(no subject)
Since about two weeks I'm in the hospital again. Voluntarily. I don't get very many therapies, but those I do I really enjoy so far. I want my life to get better. I want it all to get in order.
I also got a two week internship at the municipal hospital. If I prove myself valuable in the work there, I was also said that I could maybe learn a job, either there or somewhere else, but I believe they would want me if I really prove myself valuable.
I drew close to God in the hospital and became born again. The Holy Spirit visited me, but I was a coward and I was clearly told that this is unacceptable. I was also told that I should be in joy because of the Holy Spirit visiting me, and helping me. I think I am shown that God trusts in those that He lets become born again, that He gave me anything I need, and that now I only need to be obedient. That's another thing the Holy Spirit made clear to me: I must become absolutely obedient to the triune God. There is nothing left that God can do for me to help me, He removed all obstacles and everything else that hinders me from being new at all times is a false reliance on my sinful nature.
I have some difficulty grasping the radicality. God is love - I know that, but given my history of experiments with voices and all that stuff, I am reluctant to jump blindly. I believe God understood this, because He also told me that His heart draws to me when I am really humble. God doesn't despise my smallness, no, not at all. But somehow I have to get to the point when I trust and love all of the triune God. I must stand it when the Holy Spirit calls me a coward, so that I may be changed to the truth. My cowardice is a shameful sin, but my Father loves me and will help me get rid of it. I have to know when my humility in fact is a mean and false kind of cheating modesty, false modesty as they call this in Germany. The cowardice has to go away.
I also got a two week internship at the municipal hospital. If I prove myself valuable in the work there, I was also said that I could maybe learn a job, either there or somewhere else, but I believe they would want me if I really prove myself valuable.
I drew close to God in the hospital and became born again. The Holy Spirit visited me, but I was a coward and I was clearly told that this is unacceptable. I was also told that I should be in joy because of the Holy Spirit visiting me, and helping me. I think I am shown that God trusts in those that He lets become born again, that He gave me anything I need, and that now I only need to be obedient. That's another thing the Holy Spirit made clear to me: I must become absolutely obedient to the triune God. There is nothing left that God can do for me to help me, He removed all obstacles and everything else that hinders me from being new at all times is a false reliance on my sinful nature.
I have some difficulty grasping the radicality. God is love - I know that, but given my history of experiments with voices and all that stuff, I am reluctant to jump blindly. I believe God understood this, because He also told me that His heart draws to me when I am really humble. God doesn't despise my smallness, no, not at all. But somehow I have to get to the point when I trust and love all of the triune God. I must stand it when the Holy Spirit calls me a coward, so that I may be changed to the truth. My cowardice is a shameful sin, but my Father loves me and will help me get rid of it. I have to know when my humility in fact is a mean and false kind of cheating modesty, false modesty as they call this in Germany. The cowardice has to go away.