Internet is the great Satan of the night
and he has kept me awake for the past 6 hours. I am ashamed of myself.
let me pee before i continue as ive had a lot of orange juice...
i changed my mind,
,
,
,
I was going to write about how I could cry right now i am so upset and disappointed with myself and how failing in school seems to be defining my existence and identity when it shouldn't and how emotion seems so relevant and irrelevant at the same time and how my feelings don't change reality and never will until they motivate action with passion and how I could be doing so many conventional things that are unhealthy but choose not to in order to waste just as much? time doing the unconventional and achieving nothing when compared to others and how I've learned that no matter how much I say 'I don't care what others say or think of or about me' which I don't claim to say very often, I still do care what others think of and about me and what I do and the choices I make because in essence when someone doesn't care about what I think or say in regards to them I feel unloved or at least immensely separated from being able to interact with them and I would never wish that separation or feeling of un-appreciation upon anyone that I loved so I must care what people think of me and what I do but I don't think that caring is always love and I don't think that love is always caring or that caring can't ever be love or that love can't ever be caring but I do believe that all of this is can only be so relevant and what a blanket term is that?
,
,
,
instead I will or will not write a paper.
because I do care what I think of me.
let me pee before i continue as ive had a lot of orange juice...
i changed my mind,
,
,
,
I was going to write about how I could cry right now i am so upset and disappointed with myself and how failing in school seems to be defining my existence and identity when it shouldn't and how emotion seems so relevant and irrelevant at the same time and how my feelings don't change reality and never will until they motivate action with passion and how I could be doing so many conventional things that are unhealthy but choose not to in order to waste just as much? time doing the unconventional and achieving nothing when compared to others and how I've learned that no matter how much I say 'I don't care what others say or think of or about me' which I don't claim to say very often, I still do care what others think of and about me and what I do and the choices I make because in essence when someone doesn't care about what I think or say in regards to them I feel unloved or at least immensely separated from being able to interact with them and I would never wish that separation or feeling of un-appreciation upon anyone that I loved so I must care what people think of me and what I do but I don't think that caring is always love and I don't think that love is always caring or that caring can't ever be love or that love can't ever be caring but I do believe that all of this is can only be so relevant and what a blanket term is that?
,
,
,
instead I will or will not write a paper.
because I do care what I think of me.