Feb 06, 2005 14:27
I’ve dreamt of giants every night now… grotesque gruesome creatures with fat fingers, and rotting away yellow teeth. Evil eyes and they want to break me. They jam themselves inside me and make my thighs bleed with bruises and gnaw at my breasts. They tear at my flesh with their teeth. I wake up shivering, sweating, and crying. Making sure I'm not bleeding, wrapping my arms around myself, trying to hold myself together. i want ross to come and save me from them... i know they're just a dream... but i feel so violated... i feel so out of controll... like they can find a way out side of my mind... take everything away from me... rape me rape me... and it hurts so bad... i dont want to sleep... im scared of becoming like them... bulging with fat, and their veins are so thick in there legs and arms... i dont want to eat... i want to feel empty... so that they can't find anything inside of me to want... and maybe they'll leave me alone... they are the sleep demons.... plagueing me with insomnia and fear... and they are so ugly... and they kiss me with fat bruised bleeding lips... and i want to scream... but what if they here me? what if they find me... and then it all becomes real... real... i dont think i woudl be able to handle that... i need my pretty painkiller to hold me in his arms and just tell me everything will be allright... god i love him so much... it scares me sometimes... he could never be like them.. no he couldnt... he could never be like them...