a perfect ending
"It's kind of ironic. It's kind of deja-vu here at Arizona. We don't know what exactly it is, but this place hates us."
Dennis Dixon, University of Oregon Quarterback
~
It was one thing after another, everything lining up to be the most perfect last game I could have ever ask ed for. The weather was cool, the smell of barbecue was in the air. And all of us seniors still hadn't realized it was the last time for us: the last time we would ever stand in Gittings and blast our eardrums with a wall of beautiful sound, the last march down Cherry, the last halftime show. No more dancing in the stands, no more sequins, no more pounding hearts and sweating brows as 60,000 fans cheer us on.
Just before kickoff, Rees called us seniors out of the group to thank us, to tell us how much he appreciated us and for sticking around all these years. Because we're the ones that understand: it's not just about marching band, it's about finding something you love and doing it with everything you've got in you. He had to stop talking because he was crying so hard...he has to do this every year, say goodbye to people he's grown to love over years and years. How does one person have so much love?
But it was during the speech in Gittings that it hit me. As he told the entire band, "Do it for yourself, you won't get this moment back, it's what we've been working for. But most of all, do it for those people around you won't get to do it again; this is their last moment." And he kept talking but I don't know what he was saying because I couldn't control it anymore, that feeling of perfect despair; I was just so fucking sad. I didn't want to leave my family, and so I cried. I cried and heaved while everyone else was at attention, and it echoed in the enclosed space as he told us how it was going to be.
The night could have ended there, but it didn't. Instead, we found ourselves winning the game, against all odds. Halftime was a blur. The stadium was more full of energy than I've ever seen it; I screamed my voice raw, and so did everyone around me. And the students rushed the field, mobbing the sidelines with only two minutes to go. The seniors took a picture as they stormed the field.
It was past midnight as we gathered in the Atmospheric Sciences building where the University had decided to shove us, and we watched the video. And then it was time for Honorable Mentions and the Gameball. He started talking about some girl and I wasn't really paying attention until he said my name, "We all know this person's insane," he said about me. Insane? Really? I love you too, Rees. No, really, I do. It's a mutual appreciation society; I think he's insane also and I don't want to leave him.
This entry is a jumbled mess; I took no effort in organizing. I just needed to get this out, so that I can remember it. I don't want to forget.
Tomorrow's Band Day and I don't know what to feel. I'm just going to take it one day at a time. Last night may have been a perfect ending, but it was an ending nonetheless, and I'm sure tomorrow will be even worse. How do you say goodbye to such a huge part of your life without losing yourself in the process? This sucks.
Dennis Dixon, University of Oregon Quarterback
~
It was one thing after another, everything lining up to be the most perfect last game I could have ever ask ed for. The weather was cool, the smell of barbecue was in the air. And all of us seniors still hadn't realized it was the last time for us: the last time we would ever stand in Gittings and blast our eardrums with a wall of beautiful sound, the last march down Cherry, the last halftime show. No more dancing in the stands, no more sequins, no more pounding hearts and sweating brows as 60,000 fans cheer us on.
Just before kickoff, Rees called us seniors out of the group to thank us, to tell us how much he appreciated us and for sticking around all these years. Because we're the ones that understand: it's not just about marching band, it's about finding something you love and doing it with everything you've got in you. He had to stop talking because he was crying so hard...he has to do this every year, say goodbye to people he's grown to love over years and years. How does one person have so much love?
But it was during the speech in Gittings that it hit me. As he told the entire band, "Do it for yourself, you won't get this moment back, it's what we've been working for. But most of all, do it for those people around you won't get to do it again; this is their last moment." And he kept talking but I don't know what he was saying because I couldn't control it anymore, that feeling of perfect despair; I was just so fucking sad. I didn't want to leave my family, and so I cried. I cried and heaved while everyone else was at attention, and it echoed in the enclosed space as he told us how it was going to be.
The night could have ended there, but it didn't. Instead, we found ourselves winning the game, against all odds. Halftime was a blur. The stadium was more full of energy than I've ever seen it; I screamed my voice raw, and so did everyone around me. And the students rushed the field, mobbing the sidelines with only two minutes to go. The seniors took a picture as they stormed the field.
It was past midnight as we gathered in the Atmospheric Sciences building where the University had decided to shove us, and we watched the video. And then it was time for Honorable Mentions and the Gameball. He started talking about some girl and I wasn't really paying attention until he said my name, "We all know this person's insane," he said about me. Insane? Really? I love you too, Rees. No, really, I do. It's a mutual appreciation society; I think he's insane also and I don't want to leave him.
This entry is a jumbled mess; I took no effort in organizing. I just needed to get this out, so that I can remember it. I don't want to forget.
Tomorrow's Band Day and I don't know what to feel. I'm just going to take it one day at a time. Last night may have been a perfect ending, but it was an ending nonetheless, and I'm sure tomorrow will be even worse. How do you say goodbye to such a huge part of your life without losing yourself in the process? This sucks.