinaji-kun."
That... He shook his head back and forth in shock. Of all the things, he couldn't offer that, couldn't even acknowledge the thought. But not saying anything, not giving her the answer she wanted...
Was it worth it, to give up what little pride he had left to keep his mind intact and someone else from dying?
"...I..." He looked down at the floor, feeling ill. He'd made his choice long ago. His voice was low, flat. Dead.
"Me..."
She turned to look at him. "I don't believe you mean that," she countered, but inside she was pleased. He had made the offer, adding something more to his own self-hate.
His voice caught, and he kept his eyes on the floor. "I do. I do..."
"Convince me," she said finally, after a few seconds of silence.
His words startled something out of him. "What?" he asked, looking up at her finally.
"Convince me that this offer of yours is real," she said, walking back towards him until she was less thana meter away.
She was close again. Not so much as before but he still began to lean away from her. Then he realised that was counterproductive to what he had offered--his muscles twitched and a wave of nausea ran through him at that word--and so he stood instead and looked her in the eye.
"What...do you want me to do?"
She watched him silently, studying him, and it took more willpower than he thought he still possessed to continue to hold her gaze. A cough scratched at his throat but he kept it down.
He kept her gaze, and she knew that was the best she would get unless she iniated contact. So she closed the space between them, and reached out to rest the fingertips of her left hand at the hollow of his throat. She kept the kunai in her right hand, an ever-present reminder of who was in charge. "I want you to convince me that you'd rather be here with me than helping me terminate a subject," she said. Then she leaned her face by his ear. "I'll let you choose the rest."
The kunai glinted in what little light there was and it was hrd not to look away from her. He swallowed, told himself he wasn't bothered by how close she was, told himself it was nothing compared to what he'd have to go through to win her approval.
He almost gagged at the phrase.
"And...if you don't approve of what I choose...?" He felt dirty. Sick and dirty and wrong, and his mouth was so dry he wasn't sure how he'd managed to speak. His tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip and he stopped, horrified, and bit his lip instead, almost hard enough to draw blood. "What then...?"
Her answer was soft. "We'll do something I approve of." Another death, another choice, a different way to break him.
He clenched his jaw and nodded slightly. Took a deep breath and hated himself as his hand rose from his side, pausing near her shoulder. He looked past her, through her, fingers twitching the tiniest bit. "C-can I continue...?"
She pulled back from his ear so she could see his face. His eyes were unfocused, and the hand near his shoulder was trembling slightly. "Yes."
He nodded woodenly, bringing his hand up to touch his fingers lightly to her cheek. His fingertips were cold and clumbsy. She doubted he had ever been involved with anyone, or if he had, at least not for long.
She tilted her head to the side when he touched her cheek, knowing that if he thought she was enjoying the experience, it would be that much more difficult for him. Despite the touch, his eyes were firmly focused elsewhere. "It will be difficult to convince me, Hinaji-kun," she said quietly, "if you can't even look at me."
He took a deep breath, trembling so hard that the sound rattled, and focused his eyes to look at her. He hated this, hated the feel of her skin, hated how she seemed to want this. But he'd started this, made his choice and Akiko was there beside him.
He didn't want anyone else to join her.
His hand trailed from her cheek towards her ear and into her hair. It was surprisingly soft--he wasn't sure why he'd thought it would be otherwise. He wondered how his teammates would react if they saw him caressing some woman's cheek. He blinked and wondered why he'd thought of them.
She smiled then and any thought of his teammates vanished as the fingers of her left hand traced the hollow of his throat. Her fingers could have been a kunai for how they felt. He shuddered--again, when would he stop doing that?--and brought his other hand up to trace her cheek. Took a ragged breath before he inched his way closer to her.
Two hands now, and he had moved slightly closer to her. It was her turn. Carefully, gently, she moved her hand from his throat to trace the sharp line of his collar bone. "You're getting a bit thin, Hinaji-kun," she murmured, still watching his face.
"...I don't...eat much."
She leaned forward a little, reaching her right hand out to rest against the wall. The kunai was pressed between her palm and the wall, just slightly above the heigth of his shoulder. "You should eat everything you're given here." He would mess up the experiment if he didn't eat his food.
He'd decided after his first meeting with her that he was going to try to find his own way out. Not eating was the only thing he'd been able to do so far to try to help himself. So he nodded woodenly even as he flinched at the nearness of her and the kunai. His eye began to wander towards the weapon until he wrenched them back and forced himself to look at her. "I..."
"...Yes?" The hand on his collarbone drifted back up to the side of his neck. He tried to say something but stopped and looked away quickly before glancing back at her. He couldn't... He couldn't keep going but he had to. It felt so wrong, so very wrong, but he had to.
His right hand moved from her hair to lay against the hand she'd placed on his neck, and his stomach bottomed out and he trembled, terrified and feeling ill as he leaned closer. Their noses almost touched.
He'd never been this close to a girl, never had the chance, and it took everything he had to control his breathing. But he couldn't make himself look at her, and his eyes squeezed shut.
"...Can...I...?"
He made an interesting picture, one hand over hers on his neck, the other on her cheek. His eyes were shut so tightly that his brow was slightly furrowed, his nose just milimeters away from hers. She shifted the fingers covered by his hand, wiggling them against his neck, testing how firmly he was trying to hold her hand there. "Can you what?" she asked, even though she knew what he meant. Make him admit it aloud. Make him be the one to offer.
He whimpered and trembled. Dirty. So very dirty. He could never face his family, his teammates, after this.
His voice was barely a whisper and he whimpered again. "K-kiss...you...?"
A pause. Maybe just the question had been enough...?
"...yes."
Something shattered and he almost cried out, almost let the pain show, but he took a shuddering breath and leaned in closer to her. Her lips were warm, just barely touching his. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be.
He prayed it was enough.
His lips barely touched hers. He considered that a kiss? Or he hoped it was a kiss enough. It wasn't.
She slid the hand on his neck out from under his grip and to the back of his neck. And then she very purposefully leaned into the kiss, preventing him from leaning away with her hand.
He gasped at the pressure and nearly broke away. But breaking away meant another person in his dreams and so he relaxed, forced himself to calm and accept it. The hand in her hair clenched tightly and he reached out with the other to grab her arm. Felt like he was dying.
He had to convince her.
She pulled back when he grabbed her arm and her hair, ending the kiss. "You're not putting on a very convincing demonstration, Hinaji-kun," she said factually. Perhaps she needed to urge him on a little. She started rubbing the back of his neck, slowly and gently. "I thought you wanted to convince me."
The looke he gave her spoke of desperation. "I...I do. I..." he shut his eyes briefly, opening them to search for something on the ceiling. "I do..." he repeated softly.
"Try again then," she said, studying his face, her fingers massaging his neck gently.
She wouldn't let him stop. Wouldn't let him go without breaking him. He'd been a fool to hope otherwise. His eyes dropped from looking at the ceiling and he watched her. Looked for some kind of reason in why she was doing this.
Nothing else but to break him. No other reason than that. His lips pulled up into a broken smile and he felt the urge to laugh, bitter and dark and hopeless.
He let her break him, willingly and easily.
He leaned in quickly then and kissed her as hard as he could. Clumsy, wrong, he didn't care. He released her arm and clutched at her hair with both hands. He hoped it was hard enough to hurt her.
He was clumsy and rough, and she decided to be rough with him in turn. Certain he wouldn't try and break away, she moved her hand from his neck to his breast bone slowly, taking the time to feel him. She brought her other hand closer to him, still pressed against the wall, the kunai scraping loudly in the silence.
His hands moved to her neck, touching her gently this time instead of fiercely. She pulled her hand away from the wall and slipped the kunai back in its holster. Still kissing him, she gently pushed him backward toward the wall. Bringing her right hand back up, she settled it on his shoulder and started working on it, massaging it with her fingertips.
His hand ran up and down her throat, barely grazing her skin with the tips of his fingers. He didn't really feel the movements, focused on everything and thus nothing, and tried to lose himself. Tried not to be where he was.
But the wall hit his back and he pushed back against her, unwilling to be pinned. He started shaking as he did so, unable to breathe. He gave a brief thought to kissing her so long that he passed out from lack of air, but his body responded on its own and he broke the contact, gulping in a huge breath of air.
She broke away with him, and while he gasped for air she pinned him against the wall easily. "Is that the best you can do, Hinaji-kun?" she asked, very quietly, and his breathing shuddered. His voice was soft and hoarse, mouth dry.
"Wh-what do you want...from me...?" He regretted the words the moment he said them. Regretted giving her the chance to make him choose.
Her right hand moved from his shoulder to his chest. He wondered that such a move would be comforting coming from a lover. From her it terrified him. "Guess."
His gulp of air had nothing to do with breathing. His tongue darted out to wet his lips. He didn't notice. "I..."
She watched him intently and he quailed under the look. "Yes?"
Sweat beaded on his forehead even as he shivered. Panic seized him. "I...you..." She was so close, too close, her touch pain. And he knew exactly what she wanted. "Y-you can't...want...that..." His voice died with each word until he was speaking in barely a whisper.
Her expression didn't change as he watched her, and his eyes began to widen slowly. Anything. Anything but that. "...can you?"
She had thought him frightened before, but where his thoughts were taking him outstripped any earlier fear. The corners of her mouth turned upward so she smiled at his wide eyes. "Your convincing so far has been substandard, Hinaji-kun," she said in a mild voice. She tilted her head to the side and kissed him lightly on the neck. "What do you think I want?"
No no no, this wasn't happening, she wasn't... She couldn't... "But...I..." He leaned into the kiss before realising what he was doing. His insides turned to ice. "Why...was this not enough...?"
She continued to kiss him, light touches beneath the corner of his jaw. "You still haven't answered my question."
His breathing quickened rapidly, the sound harsh, and he grabbed her shoulders. He didn't shove her away, though. "That's..." Don't think about it. Don't say it. Never acknowledge it. "...the only way...? To do...that...?" His face paled and he trembled.
He couldn't. Not like that, not there, not ever.
From the angle her head was at, she could see the way his throat worked as he breathed, could see the jerking of his Adam's apple as he tried to form coherent sentences. "And if it was the only other choice you had, Hinaji-kun . . .?" she asked between kisses along his neck.
Choices. Always choices. And she knew. Knew what he would choose, made him say it just to mess with him, break him, rip his mind and soul apart. "That..." he started, closing his eyes, "or help you kill someone...?" Akiko screamed silently at him, her neck crushed and eyes leaking tears, and his hands clenched on her shoulders as he shuddered. His face pressed against the crook of her neck. Her skin was warm.
"I..." he said, voice broken and soft and it hurt, "would choose you..."
His face was cold against her neck. Pressed against her as he was, she could feel the tiny tremors that wracked his body when he made his choice. She reached her left hand up to his head, and stroked his hair and neck for a few moments, like a mother would soothe a child.
Then she carefully placed her hands over hers on her shoulders and pried herself out of his grip. Gently levering him off of her, she murmured, "I'll remember that, Hinaji-kun."
He hadn't expected that. Had thought she would make him act on his choice. He couldn't mask the surprise as he looked at her, eyes wide. He also could hide the relief and confusion that clouded his eyes. "Am...I done...?
She stroked his cheek, a soothing gesture that did nothing to calm him. "For today, you were quite convincing." He didn't believe her words, didn't trust anything she said, but he leaned into the touch, relaxed. Not safe, not ever that, but calm.
Despite the hatred she knew he had for her, his body still responded to a soothing touch. Her hand slide down his face and neck, over his shoulder, and along the length of his arm, coming to rest on one of his injured wrists. "Do you want me to heal your wrists, Hinaji-kun?"
He blinked and looked down at where her hand met his wrist. "...Why? You said...they weren't important..." He didn't want to admit he was afraid of what she might do.
"They aren't, Hinaji-kun." He felt her eyes on him, watching and analysing. "The healing will require additional seals--the choice is up to you, to get them healed or not."
His body froze when she mentioned seals, and his chest ached. Very slowly, he looked up from his hands and towards his chest and he blushed. Remembered the feel of her hands and the flare of chakra and trembled. "I..." He lifted the hand she wasn't touching and winced at a pain only moments before he had forgotten.
Despite what he'd discovered earlier, despite the way he'd given in, he still didn't want to admit to it. Didn't want to go so easily. "I don't...want to give in to you..."
It was a last attempt at salvaging his pride, and she denied his efforts. She leaned her face towards him again, his cheeks red from whatever it was he had been thinking. "You already have, Hinaji-kun." She wouldn't let him harbor any delusions about their relationship. He would always be in her power, allowed only the choices that she deigned to give him.
Hearing her say it crushed any last shred of hope he had, and he bowed his head so that his forehead touched her gently. His eyes were closed. "...Please...heal my wrists..."
He had given up yet again, a minor concession compared to the one before, but still a concession. She stepped away, dropping his wrist. ""I will need to get my inks, but I will be back." Yet she didn't move, just watching him intently.
He must have been able to feel her eyes on him, or else he simply noticed that she hadn't moved. He opened his eyes and looked at her. "Yes..?"
She watched him for a moment more in the silence. "I was just wondering what Akiko-chan would say," she said softly before she turned around and started for the door. Break them thoroughly, ground them into dust, let the ashes escape on the wind.
He gasped as though she had punched him in the stomach and fell to his knees. The fall hurt, jarred him bad, but he didn't notice or care. His eyes stared open in shock, focusing and unfocusing on the ground before him, shaking as badly as his body was.
Akiko was screaming at him--he didn't have to wonder what she would say.
He didn't hear the click of the cell door as Kabumi left, didn't feel the chakra flare as she sealed it. He curled up tight, his arms resting on his legs as his hands covered his face. Akiko didn't go away. And he could only pretend he couldn't still feel soft lipped kisses and too-gentle caresses.