Sometimes you're nothing but meat…
I guess all the drama that I was babbling about last week came to a head in a weird way this weekend. I had a really fun time, but finally had a major meltdown Sunday morning. I just woke up sobbing, which is never fun. But, I managed to get myself out of the house and out to the country to see some friends and chill on their deck in the woods and let my kiddo play while I just kind of sobered up and calmed back down. It was nice to know that it wasn’t just me that was depressed and/or in a funk this week, Martha was bummed and depressed too and we kinda shared stories. I helped Ashley move this huge ass heavy new table they got into their house and sweated my ass off. I wish I could go somewhere like a sauna and just sweat and sweat and sweat all the toxins out of my body. (Then I could start re-toxifying it all over again) I have felt the strong urge to go running or swimming or something lately. I think it’s all the anger I have pent up searching for a healthy way to be released rather than being smothered back by downers or my stubborn ways of not wanting to talk to people unless it involves something witty or funny or even mean, just not emotional.
I had a very good talk with the ex yesterday, he and I drove around and listened to clutch and ran a few errands while his mom gave Emily a nap. It is really good to know that he is still truly my friend, above all else. This is gonna be a better week, I’m going to chill with my daughter and watch more of season 1 of the L Word with my roommate (hopefully) I also decided that while I may try to salvage and pass my classes this summer, I am not going to school after this for a while. I have been going for 6 years. I have enough hours for a master’s degree and yet nothing applies to anything else. I’m tired of it and I like the job I have right now enough to do it for a while. I’m tired of going to school just to go and extending myself so much that I don’t learn as much as I’d like. I have done it out of need for money, obligation to my parents, and for insurance purposes and none of that is really relevant anymore. I want to work on playing music and enjoy the time I have off work with Emily and my friends and let this school thing go for the time being. I think I deserve a break.
"everyday's my wedding day
though baby's still in his comatose state
i'll dye my own Easter eggs
don't go yet
just don't go
and Beenie lost the sunset but that's ok
does joe bring flowers to marilyn's grave
and girls that eat pizza and never gain weight
never gain weight
never gain weight
father Lucifer you never looked so sane
you always did prefer the drizzle to the rain"
I had a very good talk with the ex yesterday, he and I drove around and listened to clutch and ran a few errands while his mom gave Emily a nap. It is really good to know that he is still truly my friend, above all else. This is gonna be a better week, I’m going to chill with my daughter and watch more of season 1 of the L Word with my roommate (hopefully) I also decided that while I may try to salvage and pass my classes this summer, I am not going to school after this for a while. I have been going for 6 years. I have enough hours for a master’s degree and yet nothing applies to anything else. I’m tired of it and I like the job I have right now enough to do it for a while. I’m tired of going to school just to go and extending myself so much that I don’t learn as much as I’d like. I have done it out of need for money, obligation to my parents, and for insurance purposes and none of that is really relevant anymore. I want to work on playing music and enjoy the time I have off work with Emily and my friends and let this school thing go for the time being. I think I deserve a break.
"everyday's my wedding day
though baby's still in his comatose state
i'll dye my own Easter eggs
don't go yet
just don't go
and Beenie lost the sunset but that's ok
does joe bring flowers to marilyn's grave
and girls that eat pizza and never gain weight
never gain weight
never gain weight
father Lucifer you never looked so sane
you always did prefer the drizzle to the rain"